ok i see so really theyre a really important friend
i understand
its like theres a hole where part of your life should be and even though theyre sharp and bright and tough as anything you worry about them because you know they need you too right
[There's a clenched, tight feeling where their SOUL should be. An ache, a horrible pain that curls in upon itself and leaves Frisk cold and shivering. Strange, how much seeing someone else put it into words makes it feel even more real.]
yeah wer supposed to be its supposed to be us together always we take care of eachother or i tried to help them too
i dont know i dont know if theyre even still anywhere without me they werent awake before i fell and they couldnt go anywhere but with me we im scared what if theyre gone forever i cant i dont know what to do if theyre gone
i frisk theres nothing we can do to find out whats going on with the people we left behind if theyre ok or theres the people who come in from later or a better timeline or have "gone" and come back and i mean their reassurances are great and all but its so hard to believe right not without seeing it for ourselves so i dont think theres anything i can say to magically make either of us not afraid anymore except
sometimes i just imagine shes here imagine all the things i could catch her up on if she were what pokemon shed like how she could be happier
smart shes the smartest person i know she lords it over people sometimes but thats just her thing like mines being cool and unaffected its how we do people like me and her shes really sweet though as much as she pretends to be kind of machiavellian and calculating shed do pretty much anything for the people she cares about and if she couldnt do things for them it hurt her it hurt her a lot and none of us ever really knew how to help
anything purple and or with tentacles especially if it would ebony darkness dementia raven way nightmares for a solid decade also cats what about your friend
all the sharp ones i know theres some bugs that have knifes on their hands and the plant ones too maybe? they wouldn't catch those though theyd get all really strong ones i know theyd like battling a lot they wanted to fight all the time even for dumb stuff
maybe they dont really like humans i think im the only one theyre okay with theyre mad at a lot of monsters too not the same way but theyre really grumpy :( it was a lot of resets before they really liked me either but i kept i know why they didnt like me i dont think they really forgave me for it
[Dave gives that the pause it deserves, going over the words until they really mean something, until they accumulate a fraction of the weight they must hold for Frisk.
Dave's killed lots of monsters.
He's never killed something who took a name for him.]
[Scared. Ha ha. The human, the Anomaly, scared of a monster. When just a child could defeat even their greatest warriors, what threat could they even be, really?]
she was too she was trying to keep me safe i can come back i should have i should have tried harder but i just kept going anyway and i kept getting more love and i i stopped caring it was just easier
[They remember the numb feeling washing through their mind with each kill. More distance, more strength. Easier to make the next kill, to take a life and move on like it was nothing. Like it's just a game.]
the stuff we do when were put into extraordinary situations terrifying and dangerous and sometimes when our lifes on the line i mean none of that is going to go away but its not the whole of who you are youre a good person and you dont want to hurt anyone and you dont have to make excuses for anyone else either you already do so much to protect them now surviving back then wasnt and isnt wrong
but i dont die i never die it always goes back even when i tried to it i always go back nothing can stop it i should have kept trying from the beginning i should have tried to save everyone
[It feels like spitting in Dave's face. They know he's just trying to help, that he wants to protect them, but...he didn't see. He only knows the mask they wear now, and he thinks it's who they are. He never saw the selfish thing that lies underneath.]
im letting this go for now but you should think about it ok? maybe even ask other people you can do it anonymously if you need to ive learned a lot myself that way
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no subject
so really
theyre a really important friend
i understand
its like theres a hole where part of your life should be
and even though theyre sharp and bright and tough as anything you worry about them because you know
they need you too
right
no subject
yeah
wer supposed to be
its supposed to be us together
always
we take care of eachother
or i tried to help them too
i dont know
i dont know if theyre even still anywhere
without me
they werent awake before i fell
and they couldnt go anywhere but with me
we
im scared
what if theyre gone forever
i cant
i dont know what to do if theyre gone
no subject
frisk
theres nothing we can do to find out whats going on with the people we left behind
if theyre ok or
theres the people who come in from later or a better timeline or have "gone" and come back and i mean their reassurances are great and all
but its so hard to believe right
not without seeing it for ourselves
so i dont think theres anything i can say to magically make either of us not afraid anymore except
sometimes i just
imagine shes here
imagine all the things i could catch her up on if she were
what pokemon shed like
how
she could be happier
it could help
no subject
im sorry dave
whats she like?
no subject
shes the smartest person i know
she lords it over people sometimes but thats just her thing like mines being cool and unaffected
its how we do
people like me and her
shes really sweet though as much as she pretends to be kind of machiavellian and calculating shed do pretty much anything for the people she cares about
and if she couldnt do things for them
it hurt her
it hurt her a lot and none of us ever really knew how to help
her names rose
no subject
shes a hero too right?
like you are at home?
what kind of pokemon would she get?
no subject
and or with tentacles
especially if it would ebony darkness dementia raven way nightmares for a solid decade
also cats
what about your friend
no subject
i know theres some bugs that have knifes on their hands
and the plant ones too maybe?
they wouldn't catch those though
theyd get all really strong ones
i know theyd like battling a lot
they wanted to fight all the time even for dumb stuff
no subject
but man she loved winning
maybe theyd get along
her and your friend
no subject
they dont really like humans
i think im the only one theyre okay with
theyre mad at a lot of monsters too
not the same way but
theyre really grumpy :(
it was a lot of resets before they really liked me either
but i kept
i know why they didnt like me
i dont think they really forgave me for it
no subject
do you want to talk about it?
no subject
i killed monsters
a lot of times
i killed mom
no subject
Dave's killed lots of monsters.
He's never killed something who took a name for him.]
you were scared
[Not a question.
Not an excuse, either.]
no subject
she was too
she was trying to keep me safe
i can come back i should have
i should have tried harder
but i just kept going anyway
and i kept getting more love and i
i stopped caring
it was just easier
[They remember the numb feeling washing through their mind with each kill. More distance, more strength. Easier to make the next kill, to take a life and move on like it was nothing. Like it's just a game.]
and they had to watch me do it
no subject
im so sorry
you shouldnt have had to go through something like that
or had to make those choices
you or your friend or your family
thats
egregiously fucked up
frisk
i need you to listen to me though
no subject
they
the monsters needed souls
and humans already took the king and queens children from them
everyone was hurting
what is it?
no subject
terrifying and dangerous and sometimes when our lifes on the line
i mean none of that is going to go away
but
its not the whole of who you are
youre a good person and you dont want to hurt anyone and you dont have to make excuses for anyone else either
you already do so much to protect them now
surviving back then wasnt and isnt wrong
no subject
i never die it always goes back
even when i tried to it
i always go back
nothing can stop it
i should have kept trying from the beginning
i should have tried to save everyone
[It feels like spitting in Dave's face. They know he's just trying to help, that he wants to protect them, but...he didn't see. He only knows the mask they wear now, and he thinks it's who they are. He never saw the selfish thing that lies underneath.]
no subject
why does that make it entirely your problem?
no subject
its my responsibility
no subject
should get to be the ones protected once in a while
no subject
[It's a few minutes before Frisk responds.]
its okay
i can handle it
you dont have to worry
no subject
im letting this go for now
but you should think about it ok?
maybe even ask other people
you can do it anonymously if you need to
ive learned a lot myself that way
no subject
maybe
youre a really good friend dave
thank you
no subject
i mean it