[If it weren't for the fact that Dave had told him not to interrupt, Karkat would be stopping him in an instant to say that he'd better not have fucking decided to share this because he felt obligated to after that bullshit meltdown, but Dave's already beginning to talk and... god. This human is so...
He's not in an ideal position to do much besides listen, but wherever he can, whenever Dave's words fail him or his memories threaten to pull him under, Karkat is there with a gentle squeeze or a nuzzle to try and ground him. "You're safe now," he wants to say, or "I'm here," anything to reassure Dave that he isn't alone—god, leaving really would have been the dumbest thing ever, wouldn't it? Great fucking job with that one, Past Karkat, why not leave your moirail to face all his demons on his own, it's not like you'd have any idea at all how fucking miserable that is, right?
The constant self-recrimination is muffled by the need to fucking listen so he can help Dave in any way he can, but it's by no means gone. How is he supposed to be a good moirail if he can't turn it off?
Perhaps unsurprisingly, it's Dave who manages to actually silence it, if temporarily. Trolls aren't typically rocked by their lusii, so Karkat doesn't fully understand what's happening at first, but it's... really, really nice. Calming. It gives him the focus he needs to make this better for Dave, and ultimately, that's all he cares about.
... On that note—]
Dave, you matter for so many more reasons than because I need you.
[It could have sounded sweet. It still does, to some extent, but only by virtue of the words themselves. The tone, on the other frond, is very much not because Calm Karkat is and always has been a blink of a glance nugget away from Angry Karkat and oh my god what is he even hearing right now?
He squirms a little in Dave's arms, not enough to free himself or even free Dave because fuck you he's still got more cuddling to do but enough that he can look him straight in the eye and, okay, maybe they're a little too close for him to glare properly and their foreheads are touching. He's still not moving away.]
My turn to talk, you're wrong, etc, shut the fuck up. Dave, do you—do you have any idea how many people I've met in this place who've told me you helped them or spoke highly of you? Do you understand the impact you've had on newcomers like—like Ashley, who were coming here from all kinds of traumatic shit, or other people you've helped get oriented and figure out what the fuck is going on?
And don't think even for a fucking second that you're just—useful or convenient or whatever the fuck, like oh, because you've finished serving some purpose, you stop mattering and they've moved on. That isn't how it works. You don't only matter because I need you and I'm pale for you and that somehow guarantees your place in the universe. You matter because you're the one who's good. You're smart and caring and—and so much stronger than I ever was.
[His eyes flick away for a moment, then back.]
I guess a lot of that stoic bullshit isn't something you could really help picking up with your insane lusus, but... you still dealt with all of that and Sburb and it didn't break you. You're one of the strongest people I know.
[He pauses for a fraction of a second, anger subsiding because this is important, dammit. The rest needs to be said softly.]
[action]
He's not in an ideal position to do much besides listen, but wherever he can, whenever Dave's words fail him or his memories threaten to pull him under, Karkat is there with a gentle squeeze or a nuzzle to try and ground him. "You're safe now," he wants to say, or "I'm here," anything to reassure Dave that he isn't alone—god, leaving really would have been the dumbest thing ever, wouldn't it? Great fucking job with that one, Past Karkat, why not leave your moirail to face all his demons on his own, it's not like you'd have any idea at all how fucking miserable that is, right?
The constant self-recrimination is muffled by the need to fucking listen so he can help Dave in any way he can, but it's by no means gone. How is he supposed to be a good moirail if he can't turn it off?
Perhaps unsurprisingly, it's Dave who manages to actually silence it, if temporarily. Trolls aren't typically rocked by their lusii, so Karkat doesn't fully understand what's happening at first, but it's... really, really nice. Calming. It gives him the focus he needs to make this better for Dave, and ultimately, that's all he cares about.
... On that note—]
Dave, you matter for so many more reasons than because I need you.
[It could have sounded sweet. It still does, to some extent, but only by virtue of the words themselves. The tone, on the other frond, is very much not because Calm Karkat is and always has been a blink of a glance nugget away from Angry Karkat and oh my god what is he even hearing right now?
He squirms a little in Dave's arms, not enough to free himself or even free Dave because fuck you he's still got more cuddling to do but enough that he can look him straight in the eye and, okay, maybe they're a little too close for him to glare properly and their foreheads are touching. He's still not moving away.]
My turn to talk, you're wrong, etc, shut the fuck up. Dave, do you—do you have any idea how many people I've met in this place who've told me you helped them or spoke highly of you? Do you understand the impact you've had on newcomers like—like Ashley, who were coming here from all kinds of traumatic shit, or other people you've helped get oriented and figure out what the fuck is going on?
And don't think even for a fucking second that you're just—useful or convenient or whatever the fuck, like oh, because you've finished serving some purpose, you stop mattering and they've moved on. That isn't how it works. You don't only matter because I need you and I'm pale for you and that somehow guarantees your place in the universe. You matter because you're the one who's good. You're smart and caring and—and so much stronger than I ever was.
[His eyes flick away for a moment, then back.]
I guess a lot of that stoic bullshit isn't something you could really help picking up with your insane lusus, but... you still dealt with all of that and Sburb and it didn't break you. You're one of the strongest people I know.
[He pauses for a fraction of a second, anger subsiding because this is important, dammit. The rest needs to be said softly.]
And needing someone doesn't make you weaker.