callbacks | 6 ∅ [Video]

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6 ∅ [Video]

[There's a bright little bird...lizard thing minding its own business on a branch, cleaning its feathers and looking around with puzzled curiosity. The owner of the PokéGear sets it standing in the fork of the tree and then starts to creep up the branch with hands and knees, trying to keep his breath quiet. He's a kid, small, small enough for the branch to hold his weight, but it dips and the Archen notices him. As one, they freeze, and then both leap at once, the Archen away and the boy towards it, in a crush of squawking and leaves and confusion.

The PokéGear falls, too, thudding to the grass amid the cries of Pokémon, and it's hard to tell what's happened for a minute until a Gallade comes to pick it up. He's balancing a four-year-old blond boy on his hip while a Togetic hovers in dismay, everyone dusty from the fall, but the kid squirms in the Gallade's hold and beams without smiling from behind his very familiar shades. Proud and apparently unhurt, Dave holds up a PokéBall towards the 'Gear.]

I caughted it.

[Wart the Gallade turns the camera to his own desperate, exasperated, bewildered face.]

Help me.

((Kiddo Dave replies will come from

knightoftimeout!))

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[Dave turns to look at John, frowns immediately, and then fusses at Wart to be put down. From there, he looks up, and up, and up at his best friend until he's completely affronted.]

This is bulbshit.

[He looks straight forward, eye-level with John's hip, then up again. What the fuck!]

You're not asposed to be bigger than me. You're...I'm more taller than you.

[John has to admit it's kind of weird looking down on Dave for once, but this isn't the first time this has happened. At least this time he's not surrounded by seven other small babies who can't even talk.]

Hey, little kids aren't allowed to swear. Also, I am the big man now, Dave. It's me. How does that make you feel?

[He crouches down, though. He is here to help Dave in addition to mercilessly teasing him.]

Do you want a piggy back ride? I can bring you back to the hotel.

[He is extremely little, yes, so much so that Karkat is stealing incredulous glances at him in between wheezing like a fucking loser. If it weren't for his own firsthand and wholly lamentable experience shifting species, he'd be finding this impossible to process... or not, considering fucking Sgrub and everything about it. It's still Dave, though, and egregious asshattery like this is not supposed to happen to Dave and especially not when Karkat's supposed to be looking after him. Yeah, fine, he might not have been able to stop the spontaneous age regression, but getting loose and probably lost with only Wart for company? Wart is more capable than he thinks he is, but goddammit, how could Karkat have let it reach this point? Dave isn't injured, is he?

He straightens, then thinks better of it and crouches down so he can look the tiny human in the shades. He still looks upset, but any anger lingering in his expression is definitely not directed toward this. Really small person. Really small, cute person. God, those sunglasses look even stupider on him at this size, why is that endearing.]

It's okay. Keep the bird, Dave. I just... fuck.

[He glances at Wart, then back again. Under normal circumstances, he'd have thought Dave was asking just to fuck with him, but again, he is tiny and who even knows how much being this little is affecting his psyche? Annnnnnd that's probably a stupid question to ask when there's a psychic type Pokémon right there, isn't it? Or should he be asking Dave? Would Dave even know? God, someone just kill him, please, he cannot fucking deal with this situation.]

... You're hungry, right?

[It's the safest question he can think to ask and, if the intel from Wart is right, probably the most relevant. Food is simple. He can provide Dave with food. The other shit is... he'll get to that. Maybe? Fuck.]

[Dave holds the Pokéball to his chest again when Karkat assures him he doesn't want it. Even at this age, he can keep the relief off his face, but it's still palpable enough in the air around him to show that, yeah, he didn't really want to give up his cool new dinobird--but that he would've, if Karkat wanted him to.

He considers the question, rolling the ball a tiny bit between his hands. When he nods, it's a little unsure, like he thinks this is the kind of question he can get wrong. Like it's a test.]

I want...

[He stops again, watching Karkat, and Wart shifts his weight from foot to foot. Whatever's going on in Dave's head, Wart's still on edge with the change. He has even less experience than Karkat with people turning into larvae, god damn.

Anyway, Dave decides Karkat's a safe enough bet to continue.]

I wanna go to Burger Slowking.

[It's not a request, not a demand. Just a statement, carefully offered. Dave waits, watching.]

Sal-u-tations! ...sir?

[There's a lot she doesn't understand right now. But there's a... knightly alien thing? Asking for help over her scroll, so questions can wait.]

Do you require assistance?

[Well, it makes him feel fuckin' small, to tell you the truth, but before he can get worked up and bothered about it John's down on his level and the move is unexpected enough to surprise him, to get him off balance. Charmed, he actually thinks about the question.

After a moment, he inclines his head.]

Will you 'tenlike being a pony. Or, or a rocket ship.

Oh, thank god. Penny, hey, do you know anything about--

[Dave interposes himself between the camera and Wart, reaching out to take hold of the PokéGear with one hand to steady it.]

What...what's a, a salad tation?

[... Someone this small should not be this good at concealing their emotions. Even trolls aren't this good at concealing their emotions at, what, one sweep? Two? Sure, Dave isn't completely shutting himself off, but holy fuck would Bro have a platonically murderous troll on his ass if he were here right now. Just. Fuck that guy.

The long pauses don't help to assuage Karkat's anger in the slightest, nor does Wart's telltale fidgeting, but he's doing his damnedest to be patient and, when Dave finally speaks, venture a tiny smile. Arghargharghargh please let this work.]

Right. Burger Slowking. Uh, good choice.

[He straightens again, looks over at the tree this fucking monkey had occupied not too long ago (seriously, human child, why), then, uh. Offers his hand? Older humans playing lusii held hands with their wards, right, that's totally a thing. He thinks. He saw it in movies, it must be true. Oh god, what if Dave doesn't want to hold hands with him? Sweet mother grub's oozing vestigial third oral sphincter, why the fuck had he held his hand out, Past Karkat is a blight upon Bilious Slick's reeking, incontinent asshole.

He wants regular-aged-Dave back. When is this going to be over?]

I'll pay. I probably owe you for all those dick-infested coffees anyway.

[Haha. Ha. Haah. God he has no idea how he's going to get through this.]

That is a VERY good question, young man! "Salutations" is a greeting, or way of saying "hello!" My name is Penny, it's a pleasure to meet you! What's-

[Hang on, there was something important there.]

Wait, did your...

[Companion? Bodyguard? Interspecies adoptive parent?]

...friend know my name already?

[A sudden, thoroughly overdramatic gasp as she leans in close to the camera, eyes wide and curious.]

Is he PSYCHIC?

[There it is, that brightening-without-smiling, and Dave just bounces forward and takes Karkat's hand with his warm, tiny fingers--

(oh god Karkat why fuck those fingers were in his mouth Karkat no oh well too late)

--like they belong there, like this is right. This time it's Wart's relief that ripples through the air, though Valentine's wings flutter with something, too. Karkat's got this, they don't have to be in charge of their miniaturized trainer anymore.

Dave swings their arms a little, though the angle's kind of weird when he's this small.]

Dumb. Those isn't presents, I like giving coffee to Katkat.

[Because, obviously, presents are part of the long game of ironic one-upmanship, for which birthdays are naught but the yearly Olympics of weaponized sentimentality. Tugging Karkat along, Dave hop-toddles back towards the road, used to matching the gait of someone with much longer legs than either of them.

Up goes the Pokéball.]

I caughted a bird. Did you see? It was in the tree but it doesn't fly.

[Dave and Wart exchange a look. After a moment, Wart looks at the 'Gear again and ventures a tentative--]

Yes...? Yes. I'm a Psychic-type.

[Must be that weirdass pokemon that was in the tree. He smiles a little because even if Dave's mentally not aged down, it's still cute as hell to hear 'caughted'.]

Yeah, I wanna see it. Must be badass if you caught it.

[It takes John a moment to parse what Dave's saying, just because it's been a while since he's had to deal with little kids. It takes an entirely different skillset than parsing Dave's usual roundabout way of saying things.]

Uh, okay, you want me to be a rocketship? I guess I can do that.

[It would have been so much cooler if he could still fly... but also probably a lot more dangerous.]

You've gotta make the rocketship noises, though. Deal?

[:>!

The encouragement is all Dave needs, and he pushes the button on the Pokéball to let his new Archen out. The poor frazzled thing shakes itself out, looks at Dave with all the affronted confusion in the world, and squawks noisily. Dave squats in front of it, chin in his hands. He's in love.]

Its face is sooooo weeeeird.

[The Archen looks at Tucker like 'bro wtf am i supposed to do with this?' Wart drags a hand down his face.]

[In response, Dave just scampers around to John's back and puts little hands on his shoulders.]

Up?

[Ready or not, John, he's clambering aboard.]

[Saliva-coated fingers wouldn't scream pale passion even if Dave weren't a fucking sweep old (he's almost certain now), but god is Karkat going to shove his moirail into the nearest pile once he's back to his usual age. He'd like to think the thought isn't an entirely selfish one, but then considering that the asshole doesn't seem traumatized or even remotely alarmed by losing those six additional sweeps... ugh. Okay, no, he can think about what kind of trash he is later; right now, he has a tiny human to escort to Burger Slowking.

(Bonus: Burger Slowking has a fucking bathroom with soap and water he can use to PURGE THE FILTH FROM HIS HANDS. Actually, Dave could probably use washing up, too. Augh, are all children this sticky and/or disgusting? Asked the grub-eating space bug.)

The quip about the coffee has him faltering before he even tries to match the pace Dave has set, but he's too alarmed by the thought of falling behind to not catch up after a second or two. Dave still remembers. If he can just hold on to that thought, maybe this won't be so bad? Fuck, he sounds like something out of Tavros's stupid fairy tales. He blames Dave for his infectious wiggler mindset. Or something.

He's starting to smile just a little, though.]

Yeah, I saw. Is that a new Pokémon? I've never seen one like it around before.

[Then again, he hasn't gone out much for Reasons.]

[He looks at the Pokéball measuringly. He's not watching where he's going, but that's what holding hands is for, obviously.]

I dunno. I never seen it before either. And I don't remmber how to make the Pokédex talk to me 'stead of being a book.

[...Yeah, he can't read anymore, which is kind of a bummer. Karkat can say all sorts of insulting things about him and he won't even know, this is a tragedy. He looks up at Karkat. He is so small.]

Will, will you help me name it? You know lots of cool words.

Edited 2016-05-14 21:24 (UTC)

[SO SMALL. Also illiterate, which makes... an awful sort of sense, considering the difficulties Dave has been having with speaking. Karkat's not sure how the fuck that's even supposed to work, but all the theories he's come up with so far are sort of horrifying and okay maybe Dave is just doing a very good job of hiding how much the age regression is getting to him. Or... oh god, what if he doesn't even know how much it would bother him if he was back to normal, holy fuck this is so messed up. The second they're done walking and he's sure doing so won't alarm him, Karkat is going to hug the shit out of this dumb pink wiggler, just you wait.

... He's straying from the point. Again. Fuck, what were they talking abouNAMES, RIGHT. Huh. That. Wait, really?]

Uh. Yeah, okay. [??? HE DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY YES, HOW DID] What kind of name did you want for him? Something like what you have for your other Pokémon?

[Please say no, he's not sure he can willingly induce the amount of brain trauma necessary to come up with names that fucking stupid.]

Yeah!

[Haha, sucker, you're S.O.L. No way can Karkat say no to this face. Dave takes the next few steps at a hop, letting Karkat get ahead a step and then jumping as far forward as he can to catch up. Stop and hop, stop and hop.]

It's got--it's got a lot of colors kinda like Turkey Leg, so I wanna make them match. Turkey legs and chicken nuggets. But it should have a cooler name than Chicken Nugget, 'cause it's...I think it's a dinosaur.

[He thinks for a second, then returns to a more normal walking pace.]

...I also dunno if it's a boy bird or a girl bird.

Edited 2016-05-15 02:08 (UTC)

[... This is so fucking unfair. He's stupid enough about Dave already, why is this a thing. The second he's back to normal, he's getting such an earful.

Also, hahaha what.]

Since when do you give a fuck if your Pokémon are boys or girls? You named one "Snow Cone Machete." And "Ronzoni," whatever the fuck that is.

[Probably some weird human thing, much like everything else that comes out of Dave's mouth. Karkat magnanimously doesn't point this out, though, instead keeping half an eye on his mini moirail's antics and trying very hard not to despair for his lingering sanity. What the fuck is even happening right now, who walks like that.]

Tell me what completely fucking arbitrary definition you're using for "cool" or "ironic" today and maybe I'll have a single goddamn clue what kind of name you're looking for.

Hehe. Ronzonis is pasta. 'Cause he looks like a pasta.

[Which is, of course, why Dave would even obtain a sentient pool noodle in the first place.

He stumbles once but rights himself quickly with his free arm. He barely ends up pulling on Karkat at all. Like he knows better than to expect support from any quarter.]

Anyway, I dunneed a...a rionic part for naming the dinobird. The nugget part, that's lots rionic. But it's gotta be Something Nugget. Something cool. Cool McNugget. But cooler.

Thank you. Yes. That cleared everything up completely. Excellent fucking work, Dave.

[What even is pasta? No, wait, he doesn't care. He does care if Dave falls over, though, and he jerks to a halt when the other stumbles, radiating concern even if he's obviously totally fine. First the tree, now this, what is wrong with the grubs of this species, do they have no survival instincts at all? Not that trolls are, uh, really much better, but still.

... And he would have loved to get moving again after that, but then Dave mispronounces that word, of all possible words and Karkat is pretty sure he's going to die from pity overload. How. How. It was bad enough when he was just tiny, but a Dave who can't even say the word "ironic" is—is—oh god, it's the most ironic thing ever, he thinks he might puke, but more importantly, he is not going to let anything happen to this poor, stupid, precious child and he cannot be held accountable at all for whatever he winds up doing when Dave is back to normal and it won't be fucking weird as shit to think of him in any quadrant. Not that. Uh. Fuck.

Karkat pinches the bridge of his nose, attempts to count silently to ten, and gives up somewhere around one. How the fuck is he going to get through this?]

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Whatever you want. [He's so screwed.] So, what, like... any cool word? Or do you want a word like "Lazer" with a Z because humans are fucking bizarre and think deliberately misspelling words makes them cooler.

[Or rather "Lazor." ~~holy fuck i'm old THIS CAME OUT IN 2002 HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE~~]

[Dave bounces, springing up to take Karkat's hand in both his grubby child hands (even it's kind of hard because he's still holding the Pokéball in that hand, so Karkat's hand is kind of squished in between child hand and plasticky surface) and basically dancing in place with it. Up-down-up-down-up-up-up. He may not express much with his face, still, but his body language just don't stop.]

A cool word! A real cool word. Not like a misspellsed one, then how can anyone tell it's cool 'less they read it?

[DUUUUHHHHH. Dave calms down a little and starts walking along again.]

Should be a time word, pro'lly, 'cause on account of being a dinosaur. It's pro'lly like...a gazillion years old.

[He considers this, then notes sagely:]

So like, at least two bazillion sweeps.

[... Okay, gross sticky child fingers are much less endearing than mispronounced words. The charm may be fading a little, except that Dave's moronic bouncing is—you know what, fuck it, he's just going to assume this is some kind of human evolutionary defense mechanism. Their young is simultaneously too disgusting too approach and too cute to want to murder from a distance. That's probably how it works, right? He'll have to ask Dave when he's back to normal, or perhaps Jade when they get back to the hotel. John is not an option because he's probably already busy handing out rabbits or something, who even fucking knows.

Karkat sighs faintly as Dave prattles on, more relieved than he'll ever admit that at least the mindless blather erupting from his ignorance spout is familiar. Only Dave could be this pointlessly annoying.]

Age. Epoch. [~~you know, like epic as in awesome as in cool HA HA HA no~~] Era. Eon. Aeon, if you want to be really fucking pretentious. Wait, your planet isn't even that old, is it?

[How much is a bazillion. Is that even a word. Why is he expecting rational responses from a miniature version of Dave, that's stupidity on a level that... is probably typical of Past Karkat in general. Never fucking mind.]

[Actually, that's pretty much exactly why babies are cute? Good work, Karkat, you're catching on to the mammalian worldview.

Dave listens intently as Karkat lists off terms, looking up at him like he's giving every word the gravest consideration. Like he's giving Karkat the gravest consideration. He faces forward again, tilting his head first to this side then the other like the ideas have to literally roll around in his brain before he can make a decision. First, though:]

Earth is lots old. Like...a plazillion. Like, like five plazillions. How much is a aeon?

[He looks up again, still walking briskly to keep up with those longer legs.]

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