5 ∅ [Anonymous Text]

[callbacks]

[You'd think Dave would have learned his lesson about anonymity, but maybe learning doesn't stick so well at ass in the morning when he can't sleep. At least it doesn't seem like he's really trying to mask his identity, here. It's just...a plausible deniability thing, maybe. Probably, given the content of his message.]

what was growing up like for you
like
how was your childhood
were you happy

Comments

[soundmind]

Dave.

Settle down, it's okay.

Things like that aren't acceptable for parents to do, not even parents in my world.

Would it help if we exchanged questions instead of just trying to let it all out?

[callbacks]

help how

[soundmind]

So you don't feel like all of the attention is on you? I don't know, personally I don't like being scrutinized even if someone's trying to help, it feels


weird.

And like, maybe they won't like what they'll find out?

[callbacks]

we cant just forget i said anything and act like everything is and has always been cool in strider kingdom
is there a taxonomy of false pretenses that makes allowances for emergencies
im kind of feeling like an emergency right now

[soundmind]

"I'm not comfortable talking about this, can we stop?"

That's all you have to say, "no" and "stop" are legitimate responses.

[She's not going to pretend that everything is "cool" though because...it's plainly not.]

Like I said, we don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about. I'm just making suggestions.

[callbacks]

you said
he was nice to you?

[It has a question mark, that makes it a question.]

[soundmind]

He said that





I was cool and strong and I shouldn't be down on myself

and he



put some clarity to something that happened when I was younger, told me it wasn't my fault it happened.

I took a lot of blame onto myself for things that happened to me. Like how the previous you was upset with him for treating me how he did? I blamed myself. I avoided it and just used it as an excuse to be down on myself. It was my fault 'cause if it was my fault I could theoretically make sense of what was happening and why.

But really it was just


I think he felt like if he started over instead of trying to own up for what he did before, he could pretend that he atoned for it.

[callbacks]

[Wow. Wow, asking was absolutely a mistake. He should've bailed when he had the chance, this hurts. He has to put his PokéGear down for a moment and bite his knuckle before he can manage a response.]

i mean
he was right
youre cool and a good person generally
and shouldnt be down on yourself about stuff

[soundmind]

[But it's not about her, it shouldn't be, it never was.]

Dave.

We can talk about something else. Whatever you want.

Are you in a safe place right now?

[callbacks]

im with karkat
at the hotel
yeah

[soundmind]

Is Karkat ready and able to help if you need to be consoled?

I'm not trying to ask and attack your manliness or something, it's a safety tactic.

[callbacks]

he kind of exists in a constant state of chomping at the bit to get his conciliation on at me yeah


safety tactic?

[soundmind]

In case you




End up somewhere else mentally

and


I don't want you to get hurt

[callbacks]

[He can't quite read the silent spaces between her words, and he doesn't know if that's because he shouldn't be able to or because he's particularly stupid right now. He feels kind of stupid, like there's some kind of delay on his thought process.]

is that a thing that happens
going someplace else in your head

[soundmind]

Sometimes. Sometimes out of nowhere I'll be experiencing something that happened to me again. Even if I know it's not real and I have to ground myself, it still happens. I can't control it, just maintain it.

A friend of mine used to say "hell is in your head." I don't want that for you.

[callbacks]

i dont
think
that happens to me?

[That or he just blatantly doesn't recognize when it happens. One of these things is more likely than the other.]

thats like a flashback right

[soundmind]

It's not always, sometimes it's just a moment where you're seized with dread or something. That's where having someone you trust near helps.

At any rate, if you're safe that's all that matters. What else did you want to talk about?

[callbacks]

[Oh. Well. That's probably a thing, huh. That's...a pretty recognizable thing which may or may not be happening as they speak, and has happened frequently over the past few months and also his entire life. Ahaha. Oh god.]

um
so
hows your trip going
is the weather nice

[soundmind]

It's nice, the trip has been good.

Uh.

Ken and I are dating now? So that's a...thing.

[callbacks]

you werent dating before?

[soundmind]

Is that a joke

[callbacks]

you came to the cafe to bring him his lunch

[soundmind]

So???

He forgot his lunch so I brought it, big deal! I didn't


Fidjtikskdtis

Never mind whatever!!! No, up until a few days ago we weren't, now we are, MOVING ON.

How's it been at Goldenrod?

[callbacks]

its been alright
i dunno i guess we havent really been up to much lately
just kind of hanging out and catching up
oh john turned up did you know john last time he was here
john egbert

[soundmind]

[...]

Yeah, I knew him. He was one of the first people to greet me when I arrived. He also reminded me of the time I spent here before.

He's a nice guy. Sucks that we never got to meet in person before he left.