callbacks | 2 ∅ [Video]

[Whoa, what's this? A video post from our resident red-texter? The young man in the feed doesn't have much of a facial expression behind his shades, but he seems pleasantly keyed-up somehow, anyway--maybe it's something in the way he bounces as he flops into his chair.]

I was going to ask if there's some kind of survivalist secret Santa for birthdays around here, or if a Pokémon takes care of it. Like, maybe there's just a widespread anonymous cultural practice of delivering rope and hardtack to someone's door on the anniversary of their exiting utero.

[The corner of his mouth slides up a bit.]

But then I discovered the most important item I've yet received here in Pokéworld. Ladies and gentlemen...

[He turns the camera to reveal a Ralts in a scarf probably twice as long as it is tall. It's holding what looks like the kind of cheap wind-up Electabuzz toy you'd find at the bottom of a child's fast food box.]

The Happiny Meal^TM toy.

[Dave is so stoked. The Ralts, more bemused than anything else, winds it up and seems surprised when it rattles across the desk. It crouches to watch the toy more closely as Dave pulls the view back to himself, still practically bursting (you know, for him) with ironic amusement.]

Anyway, since I've got all this kit now, does anyone in the Violet City neck of the woods want to go check out those ruins? I know it's basically freezing and all, but they're not supposed to be too far out, and. [He shrugs.] They sound all right.

[Meaning he really, really wants to go see them, and it is his birthday.]

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Oh yeah? You'll hafta tell me when it hatches! I bet Inferno and Turkey would love to get to see what their baby looks like.

[He pauses for a moment then, tilting his head a little.]

I remembered to send you a list of what its egg moves will be, didn't I?

[...DID HE, HE'S NOT A BREEDER DAVE...]

I, uh. Don't. Know?

[He doesn't remember getting one, but then, you know. This is Dave.]

If you did, I'm sure I got it somewhere. Maybe.

Don't worry, I gotcha. I'll send it to you again, just in case. That little guy is gonna hatch with a bunch of moves it wouldn't have just started with normally, so it'll be pretty strong! ...well, stronger.

Ohh, yeah, someone was telling me about that. That's still pretty cool. Like, I'm pretty sure that's not how genetics worked back where I'm from, but I was only ever the attractive blond lab assistant, not the ectobiologist-at-large.

Yeah, it can be kindof confusing. I mean, I'm not really a breeder or anything, and I've only done it like...okay, one time was an accident, the other I meant to, so...

But yeah, you can get real crazy with some of the egg moves you can give Pokemon! Like giving a Jigglypuff flamethrower, or something.

I don't know from Jigglypuff, but that already sounds fucking incredible. I'm imagining some kind of wobbling, aerated pudding somehow armed with a big-ass flame gun, by the way, don't ruin this for me.

[Jimmy can't help but snicker at that, nodding.]

My lips are sealed! I actually had one, before she evolved. She's deadly.

So is she, like, two giant puddings now stacked on top of each other with limpid Jell-O cup eyes?

Totally!

[She's...sortof pudding shaped...?]

Just imagine that with a pair of ears and you've got it.

So, like--hold on.

[Dave picks up his 'Gear and takes out the stylus for a second, navigating away from the PokéConnect function for a moment. It's not too long before this, though:

ohgodwhat.jpg]

Yeah?

Edited (Wait I forgot the PokeGears have a drawing function) 2015-12-09 18:54 (UTC)

Sweet corn, that's cool!

[Uh. And by that, he means-]

Yup, you got it! Better than the real thing, I'd say.

Hey, don't let her hear you say that. Pokémon are people, too. When they're not being pudding, anyway. ...Actually.

[...

He lowers his voice.]

Okay, I kind of always wondered about this, but like. Are Pokémon...edible? Do people eat them. Are we eating them, is what I'm asking, I guess.

[...]

Yaknow, I actually...don't really know? I've never really asked, but...maybe?

[Honestly, they probably are edible, and if Dave asks, he might not get a straight answer.]

...

Okay, I never really considered going meatless ever before in my life--and this stays between you and me, bro, I have a red-blooded Texan reputation to maintain--but I think quarter-pounders have just been lost to me forever.

That's okay man, I don't blame you. I mean...the way things work around here normally is pretty weird, so I really couldn't tell you with confidence what we're eating. And not knowing kinda makes you assume the worst, doesn't it?

[...]

But I'm sure it's not all that big'a deal to worry about! I just haven't really thought about it much, I guess.

I'll eat a lot of things--fuck knows I've eaten some nasty-ass shit in my time--but I draw the line at stuff that talks. Or practically talks. I haven't spent enough time with trolls for that.

Honestly? I kinda wonder if it's not like...some sort of processed, fakey meat stuff or something. Like some sort of vegetarian thing.

...

I'm trying to figure out if that's grosser or not than eating sentient beef.

[Jimmy just shrugs.]

Don't knock it till you try it, I guess!

Maybe I'll just eat microwave burritos for the rest of my life. I know there's nothing real in microwave burritos. My shit would be safe. So safe.

Would that be more or less gross than veggie burgers, though?

Oh, no, it's not the processing I find unpalatable. Shoving unpronounceable chemical waste down my maw is the Strider way. The turn-off word in 'veggie burgers' is veggie.

Can't argue with that!

[HE LIKES YOUR STYLE, STRIDER.]

2 ∅ [Video]

[Video] that icon is so cute what the heck

[Video] He's being a total asshole in the conversation depicted too

[Video] god bless

[Video] Dave Strider at 13 was an experience let me tell you

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