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2 ∅ [Video]
[Whoa, what's this? A video post from our resident red-texter? The young man in the feed doesn't have much of a facial expression behind his shades, but he seems pleasantly keyed-up somehow, anyway--maybe it's something in the way he bounces as he flops into his chair.]
I was going to ask if there's some kind of survivalist secret Santa for birthdays around here, or if a Pokémon takes care of it. Like, maybe there's just a widespread anonymous cultural practice of delivering rope and hardtack to someone's door on the anniversary of their exiting utero.
[The corner of his mouth slides up a bit.]
But then I discovered the most important item I've yet received here in Pokéworld. Ladies and gentlemen...
[He turns the camera to reveal a Ralts in a scarf probably twice as long as it is tall. It's holding what looks like the kind of cheap wind-up Electabuzz toy you'd find at the bottom of a child's fast food box.]
The Happiny MealTM toy.
[Dave is so stoked. The Ralts, more bemused than anything else, winds it up and seems surprised when it rattles across the desk. It crouches to watch the toy more closely as Dave pulls the view back to himself, still practically bursting (you know, for him) with ironic amusement.]
Anyway, since I've got all this kit now, does anyone in the Violet City neck of the woods want to go check out those ruins? I know it's basically freezing and all, but they're not supposed to be too far out, and. [He shrugs.] They sound all right.
[Meaning he really, really wants to go see them, and it is his birthday.]
I was going to ask if there's some kind of survivalist secret Santa for birthdays around here, or if a Pokémon takes care of it. Like, maybe there's just a widespread anonymous cultural practice of delivering rope and hardtack to someone's door on the anniversary of their exiting utero.
[The corner of his mouth slides up a bit.]
But then I discovered the most important item I've yet received here in Pokéworld. Ladies and gentlemen...
[He turns the camera to reveal a Ralts in a scarf probably twice as long as it is tall. It's holding what looks like the kind of cheap wind-up Electabuzz toy you'd find at the bottom of a child's fast food box.]
The Happiny MealTM toy.
[Dave is so stoked. The Ralts, more bemused than anything else, winds it up and seems surprised when it rattles across the desk. It crouches to watch the toy more closely as Dave pulls the view back to himself, still practically bursting (you know, for him) with ironic amusement.]
Anyway, since I've got all this kit now, does anyone in the Violet City neck of the woods want to go check out those ruins? I know it's basically freezing and all, but they're not supposed to be too far out, and. [He shrugs.] They sound all right.
[Meaning he really, really wants to go see them, and it is his birthday.]
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...So, try me.
[Turning chickens into cows would fit right into Homestuck, broseph.]
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Like space meteors if clearly code for...not actual space meteors, right?]
As if I, Gundam Tanaka, a cursed unearthly being would fall for such bait. As I said, to speak of them could be disastrous and despite my dark nature, I have no desire to see this world plagued by such forces.
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What, come on, dude, I just bared my whole Kryptonian origin story, you can't drop shit like unearthly curses and unspeakable horrorterrors without throwing me at least half a bone. Not even a moment of oblique foreshadowing? Bro.
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[It's also completely made up.]
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I kind of wish my sister were here. I bet you two'd get on like purple on prose.
[Rose would take Gundam a p a r t. He'd be her own birthday present.]
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[He does not?? Remember what the fuck Rose's shit was about???? It had a lot of beards, that's about all the recall he can muster.]
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[As a case study.]