[Saw. He's seen those movies. Bro loved that low-budget torture porn shit, how many versions of that asshole Billy the Puppet did he have? Those ugly fuckers are probably still dangling lifelessly from the ceiling of their apartment or chilling in the kitchen, webcams whirring in their eyes, recording nothing unto nothing for a man no longer living to enjoy the footage.
HELLO ROWLF. I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
Heeuurgh. Bluh bluh bluh. Dave gets up and paces the room a couple times, trying to shake the feeling of being watched, of metal threats waiting in the shadows. He needs to chill. He needs to focus. He returns to his 'Gear and forces himself to read it again, but his skin won't stop prickling, heart thumping like a captured bird against the bars of his ribcage.]
god god ashley what the fuck thats so fucked up im so sorry
[She'd held it together so well, but now her hands are shaking. The left side of her face tingles, stings, and she's acutely aware of how the spurt and splatter of blood feels against her skin once more.
Fluff, against her hand, the hand that's no longer holding the PokéGear because it slipped from her grasp once the saw-blades started their sweet symphony in her pounding ears. Eliot's nuzzling her. Good little Espurr. Nala's right behind him, licking her left hand.
That's right, that's a real sensation. That's what she has to do, right? Focus on the real. Like a nice electric lion cub's soothing tongue.
The pins and needles won't leave, but Ashley can at least collect her 'Gear.]
yeah it josh knew just what to do and he he knew just what scenarios to craft i think he was trying to push me and chris together in his own fucked up way because the next one
i'm getting ahead of myself jesus ok god fucked as it is it didn't stop there sam wasn't answering us when we eventually got back so chris and i had to go looking for her josh tried to something? capture her chase her but she got away though we didn't know that
we played right into his hand again though time for well you ever heard of those like mystery dinner parties? with clues all set up and that's what he did had the lodge wired so he could watch us and set off doors to open and lock and that stuff lead us down to the basement
[text] This single tag is safe but it's also four words long
of course how else could he "play the puppet master" if he couldn't see us ugh
so he had this creepy ghost mannequin set up and i don't even know how he DID it some of the time probably the projector we found and he lead us down to the basement while we were looking for sam and i bought into EVERYTHING because he knew just what to do to make me chris was convinced it wasn't real but i i was just gullible i guess and he left hannah's journal which
had this entry about him being hospitalized before anything even
that's besides the point i shouldn't talk about that
what matters is it was in the roof of this creepy dollhouse
it was all set up like things were last year with these freaky naked dolls representing us right hair and skin color and all that josh and chris all passed out upstairs and the rest of us set up filming hannah
it was horrible the whole thing was just set up to make me feel worse about everything that happened and then to make matters worse oh god it was so FREAKY he rigged it so the hannah doll's eyes snapped open and went all wonky and egh it freaks me out just thinking about it
[If Dave were in any state to feel self-conscious, he'd be grateful that a) this conversation is text and b) Karkat is nowhere in the vicinity, because a choked, frightened prey animal noise escapes his throat.
He should type a response. He needs to type a response. Why can't he get his fingers to move?]
[There's a weird, jarring interval between her message and Dave's answer, not long enough to be a thoughtful pause but too abrupt for the natural rhythm of his conversation.]
im fine! totally just typos cold fingers evil dollhouse moving by themselves yeah i got it were good im following im ok
no you're not i know what freaking out looks like i
[This isn't working. Ashley flicks on the audio. Her voice is rough, because she's spent quite some time crying, but she's quiet. Urgent.]
Dave. You don't have to talk much, but listen to me, okay? Did I- did I say something in there that...set you off? Like...when you talked about monsters?
[Scared. He's not. He knows fear, fear is when death bears down with black wings and bared teeth and you can't move, and that's not how he feels about Bro. It's.
(Can't abscond, bro. Hoo hoo hee hee haa haa.)
It's not? It's, it's not, there's no way.]
It was a game. Or training, it...it's not the same, he wasn't trying to. To scare me, or. It's just a bro thing, he never hurt me.
[It's like the lie explodes in his mouth. His breath catches and he bites his knuckle hard, trying to steady himself, trying to mask his rising distress.
It was a lie.
He's definitely shaking now.]
Edited (Whoops I had that warning there and then my internet session timed out) 2016-03-07 04:28 (UTC)
[audio] SO NOW WE GOT CHILD ABUSIVE IN THIS THREAD TOO
[Oh God. Oh God, oh no. Dave. He said he was preparing him, preparing him by- what does Ashley do with this?
She sucks in a breath, loud and through her teeth.]
I know I said that...friendship with guys can get violent, but- he was your brother. Your...your legal guardian. So it matters wh-when I ask...
[She could be stepping over the line. But Dave, he doesn't seem like her. He doesn't seem paranoid. He has his problems, but this- this reads like something else. Something she's never had experience with, outside of fiction.
But she knows what her family life is. And her friends. And she knows this...]
He wasn't trying to scare you...but did he? Did he- Dave, did you feel...unsafe?
[It takes him a few sharp, scattered breaths to compose himself enough for an answer.]
N...No...?
[Oh god, he hates that rising tone at the end of that, hates how shaky he sounds. Of course he didn't feel unsafe, Bro was awesome and. And knew everything. He never let Dave get hurt, not really hurt, he made sure he didn't crack his skull open when he fell trying to get his stupid egg totem and he took him to the hospital when he broke his collarbone, all the rest of the stuff was incidental, it was just a game, if he'd said anything
(bro would have been disappointed would have ignored him had better things to do)
it would have stopped. He never took it too far. He just...Bro was really devoted to his creed. That's all it was.]
This--this isn't about me. We had kind of a weird relationship, but it wasn't. It's fine, it was fine, everyone has issues with their parental figures when they're--when they're thirteen.
[Almost defensive in how insistent she is; gripping the PokéGear tight as she can, taking a moment to dig her teeth into her lower lip, to focus on something real.]
I'm not- I'm not ignoring if something's wrong, and- I know, it was different with you, but- I didn't have these kinds of problems. Neither did Josh a-and he was the most, the-
[She swallows.]
I don't want to push anything, Dave but, I- I can't-
[stand by, let it happen, let someone suffer, let it all happen, what's worse, actively triggering events that lead to someone's death or passively allowing a tragedy to occur because you couldn't lift a goddamn finger to help someone else--]
...if you want to...talk, about anything...then I'm willing to listen. Without- without judgment, or- because I think it'd be worthwhile. To get it out. Like you're saying for me.
[Dave does not want to talk. Not about this, not about anything. But he can't leave it, not when she thinks--when he's letting her think that Bro--anyway, no. He can't do that.
He sits there without speaking, teeth hard against his fist, alternately holding his breath and hiccuping with it, for a long time. When his answer comes, his voice is low.]
He died anyway.
[There. Now she knows.]
That's what happened. When I fucked up with Jade. He died, that's why.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[text] Now including vague allusions to past child abuse!
take your time
[Saw. He's seen those movies. Bro loved that low-budget torture porn shit, how many versions of that asshole Billy the Puppet did he have? Those ugly fuckers are probably still dangling lifelessly from the ceiling of their apartment or chilling in the kitchen, webcams whirring in their eyes, recording nothing unto nothing for a man no longer living to enjoy the footage.
HELLO ROWLF. I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
Heeuurgh. Bluh bluh bluh. Dave gets up and paces the room a couple times, trying to shake the feeling of being watched, of metal threats waiting in the shadows. He needs to chill. He needs to focus. He returns to his 'Gear and forces himself to read it again, but his skin won't stop prickling, heart thumping like a captured bird against the bars of his ribcage.]
god
god ashley what the fuck
thats so fucked up im so sorry
[text] we're just hitting trauma bingo here
itts
[She'd held it together so well, but now her hands are shaking. The left side of her face tingles, stings, and she's acutely aware of how the spurt and splatter of blood feels against her skin once more.
Fluff, against her hand, the hand that's no longer holding the PokéGear because it slipped from her grasp once the saw-blades started their sweet symphony in her pounding ears. Eliot's nuzzling her. Good little Espurr. Nala's right behind him, licking her left hand.
That's right, that's a real sensation. That's what she has to do, right? Focus on the real. Like a nice electric lion cub's soothing tongue.
The pins and needles won't leave, but Ashley can at least collect her 'Gear.]
yeah
it
josh knew just what to do
and he
he knew just what scenarios to
craft
i think he was trying to
push me and chris together
in his own fucked up way
because the next one
i'm getting ahead of myself
jesus
ok god fucked as it is it didn't stop there
sam wasn't answering us
when we eventually got back
so chris and i had to go looking for her
josh tried to
something?
capture her chase her
but she got away though we didn't know that
we played right into his hand again though
time for
well
you ever
heard of those like
mystery dinner parties?
with clues all set up and
that's what he did
had the lodge wired so he could
watch us and
set off doors to open and lock and
that stuff
lead us down to the basement
[text] This single tag is safe but it's also four words long
like
with cameras?
[text] the calm before the storm
how else could he
"play the puppet master"
if he couldn't see us
ugh
so he had this creepy ghost mannequin set up and i don't even know how he DID it some of the time
probably the projector we found
and he lead us down to the basement while we were looking for sam
and i bought into EVERYTHING because he knew just what to do to make me
chris was convinced it wasn't real but i
i was just gullible i guess
and he left hannah's journal which
had this
entry about him being hospitalized before anything even
that's besides the point i shouldn't talk about that
what matters is it was in the roof of this
creepy dollhouse
[text] Ohhhhh boy
Yeah, actually, Dave's not going to respond to that. Wow, he really is a good listener!]
[text] flicks lights on and off WELCOME TO HELL WELCOME TO HELL
with these freaky naked dolls representing us
right hair and skin color and all that
josh and chris all passed out upstairs and
the rest of us set up filming hannah
it was horrible
the whole thing was just set up to make me feel worse about everything that happened
and then to make matters worse
oh god it was so FREAKY he rigged it so the hannah doll's eyes snapped open and went all wonky and
egh it freaks me out just thinking about it
[text] OHHHHHH BOY
He should type a response. He needs to type a response. Why can't he get his fingers to move?]
yeah
thats
pretty freakt
y
[text]
dave?
what's wrong?
are you ok?
dave??
[text]
im fine!
totally
just
typos
cold fingers
evil dollhouse moving by themselves yeah i got it were good im following im ok
[text -> audio]
i know what freaking out looks like i
[This isn't working. Ashley flicks on the audio. Her voice is rough, because she's spent quite some time crying, but she's quiet. Urgent.]
Dave. You don't have to talk much, but listen to me, okay? Did I- did I say something in there that...set you off? Like...when you talked about monsters?
[audio]
(Yes, he did. So did Rose. Jade, too. Dave just never caught on.)
If Ashley's voice is rough, Dave's sounds taut, like a steel-string guitar tuned too tightly, high notes ready to snap.]
Um.
[Shit, did she really have to switch it to audio? He thinks he's shaking. Dumb. That's dumb.]
No. No, just. Bro used to do that. He had puppets, they, they, um. Anyway, it's different, it doesn't matter.
[audio]
[Her voice cracks and wavers. It's low, mostly, unless it raises an octave, midway through a word.]
N- no, of course that matters. If- he raised you, and he did something that's making you this...this scared...?
[audio] Okay those vague allusions are no longer so vague or allusive
[Scared. He's not. He knows fear, fear is when death bears down with black wings and bared teeth and you can't move, and that's not how he feels about Bro. It's.
(Can't abscond, bro. Hoo hoo hee hee haa haa.)
It's not? It's, it's not, there's no way.]
It was a game. Or training, it...it's not the same, he wasn't trying to. To scare me, or. It's just a bro thing, he never hurt me.
[It's like the lie explodes in his mouth. His breath catches and he bites his knuckle hard, trying to steady himself, trying to mask his rising distress.
It was a lie.
He's definitely shaking now.]
[audio] SO NOW WE GOT CHILD ABUSIVE IN THIS THREAD TOO
She sucks in a breath, loud and through her teeth.]
I know I said that...friendship with guys can get violent, but- he was your brother. Your...your legal guardian. So it matters wh-when I ask...
[She could be stepping over the line. But Dave, he doesn't seem like her. He doesn't seem paranoid. He has his problems, but this- this reads like something else. Something she's never had experience with, outside of fiction.
But she knows what her family life is. And her friends. And she knows this...]
He wasn't trying to scare you...but did he? Did he- Dave, did you feel...unsafe?
[audio]
N...No...?
[Oh god, he hates that rising tone at the end of that, hates how shaky he sounds. Of course he didn't feel unsafe, Bro was awesome and. And knew everything. He never let Dave get hurt, not really hurt, he made sure he didn't crack his skull open when he fell trying to get his stupid egg totem and he took him to the hospital when he broke his collarbone, all the rest of the stuff was incidental, it was just a game, if he'd said anything
(bro would have been disappointed would have ignored him had better things to do)
it would have stopped. He never took it too far. He just...Bro was really devoted to his creed. That's all it was.]
This--this isn't about me. We had kind of a weird relationship, but it wasn't. It's fine, it was fine, everyone has issues with their parental figures when they're--when they're thirteen.
[audio]
[Almost defensive in how insistent she is; gripping the PokéGear tight as she can, taking a moment to dig her teeth into her lower lip, to focus on something real.]
I'm not- I'm not ignoring if something's wrong, and- I know, it was different with you, but- I didn't have these kinds of problems. Neither did Josh a-and he was the most, the-
[She swallows.]
I don't want to push anything, Dave but, I- I can't-
[stand by, let it happen, let someone suffer, let it all happen, what's worse, actively triggering events that lead to someone's death or passively allowing a tragedy to occur because you couldn't lift a goddamn finger to help someone else--]
...if you want to...talk, about anything...then I'm willing to listen. Without- without judgment, or- because I think it'd be worthwhile. To get it out. Like you're saying for me.
[audio]
He sits there without speaking, teeth hard against his fist, alternately holding his breath and hiccuping with it, for a long time. When his answer comes, his voice is low.]
He died anyway.
[There. Now she knows.]
That's what happened. When I fucked up with Jade. He died, that's why.
[audio]
I... I kind of...figured. You said it...it had something to do with family, after all.
[...]
I won't ask about it. But the offer's still there, if you ever...ever want to.
[audio]
He's trying to.
What's she asking? He swallows, nods tightly even though she can't see him. Right. If he ever wants to talk.]
Okay.
[Never ever ever, ever. He takes off his shades to press the back of his wrist against his eyes. His fingers are still trembling. Holy shit.]
I should. I should go, I got an. Egg to walk. 'N Li'l Jon gets antsy if I leave him c-cooped up too long.
[audio]
This is not like Josh. Dave is not like Josh. Jesus Christ, she will make sure Dave never ends up like Josh.]
Of course. [Soft, raw but gentle.] Thank you for listening.
[(No one should hear about that one. The second one. No one should have to-)]
Take care of yourself... And I'll talk to you some time later, alright?
[audio]
[His voice has dropped nearly to a whisper.]
Later.