callbacks: (that superbass)
[The video starts on an unsure-looking Kirlia. He starts to edge away, but Dave--apparently behind the camera--speaks.]

Naw, go ahead, dude. C'mon. Don't be shy.

[The Kirlia sighs, extremely put upon, and then ballet-toes back into place. There's a Dawn Stone on the floor nearby; the Kirlia bends primly at the waist to pick it up, and:

Presto.

Wart the Gallade examines his arm-blades for a moment, then shoots Dave a look as if to say, "If we're quite done now." Dave chuckles quietly.]


Yeah, yeah, thanks for humoring me, bro. The moment has been secured for posterity. Duty discharged. [The relief on the Gallade's face is palpable before Dave turns the camera towards his own movie star mug. Hello, Johto.]

So, hey. I get that baby's first evolution is probably ancient headwear for most of you, but he's the first guy I got all the way to his final form. That's worth some kind of jokey home video.

[Yeah, because he's obviously being ironic about this. He's not Proud Dadding all over his starter, no sirree.]

Anyway, I've been hearing about a bunch of different evolutionary paths our Poképals can take, and, I dunno. I'm curious, I guess. If you ever made a choice like that, what made you pick one way or the other?
callbacks: (i got this for you)
[Cleared font formatting, check. Autocorrect, check. Masked I.D., triple check. Dave's been wrestling with this question for over a week, and he's no closer to an answer than he was eight days ago. No closer than he was three years ago.

Where's Dear Abby when you need advice?]


Have you ever been in a situation
Where you knew something somebody else didn't
And you weren't sure if you should tell them or not
Like you knew that if they found out they'd be really upset but there's also nothing they could do about it
And you don't want them to blame themselves
Or
Get mad at you
But pretending it didn't happen feels
I don't know
A lot like lying I guess
What would you do in those circumstances?

I'm asking for a friend.
callbacks: KEESME (i cant see)
you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not


[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

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dave mamahecking strider

October 2020

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