[It's overwhelming, really. That there's someone out there like that, so strong and still warm, so...so good that she makes the world better just by being there. Overwhelming, too, to feel that powerful an outpouring from Dirk, whom Dave's still in the process of untangling from Bro. Bro, who definitely never felt that way about anybody. Or at least never thought that way about him. But Dirk feels like that, and it's not even close to what Dave feels, so different and yet just as terrible as how Dave feels about--]
Oh.
[Brilliance and sarcasm that kindness wore as a disguise, but Rose was all Light, he'd known and not known it and she never seemed to see it. So pompous and self-aggrandizing but it was all an act, she was an awful, goofy little girl and she tried so hard, harder than anybody, loved so painfully and never knew how not to grab it by the thorns.
i dont want you to die, he'd told her, and it was the last thing before they did. He chased after her because she's his sister and it wasn't right, will never be right, for the world to close over her that rare, fragile light in her, how silly and lovely and full of care Rose she really is. And it hurt, it hurt, like needles dragged too hard across a record to see her drown it in shitty booze, to flip her despair turnways so it came out a dizzy giggle, to see her that broken and not know how to help her, to stand there with empty, useless hands because the only way he knew how to say i love you was to die.
And they'd all had enough of death already.
It hurts a little, now, too, echoes of the old pain, to think about Rose missing her mother, missing this warm, wonderful, laughing creature and twisting herself up in knots about it. Dave kind of resented Roxy-Mom for that, for not being there for Rose when Rose needed her (orphans, all of them), but that particularly dumb feeling is gone, and he just feels kind of empty with no one to blame.]
no subject
Oh.
[Brilliance and sarcasm that kindness wore as a disguise, but Rose was all Light, he'd known and not known it and she never seemed to see it. So pompous and self-aggrandizing but it was all an act, she was an awful, goofy little girl and she tried so hard, harder than anybody, loved so painfully and never knew how not to grab it by the thorns.
i dont want you to die, he'd told her, and it was the last thing before they did. He chased after her because she's his sister and it wasn't right, will never be right, for the world to close over her that rare, fragile light in her, how silly and lovely and full of care Rose she really is. And it hurt, it hurt, like needles dragged too hard across a record to see her drown it in shitty booze, to flip her despair turnways so it came out a dizzy giggle, to see her that broken and not know how to help her, to stand there with empty, useless hands because the only way he knew how to say i love you was to die.
And they'd all had enough of death already.
It hurts a little, now, too, echoes of the old pain, to think about Rose missing her mother, missing this warm, wonderful, laughing creature and twisting herself up in knots about it. Dave kind of resented Roxy-Mom for that, for not being there for Rose when Rose needed her (orphans, all of them), but that particularly dumb feeling is gone, and he just feels kind of empty with no one to blame.]
...Rose really loved her, you know.