[His body's giving him mixed signals everywhere. The hand in his hair is still the nicest thing, being held like this makes him just want to kind of turn off and go to sleep (and not think about this, put off thinking about this until forever, until never); but his brain is still racing, still spinning its wheels endlessly on a single track.
The shaking slows, then starts again. Starts and slows. It's slowing more than starting up again, though, and Dave feels weirdly disconnected from himself, almost. Weirdly distant, like his words are coming from somewhere else.
But he can still feel Karkat's hand in his hair. His arm around him. That's good.]
I don't know. I don't know, Karkat, he...he's dead and I don't get it. If it was so bad, then how could he do that to...Why, why would he...
[Why would Bro treat him like a cheap, unloved toy--something he could throw around until he got bored and only paid the slightest attention to because he was there, because he wasn't shitty enough to just throw out? Why would he do that if he understood it hurt him? How could he do that if he cared at all?
Did he?
Dave finally moves enough to slip his arms around Karkat in return, to press his face into his shoulder like that could mask how small his voice is, how much it hurts to ask.]
[action]
[His body's giving him mixed signals everywhere. The hand in his hair is still the nicest thing, being held like this makes him just want to kind of turn off and go to sleep (and not think about this, put off thinking about this until forever, until never); but his brain is still racing, still spinning its wheels endlessly on a single track.
The shaking slows, then starts again. Starts and slows. It's slowing more than starting up again, though, and Dave feels weirdly disconnected from himself, almost. Weirdly distant, like his words are coming from somewhere else.
But he can still feel Karkat's hand in his hair. His arm around him. That's good.]
I don't know. I don't know, Karkat, he...he's dead and I don't get it. If it was so bad, then how could he do that to...Why, why would he...
[Why would Bro treat him like a cheap, unloved toy--something he could throw around until he got bored and only paid the slightest attention to because he was there, because he wasn't shitty enough to just throw out? Why would he do that if he understood it hurt him? How could he do that if he cared at all?
Did he?
Dave finally moves enough to slip his arms around Karkat in return, to press his face into his shoulder like that could mask how small his voice is, how much it hurts to ask.]
If he didn't want me, why didn't he just...?
[He can't even finish the question.]