callbacks: T1MCO (i am the star)
[Whoa, what's this? A video post from our resident red-texter? The young man in the feed doesn't have much of a facial expression behind his shades, but he seems pleasantly keyed-up somehow, anyway--maybe it's something in the way he bounces as he flops into his chair.]

I was going to ask if there's some kind of survivalist secret Santa for birthdays around here, or if a Pokémon takes care of it. Like, maybe there's just a widespread anonymous cultural practice of delivering rope and hardtack to someone's door on the anniversary of their exiting utero.

[The corner of his mouth slides up a bit.]

But then I discovered the most important item I've yet received here in Pokéworld. Ladies and gentlemen...

[He turns the camera to reveal a Ralts in a scarf probably twice as long as it is tall. It's holding what looks like the kind of cheap wind-up Electabuzz toy you'd find at the bottom of a child's fast food box.]

The Happiny MealTM toy.

[Dave is so stoked. The Ralts, more bemused than anything else, winds it up and seems surprised when it rattles across the desk. It crouches to watch the toy more closely as Dave pulls the view back to himself, still practically bursting (you know, for him) with ironic amusement.]

Anyway, since I've got all this kit now, does anyone in the Violet City neck of the woods want to go check out those ruins? I know it's basically freezing and all, but they're not supposed to be too far out, and. [He shrugs.] They sound all right.

[Meaning he really, really wants to go see them, and it is his birthday.]
callbacks: KEESME (i cant see)
you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not


[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

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callbacks: (Default)
dave mamahecking strider

October 2020

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