Aw, shit, he's probably freaking the hell out. I should...
[Dave glances back at the door, and more leaks out: concern, a tightening of the chest, the memory of Karkat tucked warm and safe under his chin, he can't be crying, protective and belonging-feelings.
He hovers on the verge of running off to look for him, then looks back at Dirk, at the utter oddity of those neutral expressions on Karkat's face. He doesn't think Karkat's ever looked neutral in his life.]
...Are you okay? Waking up all Vantasfied, I mean.
[Hesitance/concern/curiosity again, the worry for Karkat a constant background rhythm, like a pulse, but not the only thing on his mind; an inadvertent little push to see if the door's cracked, if he can really see that this poor guy (brother-notbrother, fucked up like him) is all right, displaced like this.]
[ Should find him? Dirk isn't the main problem, he can tell now. The reminder of things that are completely awful. The main problem would be something he's vaguely catching. He thinks it's his own at first. That longing. Someone safe and warm. He thinks of Jake. Ah. No. Wrong.
That's not his. That's Dave. The main problem is Dave is going to keep worrying about Karkat. Dave can't be more fucked up about his face than his timeline, right? They should just find wherever Karkat is puppeteering Dirk. ]
Me? [ Is he okay? Something's wrong. This situation is completely beyond his control. He doesn't feel right. He feels splintered off again. Half awake and trying to focus because he left his body elsewhere. He can hear a heart beating in his ears and he knows that's not his own right now. He balls his hands up at his sides. God, he's fucking terrified. ]
Yup. I'm good. I'm feeling pretty short as shit though. How tall is he?
[The dissonance between what Dirk says and what Dave's gleaning from him unintentionally is jarring, and Dave's doubtful face doesn't lighten. Wart watches him with an expression that kind of says, "Yeah, how do you think I feel, talking to you?"
Anyway.]
I dunno, five-six? Little shorter than Jade.
[A flicker of stars at first spring, lime, and deep loyalty, the forever-ever-ever kind, and it's gone. First things first: Dirk is the one in front of him, and he's kind of freaking out about being in Karkat's body (haha lol). Dave's got enough worry to go around, he can make sure Dirk's all right before he goes anywhere. He turns a hand palm-out and tries to sound calming.]
It's gonna be okay, dude. These things seem to last two or three days tops, and you're welcome to hide out in here with the lights off or whatever until it's over.
[ Dirk briefly looks at Dave (Wart wearing Dave) and looks him up and down in an obvious yet subtle size-up. Something's different here if he's (Karkat) an estimated 5'6. It might have something to do with Wart failing to continue on with Dave's slight hunching. How long has Dave been here? A year? Is he the older one? Dave might get a kick out of it if he verbalizes this thought. It's better than the worry he's getting. ]
Are you taller than me?
[ They should have Dirk (Karkat wearing Dirk) to stand back to back. That little flicker reminds him of Jake again. And Roxy. Huh. The comment does little to calm him. It only causes a pang of confusion and increasing worry that this is apparently a frequent enough situation that Dave has an estimated timeframe for it. No control. Just change who they are/look like willy-nilly. Back to the possibility of hearing the eerie cheering of "DIRK DIRK DIRK DIRK." Oh god. ]
Thanks. We should probably find Karkat before I crawl into any sort of hole in here. [ He might not be as inviting. ]
Edited (Phone tagging is hard) 2016-05-25 15:20 (UTC)
[Aaah, okay, Dirk is not a stoic unfeeling manlyguy incapable of the human disease called anxiety, lesson secured. Dave feels...a little bad for even wondering if he might be.
Time to do what he does best: Pretend everything is chill by throwing words at the world.]
Okay. Yeah, Karkat. Um...you know, even if he says you smell like a butt made out of dumps, you can at LEAST stay in the hotel, right? Come on, Wart.
[Dave opens the door for all of them, feeling oddly balanced even having lost nearly a foot of height. Is that because Wart's a Fighting type? Or a Psychic type? Wart himself definitely looks less comfortable on Dave's stork legs, though maybe he's just not comfortable with, like. Anything. He really wants his Psychic powers back, thanks.
Dave looks back, though, intrigued.]
Am I taller than you? You know, normally. How tall are you?
[ Pretending everything is chill by verbalizing endlessly sounds about right to Dirk. His face certainly is good at pretending. That doesn't falter even once while he keeps internally flipping the fuck out. ]
That's good to know. [ Is Dave just saying he'll overrule Karkat's vote? That's probably what he's saying here. That's massively appreciated. He wonders if everyone else is in the same hotel.
Dirk follows behind them - adjusting to the balance after a couple of steps. He's not comfortable but he's doing his best to not fall on his face again and it's working. He's also using a hand and combing it through Karkat's unruly hair with his fingers. This is some bedhead. Jesus dick. He's going to at least get this a little neater with the effort. If someone else runs into them he doesn't want to make Karkat look like a mess. ]
[Well, mostly he's saying Karkat has no say in who gets to stay in the public dang hotel, but yeah, Dave would at least be willing to put a word in for Dirk.
Anyway, he's surprised and a little--juuuust a little--bit pleased.]
Huh. Yeah, I. Guess I'm a little taller than that, now. I hit a growth spurt around my birthday.
[He starts to lead the way to the lobby, but then Wart says "eep!" in Dave's voice and puts a hand in his pocket. He opens the PokéGear, then hands it to Dave so he can reply to Karkat. In the meantime, Wart just tries not to look embarrassed, though he eventually gives up and stuffs his hands in his pockets, blushing faintly.
Dave glances up again, about to say something, then does a double-take. A faint thread of laughter winds its way through his mental voice.]
[ Dirk is thinking about movies that contain scenes of hotels in them. There's a list of pros and cons he's forming in the back of his head while feeling a vague sense of childish excitement about maybe staying in one. He decides he has to try room service at least once so he can report back to Roxy about how classy it is even if this is no where near as lavish of a hotel as the word "classy" implies. He hopes they have those card-key locks. Did he see Dave with a key? He rumages through his (Karkat's) pockets to see if he has one. Then returns the hands back to the (futile?) effort of taming this hair.
He missed Dave's birthday. Now he's older and taller. The logical point of his head states that he missed every birthday and feeling like he failed the guy somehow by not celebrating it is stupid. He feels like he let him down somehow. He has to make up for an alternate version of him that never made him boxed lunches. If Jane was here, he'd probably ask her to make a beyond-belated cake. She would call him crazy but do it anyway, he bets.
His eyes stick to Wart while they move. Wow. That's all kinds of weird and adorable seeing Dave's face blush. He only stops when Dave chimes into his thoughts again. He slowly turns his gaze over (down. Dave is so soft right now.) Hd promptly drops his hands to his sides. ]
Sometimes I ruffle it up and he just ruffles it back to the way it was somehow. I'm not sure they had combs on Alternia.
[There it is again: deep, hard-earned fondness woven over time, dark greys and bright reds and, wow, Dave really wants to hold that guy's hand all the time or something. Those are some very snuggly feelings that may or may not actually be pale.]
It's kind of pointless to try, anyway, it's too thick. Jade's hair is like that too but at least you can tie it up with shit.
[The feel of it in his hands, heavy and dark and coarse, long afternoons spent brushing it out and twisting it gently into braids and fancy up-dos and elven-looking slender crowns just to get it out of her face, so her eyes are clear.
Her eyes look like her laughter sounds, so bright and electric.]
Yikes. [ The delivery is flat. There's a considerate pause, then a shrug. ] Fuck it. That sounds like a challenge. I'm brushing his hair later.
[ This might be the only time this hair gets brushed. Karkat will feel loads better if he can run a finger through without it getting stuck in a tangle. Dave will too, assuming that fits into their strange platonic relationship.
Strange because he's pretty sure the pick ups from Dave don't seem platonic. He's had the feeling. So he's practically an expert of the heart ( ha ), right? He thinks he should know. It's also nearly identical to whatever is going on after the remark about Jade. He would think regular friends don't usually brush eachother's hair. Unless it is a normal behavior and those gay BFF tropes are really on the nose. Seriously doubtful. Was Roxy ever disappointed he never braided her hair?
John did say a Dave dated Jade... ]
Are two moirails common for trolls or does Jade fall under matesprit?
[Wow, a person's brain sure can make noises that aren't possible in airspace.]
What? No! Jade and I are--wow, dude, where did you even get that impression, Jade's like my best girl friend. Two words, a friend who is a girl.
[Aaaaaaaaaaaaa abort abort abort, how does he turn it off? In the background, Wart sighs and rubs the corners of his eyes.]
A-also, it's not like I'm a troll. Except in the usual sense of the word. Human friends can fall asleep in each other's laps, that's totally normal. And cool. And chill.
Well then. Dave's response does get Dirk to visibly emote using Karkat's face. He's now wearing a clear expression of complete confusion. The brows knit together and the lips curve down in a frown. Uh. Did he cross a boundary? Dirk, you fuckhead. This isn't even a lightning round. Dave said he told the appropriate parties about that moirellgence thing with Karkat. This would have been a common knowledge thing if he interpreted right. He did not. Shit.
Okay. Dave had no idea what his emotions were doing. Or Dirk doesn't understand shit. One of those. Possibly both. ]
The associated feelings and impressions for both you were giving off reminded me of my own during my only, I admit, romantic relationship. I just thought since Karkat got you using quadrants, you'd place one of them in another to avoid some kind of platonic cheating? So... [ Yep. He raises his shoulders in a tight uncomfortable shrug and holds it until he's done speaking. ]
I mean in a platonic way! ...Probably? Shit, no, definitely, I mean, I think he was into her for a little but--fuck, I didn't say that! I didn't say anything. You heard nothing, not a thing was conveyed to anybody either verbally or through empathic mind hookups, there was no thing at all to speak of, least of all by me.
[Has Dirk ever seen an animal get its paw stuck in a can or something on the YouTubes? They'll flail uselessly across the house trying to get it off before finally plopping their ass down and going about their business like nobody sees they've got their foot literally still stuck in a can. That's kind of what this is like.
Dave tries to rein his feelings back in. It's kind of useless, they're like spaghetti that went through a topless blender, but he tries. Oh god does he try. In this institution.
After a second, he adds:]
Anyway, Jade already tried the whole Strider Smoochtown rodeo with Davesprite. She's probably allergic now, isn't that how that shit works? Doesn't kick in until you're exposed to the thing.
[ And he thought they had a lot of teen drama. Karkat likes Jade. Karkat and Dave like eachother. Dave likes Jade. He has no idea how Jade feels about Karkat but if she likes him there would be a very simple solution to this problem
Or do people not do that? He doesn't even know. There hadn't been guide to normal relationships in the 25th century that was applicable to the 21st. And look how his last attempt at one turned out. He probably should keep his damn mouth shut about even suggesting something about Dave's before the guy has some kind of conniption. Who does he think he is? He can't impart some wise experienced dating wisdom like the older brother figure in some shitty romantic comedy. He's not even the older one here. ]
I wouldn't know. An alternate version of myself didn't date Jake before me. Perhaps not? That Dave would have different life experience. And bird influence. She might only have only developed an allergy to feathers. You probably wouldn't kiss the same. Similar but not the same.
[Noooohohohooooo. Dave didn't want to think about kissing Jade even if probably it would be kind of nice but she knows not to lick, right, he means her doggy instincts are gone and she'd probably get all into it or maybe she'd be shy and melt a little and HE'S NOT THINKING ABOUT KISSING JADE oh god oh god he is totally thinking about kissing Jade he's thought about kissing Jade since he learned what kissing was and she's pretty and he's always felt special with her and this is Dirk's fucking fault talking about kissing with Karkat's face--
ABANDON SHIP NOW HE'S THINKING ABOUT KISSING KARKAT??? No no no no no no no no but fuck he's so cute and good and lonely and sometimes Dave just wants to SKREEEEEEEEEEEK NOOOOOOOOOOO
He buries his face in Wart's tiny green hands and feels like a goddamn hamster in a wheel, running very fast and getting nowhere.]
Nooooooooooooooooooooo.
[Wait. The wheel stops spinning quite suddenly as Dave's brain-hamster freezes in place.]
[ What did he just trigger? He really shouldn't be privy to any of this. He rubs the back of his neck and turns his eyes off of Dave (Tiny Pokemon) and on to Wart (Dave). Dude. Wart is so lucky he doesn't have fucked up relationships when he wants to mate. ...Or does he? He hadn't considered that. He'll have to research that. Breeders would have that information, yes? A member of Dave's core group surely would have to have the guide on that.
He shouldn't be thinking about researching Pokesex while Dave is beyond confused about who he likes and embarrassed. He doesn't see how this would be that embarrassing either way. Past nonsense, most likely. Ughhhh. Stupid. He should keep his mouth shut. Then again, this is probably shit Dave should deal with at some point instead of torturing himself. He's fucking helping. Maybe he can do that wisdom thing but more as a guide that simply eases Dave into coming to his own rational conclusion and realizing the truth of his emotions with a few well placed questions. Hmmm. ]
Yes. [ What would Jake look like as a grandpa? ...Oh, no. He'd probably still be hot. That's fucked up. Dave, pay no attention to that thought process. ]
[He is scandalized. So scandalized. But he's laughing, too, horrified but genuine groaning mental laughter at the image of his new-brother(??) dipping the fuck out of Jade's taxidermied old man corpse and making smoochie noises.
It's the first time he's allowed himself to call Dirk "Bro," at least out loud. Or. Whatever.
Okay, okay, calm down. He is as chill as a bottle of Evian right out of the mini-freezer. He wipes his eye surreptitiously with the corner of Wart's bandanna.]
So...so is that, like. A thing, for you? Swinging that way, I guess.
[ There's a spike of warm excitement the second "BRO" pops out of Dave's psychic chatter. Score. Bro status achieved.
Dirk thinks this is fucking hilarious. It's pure amusement that only reflects on Dirk's (Karkat's) face as a side-ways smirk at first. Then Dave's laughing and groaning and he can't help the full on grin. The short "Heh." The internal pure joy of the absurdity doesn't get properly displayed. He's overjoyed he got him to crack up. What glorious imagery in Dave's head. He must draw this later. ]
Yup. [ He can appreciate that Dave didn't just ask if he was "hella gay." Nicer phrasing. Smooth. ]
[It's two kinds of weird simultaneously to see Dirk smiling with Karkat's face--one, because like hell does Karkat ever make SMALL expressions with his face, even when he's trying to keep things on the down-low--and two, because he's never seen Bro smile, ever, and...he's curious, for a second, what Dirk really looks like. In his body proper, that is, what his mannerisms would be, if he'd...maybe not be as scary as he'd assumed. But anyway, that's neither here nor there.]
So...huh.
[The thoughts slip into a more sober, more uncertain mode for a moment and what comes up are...puppet butts? Uh, okay. It's only a flash this time before Dave shoves the picture out of his head and puts an effort into brightening up again.]
So this Jake guy does, too, huh? Or, I mean, I guess he could just be helplessly drawn to the sheer animal magnetism of our genes. And by genes I mean glutes.
[ It doesn't last long. It fades back into something neutral again, because he's looking at Wart and Dave's face isn't the one smiling along with him. Reminds him there's someone walking around with his head on their shoulders. But there's a slight lightness to him now, at least. He's not as uncomfortable. Talking with Dave is cathartic, he thinks. Must be a universal constant.
Wait. Was that a foam ass? Maybe he's imagining that himself. He'd question it but Dirk knows better than to go anywhere near puppets around Dave. He'd have to be the one to initiate that conversation. Didn't Dave have a puppet ass as a wristwatch? ]
Not exactly. He would go either way. [ Jake mentioning his love of ladies over and over. Brushing off the obvious Magneto/Xavier thing going on Dirk drops hints at him with in favor of talking about what a gorgeous cerulean goddess that Mystique is. "Hubba hubba", it reads in green. Dirk had a sinking feeling he'll be alone for a while. Then Jake mentions the actor's blue eyes casually and there had been enough hope to not give up on him completely. ]
We do have some fantastic glutes. Let's not rule that out as our main selling point.
[Click. The light bulb switches on, and Dave spins quickly through bright spring green and angry grey and then shoves it all back under the bed, so to speak, of the scattered distraction that is his brain. Nope, not for sharing, not with family, not yet.]
Trolls are like that, too. Most of them don't really care either way, it's not, like, a...category? Orientation's not a thing they think of themselves with, is what I mean. But they still totally have preferences, I have noticed the fuck out of that shit.
[A slightly more distant impression of cool jade--friendly, but not close. A sense of not-his, of connection to lovely purple and light.]
[ Is Dave figuring something out over there? He can't get a read out. He hopes he is. Whatever helps. ]
There wasn't a category in the future either seeing how it was just the two of us. Roxy certainly has no qualms about calling everyone hot. But women don't do it for me. [ He shrugs again, one shouldered this time. Far more casual. It's, you know, whatever. He thinks of pink declarations of love. They should get married. They should do this. The disappointment of letting her down. Roxy takes it in stride. He wonders if they could have that deep platonic love Dave's mixed up in. He's never curled around her with affection. He should. She'd probably love it. Trolls might have a few good ideas.
He doesn't know these colors. He hopes he gets to. Dave has so many friends. He probably would need extra hands to count them all on his fingers. Dirk just needs one. ]
[Oh, huh. Dave holds onto his newfound sexual enlightenment for a moment before letting it go to examine this new thought, this pink and admirable creature.]
That's... [His feelings say something he doesn't quite have a concrete concept for, something feminine and soothing and assured. And good at hugs. Mom, say his feelings, though what comes out is:] Roxy? That's what she's like?
[It tugs at that thread of lilac in him, a thin shell of smooth, forbidding crystal around light and laughter and fierce affection, fierce need. Love, Rose loves so much and she's so clumsy with it like she never is with anything else.]
[ He doesn't know this concept. This warm Mom. It circles back to Roxy, who would play it for Dave but doesn't apply to him. He can't put a word to it. That's fine. It doesn't need a name. ] Yeah. That's it.
[ Dirk doesn't have to verbalize it this time. He's already thinking about her again. That warm light in a world of cold ocean blue that feels close enough to touch despite being miles away. Grabbing her hand in their dreams over and over and over. Fierce need to keep her safe. The strongest connection. Just the two of them versus the world. The others don't understand them. They protect them together. A kiss that's easier to give than he thought. The warm body clinging to his side and it's the first human touch. The most genuine smile in the world. Giggles of pure delight and it's his new favorite sound in the universe. Pink that distracts from the terrible. Breath of air in enough loneliness to drown in.
Just them. Always reaching out to him regardless of where he is. A daily greeting. Being cared for and loved and safe. Selfless Roxy who gives and gives. A smile in a thousand frowns. There's this feeling of profound respect directed at her. Awe. Someone to look up to. So blindly whole and pure. Hold close and never let go. ]
[It's overwhelming, really. That there's someone out there like that, so strong and still warm, so...so good that she makes the world better just by being there. Overwhelming, too, to feel that powerful an outpouring from Dirk, whom Dave's still in the process of untangling from Bro. Bro, who definitely never felt that way about anybody. Or at least never thought that way about him. But Dirk feels like that, and it's not even close to what Dave feels, so different and yet just as terrible as how Dave feels about--]
Oh.
[Brilliance and sarcasm that kindness wore as a disguise, but Rose was all Light, he'd known and not known it and she never seemed to see it. So pompous and self-aggrandizing but it was all an act, she was an awful, goofy little girl and she tried so hard, harder than anybody, loved so painfully and never knew how not to grab it by the thorns.
i dont want you to die, he'd told her, and it was the last thing before they did. He chased after her because she's his sister and it wasn't right, will never be right, for the world to close over her that rare, fragile light in her, how silly and lovely and full of care Rose she really is. And it hurt, it hurt, like needles dragged too hard across a record to see her drown it in shitty booze, to flip her despair turnways so it came out a dizzy giggle, to see her that broken and not know how to help her, to stand there with empty, useless hands because the only way he knew how to say i love you was to die.
And they'd all had enough of death already.
It hurts a little, now, too, echoes of the old pain, to think about Rose missing her mother, missing this warm, wonderful, laughing creature and twisting herself up in knots about it. Dave kind of resented Roxy-Mom for that, for not being there for Rose when Rose needed her (orphans, all of them), but that particularly dumb feeling is gone, and he just feels kind of empty with no one to blame.]
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[Dave glances back at the door, and more leaks out: concern, a tightening of the chest, the memory of Karkat tucked warm and safe under his chin, he can't be crying, protective and belonging-feelings.
He hovers on the verge of running off to look for him, then looks back at Dirk, at the utter oddity of those neutral expressions on Karkat's face. He doesn't think Karkat's ever looked neutral in his life.]
...Are you okay? Waking up all Vantasfied, I mean.
[Hesitance/concern/curiosity again, the worry for Karkat a constant background rhythm, like a pulse, but not the only thing on his mind; an inadvertent little push to see if the door's cracked, if he can really see that this poor guy (brother-notbrother, fucked up like him) is all right, displaced like this.]
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That's not his. That's Dave. The main problem is Dave is going to keep worrying about Karkat. Dave can't be more fucked up about his face than his timeline, right? They should just find wherever Karkat is puppeteering Dirk. ]
Me? [ Is he okay? Something's wrong. This situation is completely beyond his control. He doesn't feel right. He feels splintered off again. Half awake and trying to focus because he left his body elsewhere. He can hear a heart beating in his ears and he knows that's not his own right now. He balls his hands up at his sides. God, he's fucking terrified. ]
Yup. I'm good. I'm feeling pretty short as shit though. How tall is he?
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Anyway.]
I dunno, five-six? Little shorter than Jade.
[A flicker of stars at first spring, lime, and deep loyalty, the forever-ever-ever kind, and it's gone. First things first: Dirk is the one in front of him, and he's kind of freaking out about being in Karkat's body
(haha lol). Dave's got enough worry to go around, he can make sure Dirk's all right before he goes anywhere. He turns a hand palm-out and tries to sound calming.]It's gonna be okay, dude. These things seem to last two or three days tops, and you're welcome to hide out in here with the lights off or whatever until it's over.
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Are you taller than me?
[ They should have Dirk (Karkat wearing Dirk) to stand back to back. That little flicker reminds him of Jake again. And Roxy. Huh.
The comment does little to calm him. It only causes a pang of confusion and increasing worry that this is apparently a frequent enough situation that Dave has an estimated timeframe for it. No control. Just change who they are/look like willy-nilly. Back to the possibility of hearing the eerie cheering of "DIRK DIRK DIRK DIRK." Oh god. ]
Thanks. We should probably find Karkat before I crawl into any sort of hole in here. [ He might not be as inviting. ]
no subject
Time to do what he does best: Pretend everything is chill by throwing words at the world.]
Okay. Yeah, Karkat. Um...you know, even if he says you smell like a butt made out of dumps, you can at LEAST stay in the hotel, right? Come on, Wart.
[Dave opens the door for all of them, feeling oddly balanced even having lost nearly a foot of height. Is that because Wart's a Fighting type? Or a Psychic type? Wart himself definitely looks less comfortable on Dave's stork legs, though maybe he's just not comfortable with, like. Anything. He really wants his Psychic powers back, thanks.
Dave looks back, though, intrigued.]
Am I taller than you? You know, normally. How tall are you?
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That's good to know. [ Is Dave just saying he'll overrule Karkat's vote? That's probably what he's saying here. That's massively appreciated. He wonders if everyone else is in the same hotel.
Dirk follows behind them - adjusting to the balance after a couple of steps. He's not comfortable but he's doing his best to not fall on his face again and it's working. He's also using a hand and combing it through Karkat's unruly hair with his fingers. This is some bedhead. Jesus dick. He's going to at least get this a little neater with the effort. If someone else runs into them he doesn't want to make Karkat look like a mess. ]
Five ten, I think.
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Anyway, he's surprised and a little--juuuust a little--bit pleased.]
Huh. Yeah, I. Guess I'm a little taller than that, now. I hit a growth spurt around my birthday.
[He starts to lead the way to the lobby, but then Wart says "eep!" in Dave's voice and puts a hand in his pocket. He opens the PokéGear, then hands it to Dave so he can reply to Karkat. In the meantime, Wart just tries not to look embarrassed, though he eventually gives up and stuffs his hands in his pockets, blushing faintly.
Dave glances up again, about to say something, then does a double-take. A faint thread of laughter winds its way through his mental voice.]
Are you trying to brush Karkat's hair?
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He missed Dave's birthday. Now he's older and taller. The logical point of his head states that he missed every birthday and feeling like he failed the guy somehow by not celebrating it is stupid. He feels like he let him down somehow. He has to make up for an alternate version of him that never made him boxed lunches. If Jane was here, he'd probably ask her to make a beyond-belated cake. She would call him crazy but do it anyway, he bets.
His eyes stick to Wart while they move. Wow. That's all kinds of weird and adorable seeing Dave's face blush. He only stops when Dave chimes into his thoughts again. He slowly turns his gaze over (down. Dave is so soft right now.) Hd promptly drops his hands to his sides. ]
He really leaves it like this? It's a disaster.
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[There it is again: deep, hard-earned fondness woven over time, dark greys and bright reds and, wow, Dave really wants to hold that guy's hand all the time or something. Those are some very snuggly feelings that may or may not actually be pale.]
It's kind of pointless to try, anyway, it's too thick. Jade's hair is like that too but at least you can tie it up with shit.
[The feel of it in his hands, heavy and dark and coarse, long afternoons spent brushing it out and twisting it gently into braids and fancy up-dos and elven-looking slender crowns just to get it out of her face, so her eyes are clear.
Her eyes look like her laughter sounds, so bright and electric.]
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[ This might be the only time this hair gets brushed. Karkat will feel loads better if he can run a finger through without it getting stuck in a tangle. Dave will too, assuming that fits into their strange platonic relationship.
Strange because he's pretty sure the pick ups from Dave don't seem platonic. He's had the feeling. So he's practically an expert of the heart ( ha ), right? He thinks he should know. It's also nearly identical to whatever is going on after the remark about Jade. He would think regular friends don't usually brush eachother's hair. Unless it is a normal behavior and those gay BFF tropes are really on the nose. Seriously doubtful. Was Roxy ever disappointed he never braided her hair?
John did say a Dave dated Jade... ]
Are two moirails common for trolls or does Jade fall under matesprit?
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[Wow, a person's brain sure can make noises that aren't possible in airspace.]
What? No! Jade and I are--wow, dude, where did you even get that impression, Jade's like my best girl friend. Two words, a friend who is a girl.
[Aaaaaaaaaaaaa abort abort abort, how does he turn it off? In the background, Wart sighs and rubs the corners of his eyes.]
A-also, it's not like I'm a troll. Except in the usual sense of the word. Human friends can fall asleep in each other's laps, that's totally normal. And cool. And chill.
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Well then. Dave's response does get Dirk to visibly emote using Karkat's face. He's now wearing a clear expression of complete confusion. The brows knit together and the lips curve down in a frown. Uh. Did he cross a boundary? Dirk, you fuckhead. This isn't even a lightning round. Dave said he told the appropriate parties about that moirellgence thing with Karkat. This would have been a common knowledge thing if he interpreted right. He did not. Shit.
Okay. Dave had no idea what his emotions were doing. Or Dirk doesn't understand shit. One of those. Possibly both. ]
The associated feelings and impressions for both you were giving off reminded me of my own during my only, I admit, romantic relationship. I just thought since Karkat got you using quadrants, you'd place one of them in another to avoid some kind of platonic cheating? So... [ Yep. He raises his shoulders in a tight uncomfortable shrug and holds it until he's done speaking. ]
Never tried that one. Sounds nice.
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[...]
I mean in a platonic way! ...Probably? Shit, no, definitely, I mean, I think he was into her for a little but--fuck, I didn't say that! I didn't say anything. You heard nothing, not a thing was conveyed to anybody either verbally or through empathic mind hookups, there was no thing at all to speak of, least of all by me.
[Has Dirk ever seen an animal get its paw stuck in a can or something on the YouTubes? They'll flail uselessly across the house trying to get it off before finally plopping their ass down and going about their business like nobody sees they've got their foot literally still stuck in a can. That's kind of what this is like.
Dave tries to rein his feelings back in. It's kind of useless, they're like spaghetti that went through a topless blender, but he tries. Oh god does he try. In this institution.
After a second, he adds:]
Anyway, Jade already tried the whole Strider Smoochtown rodeo with Davesprite. She's probably allergic now, isn't that how that shit works? Doesn't kick in until you're exposed to the thing.
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Or do people not do that? He doesn't even know. There hadn't been guide to normal relationships in the 25th century that was applicable to the 21st. And look how his last attempt at one turned out. He probably should keep his damn mouth shut about even suggesting something about Dave's before the guy has some kind of conniption. Who does he think he is? He can't impart some wise experienced dating wisdom like the older brother figure in some shitty romantic comedy. He's not even the older one here. ]
I wouldn't know. An alternate version of myself didn't date Jake before me. Perhaps not? That Dave would have different life experience. And bird influence. She might only have only developed an allergy to feathers. You probably wouldn't kiss the same. Similar but not the same.
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ABANDON SHIP NOW HE'S THINKING ABOUT KISSING KARKAT??? No no no no no no no no but fuck he's so cute and good and lonely and sometimes Dave just wants to SKREEEEEEEEEEEK NOOOOOOOOOOO
He buries his face in Wart's tiny green hands and feels like a goddamn hamster in a wheel, running very fast and getting nowhere.]
Nooooooooooooooooooooo.
[Wait. The wheel stops spinning quite suddenly as Dave's brain-hamster freezes in place.]
...You dated Jade's grandpa?
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He shouldn't be thinking about researching Pokesex while Dave is beyond confused about who he likes and embarrassed. He doesn't see how this would be that embarrassing either way. Past nonsense, most likely. Ughhhh. Stupid. He should keep his mouth shut. Then again, this is probably shit Dave should deal with at some point instead of torturing himself. He's fucking helping. Maybe he can do that wisdom thing but more as a guide that simply eases Dave into coming to his own rational conclusion and realizing the truth of his emotions with a few well placed questions. Hmmm. ]
Yes. [ What would Jake look like as a grandpa? ...Oh, no. He'd probably still be hot. That's fucked up. Dave, pay no attention to that thought process. ]
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Bro! Bro, no, dude...!
[He is scandalized. So scandalized. But he's laughing, too, horrified but genuine groaning mental laughter at the image of his new-brother(??) dipping the fuck out of Jade's taxidermied old man corpse and making smoochie noises.
It's the first time he's allowed himself to call Dirk "Bro," at least out loud. Or. Whatever.
Okay, okay, calm down. He is as chill as a bottle of Evian right out of the mini-freezer. He wipes his eye surreptitiously with the corner of Wart's bandanna.]
So...so is that, like. A thing, for you? Swinging that way, I guess.
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Dirk thinks this is fucking hilarious. It's pure amusement that only reflects on Dirk's (Karkat's) face as a side-ways smirk at first. Then Dave's laughing and groaning and he can't help the full on grin. The short "Heh." The internal pure joy of the absurdity doesn't get properly displayed. He's overjoyed he got him to crack up. What glorious imagery in Dave's head. He must draw this later. ]
Yup. [ He can appreciate that Dave didn't just ask if he was "hella gay." Nicer phrasing. Smooth. ]
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So...huh.
[The thoughts slip into a more sober, more uncertain mode for a moment and what comes up are...puppet butts? Uh, okay. It's only a flash this time before Dave shoves the picture out of his head and puts an effort into brightening up again.]
So this Jake guy does, too, huh? Or, I mean, I guess he could just be helplessly drawn to the sheer animal magnetism of our genes. And by genes I mean glutes.
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Wait. Was that a foam ass? Maybe he's imagining that himself. He'd question it but Dirk knows better than to go anywhere near puppets around Dave. He'd have to be the one to initiate that conversation. Didn't Dave have a puppet ass as a wristwatch? ]
Not exactly. He would go either way. [ Jake mentioning his love of ladies over and over. Brushing off the obvious Magneto/Xavier thing going on Dirk drops hints at him with in favor of talking about what a gorgeous cerulean goddess that Mystique is. "Hubba hubba", it reads in green. Dirk had a sinking feeling he'll be alone for a while. Then Jake mentions the actor's blue eyes casually and there had been enough hope to not give up on him completely. ]
We do have some fantastic glutes. Let's not rule that out as our main selling point.
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...Ohhhhhh.
[Click. The light bulb switches on, and Dave spins quickly through bright spring green and angry grey and then shoves it all back under the bed, so to speak, of the scattered distraction that is his brain. Nope, not for sharing, not with family, not yet.]
Trolls are like that, too. Most of them don't really care either way, it's not, like, a...category? Orientation's not a thing they think of themselves with, is what I mean. But they still totally have preferences, I have noticed the fuck out of that shit.
[A slightly more distant impression of cool jade--friendly, but not close. A sense of not-his, of connection to lovely purple and light.]
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There wasn't a category in the future either seeing how it was just the two of us. Roxy certainly has no qualms about calling everyone hot. But women don't do it for me. [ He shrugs again, one shouldered this time. Far more casual. It's, you know, whatever. He thinks of pink declarations of love. They should get married. They should do this. The disappointment of letting her down. Roxy takes it in stride. He wonders if they could have that deep platonic love Dave's mixed up in. He's never curled around her with affection. He should. She'd probably love it. Trolls might have a few good ideas.
He doesn't know these colors. He hopes he gets to. Dave has so many friends. He probably would need extra hands to count them all on his fingers. Dirk just needs one. ]
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That's... [His feelings say something he doesn't quite have a concrete concept for, something feminine and soothing and assured. And good at hugs. Mom, say his feelings, though what comes out is:] Roxy? That's what she's like?
[It tugs at that thread of lilac in him, a thin shell of smooth, forbidding crystal around light and laughter and fierce affection, fierce need. Love, Rose loves so much and she's so clumsy with it like she never is with anything else.]
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[ Dirk doesn't have to verbalize it this time. He's already thinking about her again. That warm light in a world of cold ocean blue that feels close enough to touch despite being miles away. Grabbing her hand in their dreams over and over and over. Fierce need to keep her safe. The strongest connection. Just the two of them versus the world. The others don't understand them. They protect them together. A kiss that's easier to give than he thought. The warm body clinging to his side and it's the first human touch. The most genuine smile in the world. Giggles of pure delight and it's his new favorite sound in the universe. Pink that distracts from the terrible. Breath of air in enough loneliness to drown in.
Just them. Always reaching out to him regardless of where he is. A daily greeting. Being cared for and loved and safe. Selfless Roxy who gives and gives. A smile in a thousand frowns. There's this feeling of profound respect directed at her. Awe. Someone to look up to. So blindly whole and pure. Hold close and never let go. ]
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Oh.
[Brilliance and sarcasm that kindness wore as a disguise, but Rose was all Light, he'd known and not known it and she never seemed to see it. So pompous and self-aggrandizing but it was all an act, she was an awful, goofy little girl and she tried so hard, harder than anybody, loved so painfully and never knew how not to grab it by the thorns.
i dont want you to die, he'd told her, and it was the last thing before they did. He chased after her because she's his sister and it wasn't right, will never be right, for the world to close over her that rare, fragile light in her, how silly and lovely and full of care Rose she really is. And it hurt, it hurt, like needles dragged too hard across a record to see her drown it in shitty booze, to flip her despair turnways so it came out a dizzy giggle, to see her that broken and not know how to help her, to stand there with empty, useless hands because the only way he knew how to say i love you was to die.
And they'd all had enough of death already.
It hurts a little, now, too, echoes of the old pain, to think about Rose missing her mother, missing this warm, wonderful, laughing creature and twisting herself up in knots about it. Dave kind of resented Roxy-Mom for that, for not being there for Rose when Rose needed her (orphans, all of them), but that particularly dumb feeling is gone, and he just feels kind of empty with no one to blame.]
...Rose really loved her, you know.
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