callbacks | 6 ∅ [Video]

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6 ∅ [Video]

[There's a bright little bird...lizard thing minding its own business on a branch, cleaning its feathers and looking around with puzzled curiosity. The owner of the PokéGear sets it standing in the fork of the tree and then starts to creep up the branch with hands and knees, trying to keep his breath quiet. He's a kid, small, small enough for the branch to hold his weight, but it dips and the Archen notices him. As one, they freeze, and then both leap at once, the Archen away and the boy towards it, in a crush of squawking and leaves and confusion.

The PokéGear falls, too, thudding to the grass amid the cries of Pokémon, and it's hard to tell what's happened for a minute until a Gallade comes to pick it up. He's balancing a four-year-old blond boy on his hip while a Togetic hovers in dismay, everyone dusty from the fall, but the kid squirms in the Gallade's hold and beams without smiling from behind his very familiar shades. Proud and apparently unhurt, Dave holds up a PokéBall towards the 'Gear.]

I caughted it.

[Wart the Gallade turns the camera to his own desperate, exasperated, bewildered face.]

Help me.

((Kiddo Dave replies will come from

knightoftimeout!))

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[Ugh. Babies. At least Dave isn't a baby. Barely. Argh, no, none of that, even if the intense scrutiny currently being directed his way isn't that much better. Just what the fuck about any of those words needs so much deliberation? Dave's either fucking with him or... maybe trying to tap into his older memories? Or just fucking with him. Or maybe being a one-sweep-old is impeding his already less-than-stellar cognitive abilities. Ha.

... Although, uh. How long is an aeon? Goddammit, Dave, he's a knight not a geologist.]

A... really fucking long time. Maybe a plazilion, fuck if I know.

[Karkat's absolutely convinced now that Dave is making those words up. There's no way they can be real.]

[THEY'RE SO REAL don't you numbershame him. He is so good at math. The Best.]

That one! Aeon McNugget the dinobird. Yes.

[Skippity hop. The Child is Appeased. Da na na naaaa, miniquest complete! ...Haha, MINIquest.

Dave looks up again, happy.]

Can you write it down for me at the Burger Slowking? I don't wanna forget afore I get big again.

[... How the fuck can anyone be this cheerful. Not that it isn't nice to see Dave happy, but it's... weird? Maybe it's just the hopping; Karkat can't wrap his head around the thought of an older Dave doing the same thing.

He tries a very small, tight smile in response, but he gives up fairly quickly and refocuses on getting them to their destination. Are they there yet? Oh god, where even is Burger Slowking?]

Yeah, I'll write it down.

[And. Wait. What. He glances sharply back at Dave.]

Do people usually forget what the fuck happened when they're changed into... whatever?

[He's seriously beginning to regret not looking into this before now.]

[Oh, huh. Dave has to take a moment to think about that, because he doesn't know for sure, but then he shakes his head.]

Uh-uh. Don't think so. 'S just...I'm four.

[It feels weird to be that self-aware about it, but he remembers knowing a lot more crap than he knows now. He wants to suck on his fingers, but both his hands are occupied, and he huffs.]

'S hard to remmber shit. 'M too little.

[Child, stop putting your hands in your mouth. Is he going to need to get Dave lollipops? Dave is totally getting lollipops. Also, yeah, fuck, he's going to pretend that sinking feeling he's getting right now is not a thing. Fuck.]

Then just let me know if I need to remember anything for you, okay? Or write it down for later.

[He's trying to keep his tone light, but surprise! He really, really fucking sucks at it.]

'Kay. [...] I remmber 'portant stuff, but some things is mixed up a little.

[He gives Karkat's hand a bitty squeeze. Come on, dude, it's okay, he remembers you.

Maybe he'll remember better with snacks and lollipops, but he's good either way.]

[Oh my god, Dave, that's not what's depressing him. He does brighten a little at the squeeze, though, because argh, that's actually really sweet of him. He is getting so many snacks and lollipops.

... But, for now, he is getting Burger Slowking. Wonder of wonders, the scenery had whooshed past while they had their little stroll, and what should they be arriving at the entrance of at this very moment but that same fine dining establishment. Prepare your tastebuds for the most divine culinary adventure ever to come from mass-produced, packaged, and reheated pseudo meat-like "burgers" of mysterious origin. Maybe they're appearified in? We just don't know.]

Do you remember the menu? It would just fucking figure if you remembered their menu. Or, uh, I guess I could pick you up so you can re—look at the pictures.

[He is doomed.]

[!!!]

Up!

[He finally puts McNugget's ball away in his hoodie pocket and lets go of Karkat's hand, only to lift both his arms. Scooooooore.

(He does, actually, remember the menu. Besides, there are only, what, three options for kids? It's not like he's being offered a paralyzing amount of Choice.)

He briefly rises onto the balls of his feet, as if that'll help at all.]

Pick me up, Katkat.

[bro do u even lift]

[John is in fact so ready for this piggy back ride, and as soon as Dave feels secure, he steadies his friend's stubby legs and stands up.]

Okay, tiny Dave. Hold on tight!

[John starts walking in the direction of the hotel, though he starts off slow, just to make sure that Dave isn't going to tumble off of him by accident.]

[Karkat suspects nothing. It is the perfect crime. Also, not really, but he's damn well going to try, as seen by how he... uhhhh, fuck. Should he try a human piggyback or wait no, fuck that, Wart could lift Dave, so obviously a hardened warrior such as himself will have no trouble at all.

He bends to pick Dave up and oh dear god what does this child eat. He's stubbornly going to keep at it but wow, maybe he should have thought this through first.

Momentarily(?), Karkat emerges triumphant(?) with a small child held more or less securely in his arms, in sort of maybe good range to see the menu. He chances a few steps closer, adjusts his hold on Dave, and takes a peek at what's available himself.]

So. What do you want?

[Karkat, you fool, Wart is a Psychic/Fighting-type. Of course he can handle the weight of a human child, his slender anime limbs are a lie.

Either way, Dave is thrilled with this turn of events. His mouth is turned up in a genuine little smile, all :>>>>. He'd probably be squirming happily if that wouldn't make Karkat's life far more difficult than it has to be.

He scans the offerings with bright interest, then points.]

Cheeseburger Kid's Meal. [For breakfast, Dave? Apparently. But he's still looking, and he takes a tiny breath in and risks looking down at Karkat. A little more shyly, he points at something else.] And, and French toast sticks?

[Or 'Kalosian' toast sticks, but you know, he can't read.]

We can share.

Hehehe!

[This is much more like it. John needn't worry, Dave's grip is good and solid. Maybe he was born secretly part marsupial, what the fuck did John put in his genes when he made him.]

Brrrrroom, baroom, pwwoooooh... [This is his attempt at rocket ship starting noises, but he pauses and tries to look down at his best friend.] John, rocket ships goes faster than this, dude.

Hey, this is just the rocket ship starting phase! It needs to get warmed up first. But don't worry, little Dave, we're ready for blast off in three... two... one...

[Then he starts running off with reckless abandon, going nearly as fast as he can.

It's probably a good thing he can't fly anymore.]

YEEEEHEHEHE!

[THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT OF YOUNG DAVE'S LIFE. He clings to John, grinning and laughing before he masters himself to provide the requisite rocket ship noises.]

Pchooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[John is laughing like a madman, and he starts to run in squiggly lines and zig zags, just to make his duration as a rocketship even more exciting. He might be getting off track from the hotel, though. Just a bit.

John isn't a god anymore, though, and all of this running around is enough to wind him. He slows down after a few good minutes, trying to catch his breath. Though he isn't going to let his best bro down by ending the his pretend space adventures there.]

Aw man, I think the rocketship's running out of fuel. We might have to go in for a crash landing!

[This is a LOT more fun than getting thrown off a roof! Dave's legs bounce a little at the new wrench thrown into their plot, but he's happy to play along.]

Oh shit, son. [That? Sounds hilarious coming out of a four-year-old's mouth, by the way.] We gotta--we gotta use a parrychute. Afore it explooooodes!

[He raises both little fists into the air for a moment of drama, but gloms back on quickly enough. Kid knows how not to fall, at least.]

Mini Dave, I told you! No swearing!

[John doesn't really push Dave on that point, though. It's right back to the crash landing as he slowly falls to his knees.]

Quick, you got to get the parachute! The ship is going to self destruct! Weee-wooo, weee-wooo, weee-wooo.

[John continues to make alarm sounds as he slowly sinks closer and closer to the ground. Dave had better be ready to evacuate!]

That is absolutely AMAZING!

[And then a long, inquisitive stare, complete with tilted head.]

...A psychic type of WHAT, exactly? You don't look like any Faunus I'VE ever seen.

[Gassssp, oh no!]

Tell--tell my wifes and kids that I love them! I'll never forget you, Rocket John!

[Acting quickly, Dave unzips his little hoodie, grabs the zipper, and then leaps from John's back with what is honestly some fairly impressive air for a little kid, hoodie held above his head as a parachute.

He slips when he lands and falls on his butt, but doesn't even grunt. He just turns and looks at John expectantly, then lifts his hands again.]

Bwoooooooh.

[(That's an explosion noise.)]

[Wart just looks even more baffled, but Dave pats his chest to get his attention and sits up to whisper into his ear. Or. Whatever those things on the sides of his head are.]

...Ah. I'm a Pokémon. We're the, uh...animals here. I've been told to tell you this is not part of Remnant.

Oooooooooooh, that explains SO MUCH. Thank you, sir!

[Penny that explains almost nothing.]

Do you still require assistance? I would be MORE than happy to help in ANY way possible.

[John has to bite back a grin as he finally falls to the ground on his back, shaking his hands a little bit for dramatic effect when Dave provides the very important explosion noise.

When the explosion finally "settles," he sets his hand over his heart, closes his eyes, and sticks his tongue out with a final dramatic gagging sound. Here lies Rocket John, who died as he lived: being a big fucking goober.]

[Dave regards the tableau with solemn dignity for a moment, then gets up and drapes his hoodie ceremoniously over John's face.

R.I.P. in pieces, dude. We knew ye well.]

Do you know much about...childcare...?

[Why is he even trying, actually. In the meantime, Dave scowls up at him, offended.]

'M not a child.

[And there's that curious head-tilt again.]

...Are you absolutely certain? Because you most definitely LOOK like a child.

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