4 ∅ [Video]

[callbacks]

[The video starts on an unsure-looking Kirlia. He starts to edge away, but Dave--apparently behind the camera--speaks.]

Naw, go ahead, dude. C'mon. Don't be shy.

[The Kirlia sighs, extremely put upon, and then ballet-toes back into place. There's a Dawn Stone on the floor nearby; the Kirlia bends primly at the waist to pick it up, and:

Presto.

Wart the Gallade examines his arm-blades for a moment, then shoots Dave a look as if to say, "If we're quite done now." Dave chuckles quietly.]

Yeah, yeah, thanks for humoring me, bro. The moment has been secured for posterity. Duty discharged. [The relief on the Gallade's face is palpable before Dave turns the camera towards his own movie star mug. Hello, Johto.]

So, hey. I get that baby's first evolution is probably ancient headwear for most of you, but he's the first guy I got all the way to his final form. That's worth some kind of jokey home video.

[Yeah, because he's obviously being ironic about this. He's not Proud Dadding all over his starter, no sirree.]

Anyway, I've been hearing about a bunch of different evolutionary paths our Poképals can take, and, I dunno. I'm curious, I guess. If you ever made a choice like that, what made you pick one way or the other?

Comments

[eclectictype]

Pfff--hahaha--oh my god, that sounds awful. You should totally draw it and show everybody!

[Aereon.]

[callbacks]

Okay, but when the next installment of these games comes out and that's what Aereon actually looks like, you're gonna have to stand in line for my autograph the same as any other sucker awed by my precognitive celebrity.

[eclectictype]

Oh hell no, Strider, I've got best friend privileges, you can't void them even if you try.

[Aereon is actually a pretty good name, though, all told.]

Hopefully the shiny isn't black, then it'd be a Corveon and you'd mysteriously have swarms of them all up in your business daily.

[callbacks]

Oh Christ. Fuck. I take it back, there will be no Aereon, Dave's Poképrediction Corner is closed forever. I've got enough of that with Poe and Turkey Leg, thanks.

[eclectictype]

Oh noooo, the feathery assholes thwart Dave Strider again!

[That is the least sympathetic sounding "oh no" ever, Jade you little shit.]

Don't worry, Dave, a Flying type evolution doesn't exist yet. And when you think about it, it'd be kind of fucked up for Eevee to get something like a Ghost evolution, wouldn't it? So what happens, they die and become a Ghost type?

[callbacks]

I dunno. Do other things die to become Ghost types? What if it just got...spooky?

...

Halloweenieon.

[eclectictype]

Well, I'm not a ghost expert, you will probably have to find one in the absence of John, but in the game there were instances of Pokemon dying--and you had to fight one as a ghost. It's all in a little place called Lavender Town.

[A spooky scary place that Jade has no idea has been redesigned to be more linear in current generations.]

You're on fire with these Eevee puns, Strider, we're going to have to get a Vaporeon to put you out at this rate!

[callbacks]

Oh no, don't you start. Don't turn this into pun thing. You know how these things go, once you start you can't ever stop until you run out of the English language.

...

No thanks to Will-eon Shakespeare.

[eclectictype]

Pfffffffffft--oh my god, Dave!

[callbacks]

You only got yourself to blame, Jade, you engaged this wordplay machine. It's just gonna be Puns-a-Mill-eon from here on out.