[Not that Dave would've really registered being forced to listen to the acknowledgements, but he shooshes anyway. He spends the first few minutes only half-tuned in, eyes closed under the covers, more aware of the sound of Karkat's voice in his own chest than of the actual words he's saying. It vibrates differently against his ear than in the air, and it's nice.
He only starts paying attention when chapter one begins, and the description gives him pause, for a moment. Kinky, he almost says, but he vaguely remembers they're talking about slaves anyway so probably this is just part of the story and he doesn't really want to prod Karkat into an argument, he just wants to listen. So Dave listens, ignoring the hints here and there that ping him weirdly until the snotty blond prince gets all "Restrain him here in the harem" and Dave either has to snort or die on the spot.]
That sounds like a spectacularly shitty idea, man. He's gonna get all sorts of the wrong idea. Those messages are gonna be mixed to hell and not in a sweet jams gift tape way.
[Dave's not saying anything, but, like. Karkat. Bro.
Is he aware he's reading his moirail gay noncon bondage Greek history smut fanfic.
Because Dave's pretty sure Karkat's reading him gay noncon bondage Greek history smut fanfic.]
[By this stage, Dave isn't the only one with reservations, even if Karkat's are somewhat more difficult to put into words. The trouble is that by troll standards there's nothing wrong with the story at all; keeping people as slaves for any purpose is ludicrously commonplace and, as one might expect, a fairly common trope in certain types of literature (i.e., trashy romance, a.k.a. Karkat's grubloaf and tuberpaste, q.e.d.). From that perspective, of course memorizing the texture of Dave's hair and enjoying the relative quiet of the moment, the closeness, takes up far more of Karkat's attention. Between that and regulating his voice to something not shout-volume because even he can recognize when that might ruin a moment, yes, fine, even an undisputed authority on all things romance like Karkat can miss a few hints. A few.
It's a lot harder to ignore the potential awkwardness of reading what he's reading when Dave interjects with a comment like that, and after a too-long pause where Karkat does nothing more than stare at the last few lines and wonder what the fuck his moirail is talking about, he blanches, whips the book shut, and flips it over to inspect the summary written on the back. "Damen is a warrior hero who blah blah brother seizes power blah blah sent to serve the prince of an enemy nation as a" oh motherfucking hell.
Groaning, Karkat reopens the book to the page they'd left off, slaps the whole thing over his face, and slumps in place as much as physically possible for someone who's already lying down. How the fuck had he not. ARGH. Is he fucking braindead??]
Dave, if you pity me you'll agree right now that that didn't just fucking happen.
[The words are muffled but still intelligible, and if it weren't for how much it would probably hurt his cartilage nub, Karkat would probably follow them up with a facepalm x2 combob and then maybe defenestrate himself. Because.]
[Dave shifts under the covers so he can rest his chin instead of his ear on Karkat's chest, one arm slung around him, the rest of his body kind of at a diagonal across the bed so he's not twisting his neck weird.]
What didn't happen? We weren't doing shit. All I remember's being all cuddled up here discussing the fact that I can rec you plenty more works in that genre written way better than that one. 'Cause, you know. I work in a bookstore. I see the staff picks.
[And he's been supplying Penny with age-appropriate and educational literature for months, now. His recommendations may tend more towards ladies-on-ladies adventures than anything else, but it's not like Karkat will care, right? Dave doesn't even understand why trolls even have a sex binary, it's not like they use it for anything but telling people not to play games for girls.
He's almost content to let it stay there, but then a series of quick little breaths, like a burst of near-soundless machine gun fire, escapes his nose. Dave buries his face in Karkat's shirt but he's grinning, and--oh. Oh, he's laughing.]
"Pellucid blue eyes." Who fucking wrote this garbage, are they serious. I'd almost believe it was Rose except there's not enough goddamn beard-fondling or wrinkled assholes in dresses. Let me see that.
[He reaches up through his breathing hole and makes a grabby hand.]
[Oh fuck no. Karkat may not be fast or even very coordinated, but with Captive Prinplup already on his face and Dave in a significantly disadvantaged position, he just barely manages to swipe the book away in time and hold it just out of reach. Uh, for now. Dave's arms are still longer than his, but he's starting to sit up a little to try and compensate.]
This series was highly recommended! Shut the fuck up, Dave, it wasn't that bad.
[Except for the part where it's really not the kind of thing he'd read to Dave and especially not when his feelings for him are—it's just not something to read to Dave, okay?
His face is as red as it gets, at any rate, and he may just be contemplating hurling the offending book across the room if it weren't for the fact that he still wants to read it. Now that he knows exactly which book Wart had had picked for him, he's remembering how much blackrom potential he'd envisioned the first time he'd heard about it. It's written by a human, which probably means he's doomed for disappointment, but it's still his book, goddammit. End of literal story.]
Why were you looking at staff picks for romance?
[When in doubt, change the subject. Also, no he is not differentiating genre much besides romance and, uh, something about the rating. Because. He's seven sweeps old, this is normal.]
[Foiled, Dave just lets his arm flop back down across Karkat's shoulder and turns his face cheek-side to soft pajamas again. He is boneless as a fish fillet and feeling a lot better, if still painfully embarrassed and kind of brain-muzzy. Anyway, moving is stupid. Getting up is not a thing either of them should do, ever, obviously. He's not uncomfortable enough to remove himself from the space heater that is Karkat.]
Morbid curiosity, obviously. When do I ever pass up an opportunity to annihilate my own brain cells with the hottest new sewage, do you even know me.
[He taps one finger against the sheets for a second, then adds in a mumble:]
Also, I've been trying to help Penny with. Things. That's strictly off the record, though, okay.
[He trusts Karkat, of course, but he doesn't want to spread his friends' personal shit all over the goddamn place (except, of course, when it's hilarious, but this is not the case). But Dave would be flabbergasted if Karkat hasn't seen what's going on with D.J. Single Cent and her best friend, anyway. Completely gobsmacked.]
[Karkat is distracted and therefore not entirely up to speed, but with the game of keep away concluded already, he relaxes enough to focus on the conversation. Helping Penny with... ah.]
Things. Romance? Dave, are you—
[Snrrk, wait, hahaha oh god is he serious. Karkat is trying not to laugh, really he is, but a snicker escapes him anyway because holy fucking shit, Dave helping someone with their romantic troubles? As for Penny, well... yeah, it's kind of obvious what's going on there.]
Dave. Bro. Are you sure you got this? Because, okay, it's one quadrant, but human romance is still pretty fucking complicated.
[And Penny's... he's not sure, exactly, but he knows enough to worry.]
[Time to reach up again and push with embarrassed grumpiness on Karkat's face. Congratulations, Karkat, you are pale-dating an actual human feline.]
Um, fuck you kindly, dude, I know how human romance is supposed to work. [In a lower mutter:] Just 'cause I never dated a human...
[Grumbling, he puts his head back down on Karkat's chest and sighs.]
Look, she's just, like, sheltered to a stupid degree, okay? When we first talked about it, she didn't even know that that was a thing. I mean, girls being attracted to other girls. Nobody ever told her. So I can at least address the fucking basics, like, you know, that kind of shit being okay and probably wonderful, I don't know, I'm not a girl who's attracted to other girls, it's a little outside my realm of experience.
[But someone's gotta be Rose around here, and he's genetically the closest thing they've got.
Besides, he may not be a girl attracted to other girls, but...well, anyway.]
And it's not some huge travail for me to glance through the gay YA shelf to find books that don't paint same-sex romance as some kind of, I dunno, end of the world huge deal, I guess. I'm just making sure she doesn't run into discouraging shit, I'm not priming her to be sassy girl teen human Casanova or anything. I can handle that much.
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He only starts paying attention when chapter one begins, and the description gives him pause, for a moment. Kinky, he almost says, but he vaguely remembers they're talking about slaves anyway so probably this is just part of the story and he doesn't really want to prod Karkat into an argument, he just wants to listen. So Dave listens, ignoring the hints here and there that ping him weirdly until the snotty blond prince gets all "Restrain him here in the harem" and Dave either has to snort or die on the spot.]
That sounds like a spectacularly shitty idea, man. He's gonna get all sorts of the wrong idea. Those messages are gonna be mixed to hell and not in a sweet jams gift tape way.
[Dave's not saying anything, but, like. Karkat. Bro.
Is he aware he's reading his moirail gay noncon bondage Greek history smut fanfic.
Because Dave's pretty sure Karkat's reading him gay noncon bondage Greek history smut fanfic.]
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It's a lot harder to ignore the potential awkwardness of reading what he's reading when Dave interjects with a comment like that, and after a too-long pause where Karkat does nothing more than stare at the last few lines and wonder what the fuck his moirail is talking about, he blanches, whips the book shut, and flips it over to inspect the summary written on the back. "Damen is a warrior hero who blah blah brother seizes power blah blah sent to serve the prince of an enemy nation as a" oh motherfucking hell.
Groaning, Karkat reopens the book to the page they'd left off, slaps the whole thing over his face, and slumps in place as much as physically possible for someone who's already lying down. How the fuck had he not. ARGH. Is he fucking braindead??]
Dave, if you pity me you'll agree right now that that didn't just fucking happen.
[The words are muffled but still intelligible, and if it weren't for how much it would probably hurt his cartilage nub, Karkat would probably follow them up with a facepalm x2 combob and then maybe defenestrate himself. Because.]
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What didn't happen? We weren't doing shit. All I remember's being all cuddled up here discussing the fact that I can rec you plenty more works in that genre written way better than that one. 'Cause, you know. I work in a bookstore. I see the staff picks.
[And he's been supplying Penny with age-appropriate and educational literature for months, now. His recommendations may tend more towards ladies-on-ladies adventures than anything else, but it's not like Karkat will care, right? Dave doesn't even understand why trolls even have a sex binary, it's not like they use it for anything but telling people not to play games for girls.
He's almost content to let it stay there, but then a series of quick little breaths, like a burst of near-soundless machine gun fire, escapes his nose. Dave buries his face in Karkat's shirt but he's grinning, and--oh. Oh, he's laughing.]
"Pellucid blue eyes." Who fucking wrote this garbage, are they serious. I'd almost believe it was Rose except there's not enough goddamn beard-fondling or wrinkled assholes in dresses. Let me see that.
[He reaches up through his breathing hole and makes a grabby hand.]
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This series was highly recommended! Shut the fuck up, Dave, it wasn't that bad.
[Except for the part where it's really not the kind of thing he'd read to Dave and especially not when his feelings for him are—it's just not something to read to Dave, okay?
His face is as red as it gets, at any rate, and he may just be contemplating hurling the offending book across the room if it weren't for the fact that he still wants to read it. Now that he knows exactly which book Wart had had picked for him, he's remembering how much blackrom potential he'd envisioned the first time he'd heard about it. It's written by a human, which probably means he's doomed for disappointment, but it's still his book, goddammit. End of literal story.]
Why were you looking at staff picks for romance?
[When in doubt, change the subject. Also, no he is not differentiating genre much besides romance and, uh, something about the rating. Because. He's seven sweeps old, this is normal.]
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[Foiled, Dave just lets his arm flop back down across Karkat's shoulder and turns his face cheek-side to soft pajamas again. He is boneless as a fish fillet and feeling a lot better, if still painfully embarrassed and kind of brain-muzzy. Anyway, moving is stupid. Getting up is not a thing either of them should do, ever, obviously. He's not uncomfortable enough to remove himself from the space heater that is Karkat.]
Morbid curiosity, obviously. When do I ever pass up an opportunity to annihilate my own brain cells with the hottest new sewage, do you even know me.
[He taps one finger against the sheets for a second, then adds in a mumble:]
Also, I've been trying to help Penny with. Things. That's strictly off the record, though, okay.
[He trusts Karkat, of course, but he doesn't want to spread his friends' personal shit all over the goddamn place (except, of course, when it's hilarious, but this is not the case). But Dave would be flabbergasted if Karkat hasn't seen what's going on with D.J. Single Cent and her best friend, anyway. Completely gobsmacked.]
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[Karkat is distracted and therefore not entirely up to speed, but with the game of keep away concluded already, he relaxes enough to focus on the conversation. Helping Penny with... ah.]
Things. Romance? Dave, are you—
[Snrrk, wait, hahaha oh god is he serious. Karkat is trying not to laugh, really he is, but a snicker escapes him anyway because holy fucking shit, Dave helping someone with their romantic troubles? As for Penny, well... yeah, it's kind of obvious what's going on there.]
Dave. Bro. Are you sure you got this? Because, okay, it's one quadrant, but human romance is still pretty fucking complicated.
[And Penny's... he's not sure, exactly, but he knows enough to worry.]
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Um, fuck you kindly, dude, I know how human romance is supposed to work. [In a lower mutter:] Just 'cause I never dated a human...
[Grumbling, he puts his head back down on Karkat's chest and sighs.]
Look, she's just, like, sheltered to a stupid degree, okay? When we first talked about it, she didn't even know that that was a thing. I mean, girls being attracted to other girls. Nobody ever told her. So I can at least address the fucking basics, like, you know, that kind of shit being okay and probably wonderful, I don't know, I'm not a girl who's attracted to other girls, it's a little outside my realm of experience.
[But someone's gotta be Rose around here, and he's genetically the closest thing they've got.
Besides, he may not be a girl attracted to other girls, but...well, anyway.]
And it's not some huge travail for me to glance through the gay YA shelf to find books that don't paint same-sex romance as some kind of, I dunno, end of the world huge deal, I guess. I'm just making sure she doesn't run into discouraging shit, I'm not priming her to be sassy girl teen human Casanova or anything. I can handle that much.