Voicemail

[callbacks]

text . voice . video . action

Please note the date and time of day for me!

Comments

[callbacks]

yeah different trolls then
are the trolls you know the naked kind from the eighties with funny faces and crazy rainbow hair

[crouching_sin]

No, they're usually what you might call 'giants'. Either the sort that you might imagine living under a bridge or giant people or mythological beings from the Scandinavian area.

[callbacks]

oh those kind
yeah no i dont know anything about that kind of trolls sociopolitical structures so ill have to defer to your expertise on that
when you say you know them though
do you mean know them personally or know of them

[crouching_sin]

Both. I had to know how to summon them to program the summoning circles in, though a few demons can just be done by general 'family'.

But then there's Loki, who I've known for at least a thousand years, and he's a jotunn. Which aren't 'technically' trolls depending on who you ask, and if you ask Loki anything he gives you five different answers.

[callbacks]

oh those are
shit
giants right
man i really dont remember this stuff

[crouching_sin]

Yes, they are. Closely related to trolls, but again, only maybe. There's some things even I don't know.

[callbacks]

what???
perish the very thought bro im frankly reasonably confident you know everything there fucking is to know

[crouching_sin]

It doesn't help when one of your main sources of information is a trickster god. I always have to bribe him to get anything useful. And it's not like I've ever been to the demon world.

... It might be nice to visit, but I don't think I could. Not even with the barrier down.

Anyway, tell me about these trolls you know.

[callbacks]

oh yeah ok
so theyre aliens from another dimension but they actually look pretty much the same as humans except theyre grey and they got horns
and different color blood upon which they base some kind of fucked up militaristic caste system
and they reproduce by jacking off in sync into a bucket and feeding it to a grub??
i usually tune out when they get to explaining that part

[crouching_sin]

Interesting. So how did you come into contact with them?

[callbacks]

they started hassling us over the internet like a bunch of cryptic unsettling douchebags who wouldnt stay blocked

[crouching_sin]

... Internet trolls.

That's amazing.

[callbacks]

i know right
mostly my life experience has been entirely horrific bullshit
but every once in a blue moon coming from a universe that essentially runs on stupid word associations has its bright moments

[crouching_sin]

What's their culture like aside from the caste system and the reproductive aspect?

[callbacks]

from what i understand
violent
their main objective as a race seemed to have been to ship out and conquer other planets in the galaxy and shit back on home sweet alternia wasnt sunshine and roses either
they actually leave their young to get raised by wild animals and its pretty kill or be killed out there
but they weirdly share some of our cultural touchstones??
theres a troll will smith
like thats his name troll will smith

[crouching_sin]

But they're in a different dimension, so I guess you didn't have to worry about Earth.

... That's dumb.

[callbacks]

its absolutely moronic and sometimes i wonder if it might be a translation issue
but yeah
we wouldnt have had to worry about earth anyway since it got flattened by meteors so meh whatever

[crouching_sin]

Oh, right. That.

No way to fix it somehow?

[callbacks]

if theres a way to fix six point seven billion people dying from an unstoppable barrage of space rock i dont know about it

[crouching_sin]

Uh...

[There is some time before he responds.]

Short of serious supernatural intervention, unless your Earth is more technologically capable than mine there's very little that can be done, people being what they are and prone to ignoring the truth.

... For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

[You got a Genuine Feeling from him. Mark this in the record books.]

[callbacks]

[A beat.]

i mean

it is what it is i guess
it already happened a long time ago

[crouching_sin]

[There's another long pause as he tries to decide just how open or parental he should be with Dave. It's... tricky, partly because of all of his everything, and partly because he knows damn well what teenagers are like.]

Dave. It's okay to not be over things. I'm still sorting through things that happened sixty, six hundred, or two thousand years ago.

So if you ever want to talk about your feelings, even if you think they're stupid, believe me - I've heard stupider. And I've been and had enough teenagers to know that feelings can be a pain in the ass to sort through.

No obligation, no judgement. No trolling, either. I can tell you're not the feelings pow wow sort of person, but you have to let feelings out sometimes.

[Just... try to not cause as much destruction as his own 'outlets' sometimes cause...]

[callbacks]

[Dave's the one to take a long time to reply, this time.]






ok
well

ill think about it

[crouching_sin]

There's no rush, obviously.

[And away from this topic we go.]

Have you caught anything interesting lately?

[callbacks]

dude i dont think ive actually CAUGHT anything for myself since i pokeballed a murkrow to get her to stop divebombing my face
but here look
look at this

[He sends a small video attachment: A baby Litwick follows Wart the Gallade around and covers her face every time he turns around, perplexed and slightly annoyed.]

she did that for like half an hour
shit was hilarious and pretty much unbearably cute