[Karkat doesn't remember seeing Dave move, but whether that's a testament to the other's speed or just how fucking blinded by his own bullshit he is right now, he doesn't know. He rocks back on his heels regardless, sinking halfway into a defensive stance before remembering that this is Dave, he doesn't need to keep him out.
He regrets it an instant later but not because he'd been wrong. He just wishes he could have done anything to keep that look from crossing Dave's face, protected the fragile hope he'd heard in his voice earlier before he'd fucking ruined it, the way he always does. He shouldn't have—he should have—
There's something awful building in this throat, some wounded animal sound that he absolutely can't turn loose, and he strangles it in the only way he knows how, holding everything in until he can't tell if he's lightheaded from rage (at himself) or lack of oxygen. It doesn't help, he's a fucking mess no matter what he does, but Dave doesn't need to hear him screaming imprecations at himself on top of everything else.
Breathe. Fucking breathe, you sack of shit, then do something actually useful with that perfectly good air you just wasted and fix this.]
Dave.
[Oh, brilliant start, I am just fucking swooning over here with your mastery of all things romance. Why don't you try sounding a little more desperate, I don't think he got the fucking hint!]
Dave, I—please, I don't—I never want to leave you.
[His voice is as small as it gets, and furiously, he wipes at his eyes again, sniffs to try and stop—everything. Anything. Why does he keep fucking everything up? He's so tired of it.]
Never. Not if—not if I don't have to.
[He'll only make things worse. That's all he ever does, he's seen it.]
But you... you c-can't need me, I'm no good for anyone. I probably—fuck, you only t-took me as a moirail because you don't know any better, and I just—
[He breaks off, tries sucking in another breath, but nothing comes. He can't do this, he can't fucking do this, how was any of that supposed to help?
This time, he can't hold back his sob, and he buries his face in his hands, wanting to cry at his inability not to because that's a completely fucking logical leap to make, someone nominate you for the Troll Nobel Prize, it's a scientific breakthrough wait no that's just every septic tank in paradox space exploding from the sheer force of how BULGE BREAKINGLY STUPID YOU ARE, YOU SELFISH, SPINELESS LUMP OF GENITAL DISCHARGE.
A shuddering gasp finally makes it through, and with it, Karkat tries yet again.]
This—this bullshit, it's—how? How am I s-supposed to... you shouldn't have to put up with me when you have so much to deal with already!
[action]
He regrets it an instant later but not because he'd been wrong. He just wishes he could have done anything to keep that look from crossing Dave's face, protected the fragile hope he'd heard in his voice earlier before he'd fucking ruined it, the way he always does. He shouldn't have—he should have—
There's something awful building in this throat, some wounded animal sound that he absolutely can't turn loose, and he strangles it in the only way he knows how, holding everything in until he can't tell if he's lightheaded from rage (at himself) or lack of oxygen. It doesn't help, he's a fucking mess no matter what he does, but Dave doesn't need to hear him screaming imprecations at himself on top of everything else.
Breathe. Fucking breathe, you sack of shit, then do something actually useful with that perfectly good air you just wasted and fix this.]
Dave.
[Oh, brilliant start, I am just fucking swooning over here with your mastery of all things romance. Why don't you try sounding a little more desperate, I don't think he got the fucking hint!]
Dave, I—please, I don't—I never want to leave you.
[His voice is as small as it gets, and furiously, he wipes at his eyes again, sniffs to try and stop—everything. Anything. Why does he keep fucking everything up? He's so tired of it.]
Never. Not if—not if I don't have to.
[He'll only make things worse. That's all he ever does, he's seen it.]
But you... you c-can't need me, I'm no good for anyone. I probably—fuck, you only t-took me as a moirail because you don't know any better, and I just—
[He breaks off, tries sucking in another breath, but nothing comes. He can't do this, he can't fucking do this, how was any of that supposed to help?
This time, he can't hold back his sob, and he buries his face in his hands, wanting to cry at his inability not to because that's a completely fucking logical leap to make, someone nominate you for the Troll Nobel Prize, it's a scientific breakthrough wait no that's just every septic tank in paradox space exploding from the sheer force of how BULGE BREAKINGLY STUPID YOU ARE, YOU SELFISH, SPINELESS LUMP OF GENITAL DISCHARGE.
A shuddering gasp finally makes it through, and with it, Karkat tries yet again.]
This—this bullshit, it's—how? How am I s-supposed to... you shouldn't have to put up with me when you have so much to deal with already!