[There's a weird, jarring interval between her message and Dave's answer, not long enough to be a thoughtful pause but too abrupt for the natural rhythm of his conversation.]
im fine! totally just typos cold fingers evil dollhouse moving by themselves yeah i got it were good im following im ok
no you're not i know what freaking out looks like i
[This isn't working. Ashley flicks on the audio. Her voice is rough, because she's spent quite some time crying, but she's quiet. Urgent.]
Dave. You don't have to talk much, but listen to me, okay? Did I- did I say something in there that...set you off? Like...when you talked about monsters?
[Scared. He's not. He knows fear, fear is when death bears down with black wings and bared teeth and you can't move, and that's not how he feels about Bro. It's.
(Can't abscond, bro. Hoo hoo hee hee haa haa.)
It's not? It's, it's not, there's no way.]
It was a game. Or training, it...it's not the same, he wasn't trying to. To scare me, or. It's just a bro thing, he never hurt me.
[It's like the lie explodes in his mouth. His breath catches and he bites his knuckle hard, trying to steady himself, trying to mask his rising distress.
It was a lie.
He's definitely shaking now.]
Edited (Whoops I had that warning there and then my internet session timed out) 2016-03-07 04:28 (UTC)
[audio] SO NOW WE GOT CHILD ABUSIVE IN THIS THREAD TOO
[Oh God. Oh God, oh no. Dave. He said he was preparing him, preparing him by- what does Ashley do with this?
She sucks in a breath, loud and through her teeth.]
I know I said that...friendship with guys can get violent, but- he was your brother. Your...your legal guardian. So it matters wh-when I ask...
[She could be stepping over the line. But Dave, he doesn't seem like her. He doesn't seem paranoid. He has his problems, but this- this reads like something else. Something she's never had experience with, outside of fiction.
But she knows what her family life is. And her friends. And she knows this...]
He wasn't trying to scare you...but did he? Did he- Dave, did you feel...unsafe?
[It takes him a few sharp, scattered breaths to compose himself enough for an answer.]
N...No...?
[Oh god, he hates that rising tone at the end of that, hates how shaky he sounds. Of course he didn't feel unsafe, Bro was awesome and. And knew everything. He never let Dave get hurt, not really hurt, he made sure he didn't crack his skull open when he fell trying to get his stupid egg totem and he took him to the hospital when he broke his collarbone, all the rest of the stuff was incidental, it was just a game, if he'd said anything
(bro would have been disappointed would have ignored him had better things to do)
it would have stopped. He never took it too far. He just...Bro was really devoted to his creed. That's all it was.]
This--this isn't about me. We had kind of a weird relationship, but it wasn't. It's fine, it was fine, everyone has issues with their parental figures when they're--when they're thirteen.
[Almost defensive in how insistent she is; gripping the PokéGear tight as she can, taking a moment to dig her teeth into her lower lip, to focus on something real.]
I'm not- I'm not ignoring if something's wrong, and- I know, it was different with you, but- I didn't have these kinds of problems. Neither did Josh a-and he was the most, the-
[She swallows.]
I don't want to push anything, Dave but, I- I can't-
[stand by, let it happen, let someone suffer, let it all happen, what's worse, actively triggering events that lead to someone's death or passively allowing a tragedy to occur because you couldn't lift a goddamn finger to help someone else--]
...if you want to...talk, about anything...then I'm willing to listen. Without- without judgment, or- because I think it'd be worthwhile. To get it out. Like you're saying for me.
[Dave does not want to talk. Not about this, not about anything. But he can't leave it, not when she thinks--when he's letting her think that Bro--anyway, no. He can't do that.
He sits there without speaking, teeth hard against his fist, alternately holding his breath and hiccuping with it, for a long time. When his answer comes, his voice is low.]
He died anyway.
[There. Now she knows.]
That's what happened. When I fucked up with Jade. He died, that's why.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[text]
dave?
what's wrong?
are you ok?
dave??
[text]
im fine!
totally
just
typos
cold fingers
evil dollhouse moving by themselves yeah i got it were good im following im ok
[text -> audio]
i know what freaking out looks like i
[This isn't working. Ashley flicks on the audio. Her voice is rough, because she's spent quite some time crying, but she's quiet. Urgent.]
Dave. You don't have to talk much, but listen to me, okay? Did I- did I say something in there that...set you off? Like...when you talked about monsters?
[audio]
(Yes, he did. So did Rose. Jade, too. Dave just never caught on.)
If Ashley's voice is rough, Dave's sounds taut, like a steel-string guitar tuned too tightly, high notes ready to snap.]
Um.
[Shit, did she really have to switch it to audio? He thinks he's shaking. Dumb. That's dumb.]
No. No, just. Bro used to do that. He had puppets, they, they, um. Anyway, it's different, it doesn't matter.
[audio]
[Her voice cracks and wavers. It's low, mostly, unless it raises an octave, midway through a word.]
N- no, of course that matters. If- he raised you, and he did something that's making you this...this scared...?
[audio] Okay those vague allusions are no longer so vague or allusive
[Scared. He's not. He knows fear, fear is when death bears down with black wings and bared teeth and you can't move, and that's not how he feels about Bro. It's.
(Can't abscond, bro. Hoo hoo hee hee haa haa.)
It's not? It's, it's not, there's no way.]
It was a game. Or training, it...it's not the same, he wasn't trying to. To scare me, or. It's just a bro thing, he never hurt me.
[It's like the lie explodes in his mouth. His breath catches and he bites his knuckle hard, trying to steady himself, trying to mask his rising distress.
It was a lie.
He's definitely shaking now.]
[audio] SO NOW WE GOT CHILD ABUSIVE IN THIS THREAD TOO
She sucks in a breath, loud and through her teeth.]
I know I said that...friendship with guys can get violent, but- he was your brother. Your...your legal guardian. So it matters wh-when I ask...
[She could be stepping over the line. But Dave, he doesn't seem like her. He doesn't seem paranoid. He has his problems, but this- this reads like something else. Something she's never had experience with, outside of fiction.
But she knows what her family life is. And her friends. And she knows this...]
He wasn't trying to scare you...but did he? Did he- Dave, did you feel...unsafe?
[audio]
N...No...?
[Oh god, he hates that rising tone at the end of that, hates how shaky he sounds. Of course he didn't feel unsafe, Bro was awesome and. And knew everything. He never let Dave get hurt, not really hurt, he made sure he didn't crack his skull open when he fell trying to get his stupid egg totem and he took him to the hospital when he broke his collarbone, all the rest of the stuff was incidental, it was just a game, if he'd said anything
(bro would have been disappointed would have ignored him had better things to do)
it would have stopped. He never took it too far. He just...Bro was really devoted to his creed. That's all it was.]
This--this isn't about me. We had kind of a weird relationship, but it wasn't. It's fine, it was fine, everyone has issues with their parental figures when they're--when they're thirteen.
[audio]
[Almost defensive in how insistent she is; gripping the PokéGear tight as she can, taking a moment to dig her teeth into her lower lip, to focus on something real.]
I'm not- I'm not ignoring if something's wrong, and- I know, it was different with you, but- I didn't have these kinds of problems. Neither did Josh a-and he was the most, the-
[She swallows.]
I don't want to push anything, Dave but, I- I can't-
[stand by, let it happen, let someone suffer, let it all happen, what's worse, actively triggering events that lead to someone's death or passively allowing a tragedy to occur because you couldn't lift a goddamn finger to help someone else--]
...if you want to...talk, about anything...then I'm willing to listen. Without- without judgment, or- because I think it'd be worthwhile. To get it out. Like you're saying for me.
[audio]
He sits there without speaking, teeth hard against his fist, alternately holding his breath and hiccuping with it, for a long time. When his answer comes, his voice is low.]
He died anyway.
[There. Now she knows.]
That's what happened. When I fucked up with Jade. He died, that's why.
[audio]
I... I kind of...figured. You said it...it had something to do with family, after all.
[...]
I won't ask about it. But the offer's still there, if you ever...ever want to.
[audio]
He's trying to.
What's she asking? He swallows, nods tightly even though she can't see him. Right. If he ever wants to talk.]
Okay.
[Never ever ever, ever. He takes off his shades to press the back of his wrist against his eyes. His fingers are still trembling. Holy shit.]
I should. I should go, I got an. Egg to walk. 'N Li'l Jon gets antsy if I leave him c-cooped up too long.
[audio]
This is not like Josh. Dave is not like Josh. Jesus Christ, she will make sure Dave never ends up like Josh.]
Of course. [Soft, raw but gentle.] Thank you for listening.
[(No one should hear about that one. The second one. No one should have to-)]
Take care of yourself... And I'll talk to you some time later, alright?
[audio]
[His voice has dropped nearly to a whisper.]
Later.