6 ∅ [Video]
[There's a bright little bird...lizard thing minding its own business on a branch, cleaning its feathers and looking around with puzzled curiosity. The owner of the PokéGear sets it standing in the fork of the tree and then starts to creep up the branch with hands and knees, trying to keep his breath quiet. He's a kid, small, small enough for the branch to hold his weight, but it dips and the Archen notices him. As one, they freeze, and then both leap at once, the Archen away and the boy towards it, in a crush of squawking and leaves and confusion.
The PokéGear falls, too, thudding to the grass amid the cries of Pokémon, and it's hard to tell what's happened for a minute until a Gallade comes to pick it up. He's balancing a four-year-old blond boy on his hip while a Togetic hovers in dismay, everyone dusty from the fall, but the kid squirms in the Gallade's hold and beams without smiling from behind his very familiar shades. Proud and apparently unhurt, Dave holds up a PokéBall towards the 'Gear.]
I caughted it.
[Wart the Gallade turns the camera to his own desperate, exasperated, bewildered face.]
Help me.
((Kiddo Dave replies will come from![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
knightoftimeout!))
The PokéGear falls, too, thudding to the grass amid the cries of Pokémon, and it's hard to tell what's happened for a minute until a Gallade comes to pick it up. He's balancing a four-year-old blond boy on his hip while a Togetic hovers in dismay, everyone dusty from the fall, but the kid squirms in the Gallade's hold and beams without smiling from behind his very familiar shades. Proud and apparently unhurt, Dave holds up a PokéBall towards the 'Gear.]
I caughted it.
[Wart the Gallade turns the camera to his own desperate, exasperated, bewildered face.]
Help me.
((Kiddo Dave replies will come from
knightoftimeout!))
[video -> action maybe??]
Why... didn't you... wake me... up?!
[His voice is low and furious, which naturally does fuckall at concealing his worry. Had Dave just not realized he should say something before taking off? That has to be it, right? And, fuck, he will bribe this piece of shit with every Happiny Meal toy in existence if it keeps him from wandering away again, why hadn't he trusted him?
Expect Karkat to come skidding into view at whatever point in time is reasonable for however the fuck far away Dave is, by the way. He may also stop a moment to catch his breath because, yeah, he has learned absolutely nothing about the consequences of running full tilt somewhere just to yell at people.]
[video -> action totally]
Even then, he still doesn't speak for a moment, just clinging to Wart like a baby possum even when he makes to put Dave down. When he finally pipes up, it's tiny and quiet and spoken mostly towards Wart's shoulder.]
Sorry.
[Wart looks from Dave to Karkat and back with painful sympathy. Oh no, he's so small. Dave does squirm to be let down, then, and when he does he shuffles towards Karkat and then holds up his ball.]
Do...do you want my bird?
[action]
He straightens, then thinks better of it and crouches down so he can look the tiny human in the shades. He still looks upset, but any anger lingering in his expression is definitely not directed toward this. Really small person. Really small, cute person. God, those sunglasses look even stupider on him at this size, why is that endearing.]
It's okay. Keep the bird, Dave. I just... fuck.
[He glances at Wart, then back again. Under normal circumstances, he'd have thought Dave was asking just to fuck with him, but again, he is tiny and who even knows how much being this little is affecting his psyche? Annnnnnd that's probably a stupid question to ask when there's a psychic type Pokémon right there, isn't it? Or should he be asking Dave? Would Dave even know? God, someone just kill him, please, he cannot fucking deal with this situation.]
... You're hungry, right?
[It's the safest question he can think to ask and, if the intel from Wart is right, probably the most relevant. Food is simple. He can provide Dave with food. The other shit is... he'll get to that. Maybe? Fuck.]
[action]
He considers the question, rolling the ball a tiny bit between his hands. When he nods, it's a little unsure, like he thinks this is the kind of question he can get wrong. Like it's a test.]
I want...
[He stops again, watching Karkat, and Wart shifts his weight from foot to foot. Whatever's going on in Dave's head, Wart's still on edge with the change. He has even less experience than Karkat with people turning into larvae, god damn.
Anyway, Dave decides Karkat's a safe enough bet to continue.]
I wanna go to Burger Slowking.
[It's not a request, not a demand. Just a statement, carefully offered. Dave waits, watching.]
[action]
The long pauses don't help to assuage Karkat's anger in the slightest, nor does Wart's telltale fidgeting, but he's doing his damnedest to be patient and, when Dave finally speaks, venture a tiny smile. Arghargharghargh please let this work.]
Right. Burger Slowking. Uh, good choice.
[He straightens again, looks over at the tree this fucking monkey had occupied not too long ago (seriously, human child, why), then, uh. Offers his hand? Older humans playing lusii held hands with their wards, right, that's totally a thing. He thinks. He saw it in movies, it must be true. Oh god, what if Dave doesn't want to hold hands with him? Sweet mother grub's oozing vestigial third oral sphincter, why the fuck had he held his hand out, Past Karkat is a blight upon Bilious Slick's reeking, incontinent asshole.
He wants regular-aged-Dave back. When is this going to be over?]
I'll pay. I probably owe you for all those dick-infested coffees anyway.
[Haha. Ha. Haah. God he has no idea how he's going to get through this.]
[action]
(oh god Karkat why fuck those fingers were in his mouth Karkat no oh well too late)
--like they belong there, like this is right. This time it's Wart's relief that ripples through the air, though Valentine's wings flutter with something, too. Karkat's got this, they don't have to be in charge of their miniaturized trainer anymore.
Dave swings their arms a little, though the angle's kind of weird when he's this small.]
Dumb. Those isn't presents, I like giving coffee to Katkat.
[Because, obviously, presents are part of the long game of ironic one-upmanship, for which birthdays are naught but the yearly Olympics of weaponized sentimentality. Tugging Karkat along, Dave hop-toddles back towards the road, used to matching the gait of someone with much longer legs than either of them.
Up goes the Pokéball.]
I caughted a bird. Did you see? It was in the tree but it doesn't fly.
[action]
(Bonus: Burger Slowking has a fucking bathroom with soap and water he can use to PURGE THE FILTH FROM HIS HANDS. Actually, Dave could probably use washing up, too. Augh, are all children this sticky and/or disgusting? Asked the grub-eating space bug.)
The quip about the coffee has him faltering before he even tries to match the pace Dave has set, but he's too alarmed by the thought of falling behind to not catch up after a second or two. Dave still remembers. If he can just hold on to that thought, maybe this won't be so bad? Fuck, he sounds like something out of Tavros's stupid fairy tales. He blames Dave for his infectious wiggler mindset. Or something.
He's starting to smile just a little, though.]
Yeah, I saw. Is that a new Pokémon? I've never seen one like it around before.
[Then again, he hasn't gone out much for Reasons.]
[action]
I dunno. I never seen it before either. And I don't remmber how to make the Pokédex talk to me 'stead of being a book.
[...Yeah, he can't read anymore, which is kind of a bummer. Karkat can say all sorts of insulting things about him and he won't even know, this is a tragedy. He looks up at Karkat. He is so small.]
Will, will you help me name it? You know lots of cool words.
[action]
... He's straying from the point. Again. Fuck, what were they talking abouNAMES, RIGHT. Huh. That. Wait, really?]
Uh. Yeah, okay. [??? HE DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY YES, HOW DID] What kind of name did you want for him? Something like what you have for your other Pokémon?
[Please say no, he's not sure he can willingly induce the amount of brain trauma necessary to come up with names that fucking stupid.]
[action]
[Haha, sucker, you're S.O.L. No way can Karkat say no to this face. Dave takes the next few steps at a hop, letting Karkat get ahead a step and then jumping as far forward as he can to catch up. Stop and hop, stop and hop.]
It's got--it's got a lot of colors kinda like Turkey Leg, so I wanna make them match. Turkey legs and chicken nuggets. But it should have a cooler name than Chicken Nugget, 'cause it's...I think it's a dinosaur.
[He thinks for a second, then returns to a more normal walking pace.]
...I also dunno if it's a boy bird or a girl bird.
[action]
Also, hahaha what.]
Since when do you give a fuck if your Pokémon are boys or girls? You named one "Snow Cone Machete." And "Ronzoni," whatever the fuck that is.
[Probably some weird human thing, much like everything else that comes out of Dave's mouth. Karkat magnanimously doesn't point this out, though, instead keeping half an eye on his mini moirail's antics and trying very hard not to despair for his lingering sanity. What the fuck is even happening right now, who walks like that.]
Tell me what completely fucking arbitrary definition you're using for "cool" or "ironic" today and maybe I'll have a single goddamn clue what kind of name you're looking for.
[action]
[Which is, of course, why Dave would even obtain a sentient pool noodle in the first place.
He stumbles once but rights himself quickly with his free arm. He barely ends up pulling on Karkat at all. Like he knows better than to expect support from any quarter.]
Anyway, I dunneed a...a rionic part for naming the dinobird. The nugget part, that's lots rionic. But it's gotta be Something Nugget. Something cool. Cool McNugget. But cooler.
[action]
[What even is pasta? No, wait, he doesn't care. He does care if Dave falls over, though, and he jerks to a halt when the other stumbles, radiating concern even if he's obviously totally fine. First the tree, now this, what is wrong with the grubs of this species, do they have no survival instincts at all? Not that trolls are, uh, really much better, but still.
... And he would have loved to get moving again after that, but then Dave mispronounces that word, of all possible words and Karkat is pretty sure he's going to die from pity overload. How. How. It was bad enough when he was just tiny, but a Dave who can't even say the word "ironic" is—is—oh god, it's the most ironic thing ever, he thinks he might puke, but more importantly, he is not going to let anything happen to this poor, stupid, precious child and he cannot be held accountable at all for whatever he winds up doing when Dave is back to normal and it won't be fucking weird as shit to think of him in any quadrant. Not that. Uh. Fuck.
Karkat pinches the bridge of his nose, attempts to count silently to ten, and gives up somewhere around one. How the fuck is he going to get through this?]
Yeah. Yeah, okay. Whatever you want. [He's so screwed.] So, what, like... any cool word? Or do you want a word like "Lazer" with a Z because humans are fucking bizarre and think deliberately misspelling words makes them cooler.
[Or rather "Lazor."
holy fuck i'm old THIS CAME OUT IN 2002 HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE][action]
A cool word! A real cool word. Not like a misspellsed one, then how can anyone tell it's cool 'less they read it?
[DUUUUHHHHH. Dave calms down a little and starts walking along again.]
Should be a time word, pro'lly, 'cause on account of being a dinosaur. It's pro'lly like...a gazillion years old.
[He considers this, then notes sagely:]
So like, at least two bazillion sweeps.
[action]
Karkat sighs faintly as Dave prattles on, more relieved than he'll ever admit that at least the mindless blather erupting from his ignorance spout is familiar. Only Dave could be this pointlessly annoying.]
Age. Epoch. [
you know, like epic as in awesome as in cool HA HA HA no] Era. Eon. Aeon, if you want to be really fucking pretentious. Wait, your planet isn't even that old, is it?[How much is a bazillion. Is that even a word. Why is he expecting rational responses from a miniature version of Dave, that's stupidity on a level that... is probably typical of Past Karkat in general. Never fucking mind.]
[action]
Dave listens intently as Karkat lists off terms, looking up at him like he's giving every word the gravest consideration. Like he's giving Karkat the gravest consideration. He faces forward again, tilting his head first to this side then the other like the ideas have to literally roll around in his brain before he can make a decision. First, though:]
Earth is lots old. Like...a plazillion. Like, like five plazillions. How much is a aeon?
[He looks up again, still walking briskly to keep up with those longer legs.]
[action]
... Although, uh. How long is an aeon? Goddammit, Dave, he's a knight not a geologist.]
A... really fucking long time. Maybe a plazilion, fuck if I know.
[Karkat's absolutely convinced now that Dave is making those words up. There's no way they can be real.]
[action]
That one! Aeon McNugget the dinobird. Yes.
[Skippity hop. The Child is Appeased. Da na na naaaa, miniquest complete! ...Haha, MINIquest.
Dave looks up again, happy.]
Can you write it down for me at the Burger Slowking? I don't wanna forget afore I get big again.
[action]
He tries a very small, tight smile in response, but he gives up fairly quickly and refocuses on getting them to their destination. Are they there yet? Oh god, where even is Burger Slowking?]
Yeah, I'll write it down.
[And. Wait. What. He glances sharply back at Dave.]
Do people usually forget what the fuck happened when they're changed into... whatever?
[He's seriously beginning to regret not looking into this before now.]
[action]
Uh-uh. Don't think so. 'S just...I'm four.
[It feels weird to be that self-aware about it, but he remembers knowing a lot more crap than he knows now. He wants to suck on his fingers, but both his hands are occupied, and he huffs.]
'S hard to remmber shit. 'M too little.
[action]
Then just let me know if I need to remember anything for you, okay? Or write it down for later.
[He's trying to keep his tone light, but surprise! He really, really fucking sucks at it.]
[action]
[He gives Karkat's hand a bitty squeeze. Come on, dude, it's okay, he remembers you.
Maybe he'll remember better with snacks and lollipops, but he's good either way.]
[action]
... But, for now, he is getting Burger Slowking. Wonder of wonders, the scenery had whooshed past while they had their little stroll, and what should they be arriving at the entrance of at this very moment but that same fine dining establishment. Prepare your tastebuds for the most divine culinary adventure ever to come from mass-produced, packaged, and reheated pseudo meat-like "burgers" of mysterious origin. Maybe they're appearified in? We just don't know.]
Do you remember the menu? It would just fucking figure if you remembered their menu. Or, uh, I guess I could pick you up so you can re—look at the pictures.
[He is doomed.]
[action]
Up!
[He finally puts McNugget's ball away in his hoodie pocket and lets go of Karkat's hand, only to lift both his arms. Scooooooore.
(He does, actually, remember the menu. Besides, there are only, what, three options for kids? It's not like he's being offered a paralyzing amount of Choice.)
He briefly rises onto the balls of his feet, as if that'll help at all.]
Pick me up, Katkat.
[bro do u even lift]
[action]
He bends to pick Dave up and oh dear god what does this child eat. He's stubbornly going to keep at it but wow, maybe he should have thought this through first.
Momentarily(?), Karkat emerges triumphant(?) with a small child held more or less securely in his arms, in sort of maybe good range to see the menu. He chances a few steps closer, adjusts his hold on Dave, and takes a peek at what's available himself.]
So. What do you want?
[action]