4 ∅ [Video]

[callbacks]

[The video starts on an unsure-looking Kirlia. He starts to edge away, but Dave--apparently behind the camera--speaks.]

Naw, go ahead, dude. C'mon. Don't be shy.

[The Kirlia sighs, extremely put upon, and then ballet-toes back into place. There's a Dawn Stone on the floor nearby; the Kirlia bends primly at the waist to pick it up, and:

Presto.

Wart the Gallade examines his arm-blades for a moment, then shoots Dave a look as if to say, "If we're quite done now." Dave chuckles quietly.]

Yeah, yeah, thanks for humoring me, bro. The moment has been secured for posterity. Duty discharged. [The relief on the Gallade's face is palpable before Dave turns the camera towards his own movie star mug. Hello, Johto.]

So, hey. I get that baby's first evolution is probably ancient headwear for most of you, but he's the first guy I got all the way to his final form. That's worth some kind of jokey home video.

[Yeah, because he's obviously being ironic about this. He's not Proud Dadding all over his starter, no sirree.]

Anyway, I've been hearing about a bunch of different evolutionary paths our Poképals can take, and, I dunno. I'm curious, I guess. If you ever made a choice like that, what made you pick one way or the other?

Comments

[callbacks]

Holy shit.

[Dave's eyebrows shoot up over the tops of his shades. He is impressed. That is a whole lot of scaly sea serpent at once, Jesus Christ. And of course Anna just rolls with it like he's the cutest little thing.]

That grew up out of a fish?

[loveisanopendoor]

[ THAT'S BECAUSE HE IS THE CUTEST LITTLE THING, GOSH ]

Not just any fish, the tiniest little fish! The poor guy couldn't even swim when I first found him, but I had to have him! And I had no idea he'd turn into something like this, but that just made it crazy when it happened! Like, isn't he awesome?!

[ Seriously, this Gyarados is her baby, despite how massive it is. ]

I have a lot of Dragons and big, huge strong Pokemon, but Gyarados is very special!

[callbacks]

Girl, he is off the walls batshit nuts is what he is. There ain't a number for how much ass he kicks, even without the proper appendage appended what with to kick with. But, uh.

[...]

How does a fish not know how to swim.

[loveisanopendoor]

I'll be honest, it was a little bit sad. He just...sat in a shallow pond and flopped around.

I'm pretty sure the Pokedex says that it's the weakest Pokemon, which is insulting enough, but then it goes on to say that the fact that the species even survived this long is more or less proof that magic and miracles exist.

...Which is incredibly rude, if you ask me.

[ Even if it is true. ]

[callbacks]

Haha, wow. The Pokédex is one saucy motherfucker. But also, yeah, super discourteous, shame on it.

[Nice burn, Professor Oak. Or whoever's in charge of Pokédex entries.]

So...you just gave him a chance, huh? And it really paid off.

[loveisanopendoor]

Well, yeah! I always gotta help out the little guys, right? It's part of my job as a princess to make sure everyone in the kingdom feels really appreciated, like they're pulling their weight and doing their part to make it the best kingdom it can be. I try to make sure my Pokemon feel like that, too, that no matter how big or small they are, they're still worth a lot.

And, well, that little fish in the pond really needed that. Most Gyaradoses are really aggressive, honestly. I assume it's because most people treat them so badly as Magikarps, and they're so short with them that something just sort of clicks when they evolve...so, well, I did something right, at least.

[callbacks]

I never thought about it like that. Being a princess and stuff, I mean. Like, I know what royalty's supposed to do and all re: the running of the enormous geopolitical mess we call a country, but I never heard it put into those kinds of terms.

[You know. The Disney kinds of terms.]

I guess it really...the stuff you do when they're little really matters, if you made that big a difference for the guy.

[loveisanopendoor]

It's a pretty fun job at the end of the day, honestly, even if it is a lot of responsibility.

[ The serious queenly stuff, she can leave to Elsa. Anna's got the Disney attitude on lock. ]

Isn't that the case with everybody, though? The things that happen when you're growing up have an effect on the person you become. That's just how life is, y'know?

[callbacks]

I. Guess so, yeah.

[Hahaha ummMMMM LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE. I MEAN SOMETHING ELSE. I MEAN. FUCK.]

So your Kirlia chose to become a Gallade, too? Do you know why, or was it just, like, his thing?

[loveisanopendoor]

I think it's because my sister's Kirlia was his crush and he wanted to be strong enough to protect her...so when he saw that Dawn Stone, he practically leapt for it, yknow?

[callbacks]

Haha, man. How long's that crush been going on? Deets, gossip, chop chop, let's go.

[loveisanopendoor]

Just about since we first got them both as Ralts, really! So I wanna say its been well over a year. That was one of the first Pokemon that Elsa caught, so...it's been a long time coming. You should see them fight together, though, he's so noble and he always does his best to protect her and make her happy... It really motivates him!! I think they make for a great couple! Odin and Frigga...heck, we even named them after Norse gods who became a husband and wife, so I guess them pairing off was kind of destiny.

[callbacks]

Dammmnnnn. Over a year? Come on, bro, you only live once.

[Unless, you know, you don't. Also, Dave is hardly one to talk.]

Does the lady not return the favor, or...?

[loveisanopendoor]

She does, but they're both too shy to really take it anywhere, I thi--oh, come on, Odin, it's cute!

[ She swivels the camera around just a bit, and poor knightly Odin is covering his face with his stubby hands... ]

He's just nervous to confess to her, I think. Which is something I can totally relate to, so I'm not judging that hard.

[callbacks]

I mean, yeah, like, I'm sure most of us've paddled around awkwardly in that boat. Steered into the pier a couple times, maybe tumbled out and got algae all over our wetsuits, smelled like rank goldfish piss for days.

[Dave what is this even a metaphor for anymore.]

And I guess there's something about letting an unrequited crush hang out in your chest cavity for a long time. But, I mean. If you already know she likes you and you don't say anything, and you blow your chance... Not that I'd know or anything, it just sounds lame as hell.

[loveisanopendoor]

[ WAIT WHAT...... ]

That's...not exactly how I would've described that situation, but, yeah, I think I get the idea! It's, um, definitely a bit of a wreck sometimes. I mean, asking out Nonon was, like, a bit of a ridiculous disaster at first... I do think they're pretty loyal to each other, though. Maybe all he needs is a little bit of a push in the right direction...maybe a Poké-date or two?

Or maybe he wants to court her the old-fashioned way? Y'know, all knightly and chaste-like?

[callbacks]

All I got when I tried that even a little bit was laughter and endless trolling for half a month.

[loveisanopendoor]

Um, trolling?

[ That's a new term, though she's been trying her best to pick up the modern slang..! ]

Maybe you were trying too hard with it..? At least you gave it a shot, though, right?

[callbacks]

I was mostly kidding, but she just went on and on like I was her favorite episode of Troll Judge Judy, which is apparently the height of comedy if you're an alien obsessed with alien laws.

...But I guess she did think it was cute. Eventually. When she stopped cackling long enough to draw breath in my vicinity. So it might work for your boy.

[loveisanopendoor]

Well, trolls can be pretty funny sometimes, if a little, um, overbearing? Definitely eccentric! So I guess I don't blame her for that.

Being able to make a girl laugh is a good quality to have, though! I mean, you gotta have a sense of humor, after all! If you're gonna be with someone, you should at least be able to make them smile, right? That's definitely a good thing, then! I don't know, maybe Odin can learn some funny jokes..?

[callbacks]

I mean, if he's not naturally a jokey guy, he shouldn't try to clown up on something that's only gonna fall flat when he actually makes a play. You gotta own your shit when you put yourself out there like that, I know that much.

Also, wait. You know trolls?

[loveisanopendoor]

Yeah, that's true. But I do think that a joke or two here and there couldn't hurt! I mean, everyone loves puns, right? You don't have to be a super-funny-guy to ask why the Torchic crossed the road, after all.

We have them back in Arendelle, though. There's a whole, huge family of them that lives in the mountains...they've apparently had a good relationship with the royal family for a long time. They've helped me out of a tight spot before.

...Not that I remember it, because they took my goshdarn memory of it, but...

[callbacks]

Wait, I thought trolls didn't do family the way we do, on account of them all popping out of the Mother Grub before they pupate. Karkat and Kanaya made it sound like a pretty big deal...

[loveisanopendoor]

Wait, what? What the heck is the Mother Grub? I mean, it certainly sounds like one of those kinda skeevy trolly things, but...that's not something I've ever heard of.

The ones I know are very big on family, though. Like, almost a little too big, if that's possible. And apparently they're love experts? But I don't know if I necessarily buy that.

[ She won't lie, it was...a little uncomfortable. Seeing as though, like, she was literally dying and they were trying to push her with a guy.

Good hearts, but God, can they be strange. ]

[callbacks]

I.

[???]

I mean, Karkat's definitely described himself as a love expert, or at least an expert on troll love quadrants, but actually he didn't know what the fuck he was doing ever? At least, as far as I could tell. But as far as I know, the only things they really have that's close to how we think of family are their lususes, which, I mean. They didn't seem that broken up about.