[All right. She can't type up a whole message and then delete it anymore. This isn't the same as before, there's a real need and want to talk. It's hard, but eventually Dave will get this message.]
so do you ever see a post in the wide and wonderful interweb and think "wow is that person me or some genetic clone of me how do they know this feeling i have so well" and then you read comments and you kind of forget WHAT exactly you were thinking and you just get sad um
shit where was i going with this
dave i dont remember what happened at home but i feel like i did something bad i feel like i did a lot of things i would not be proud of and that might have disappointed you but also put you in the position of having to hold this information so i wouldnt find out
dave i am so sorry i thought if i just didnt bring up my doubts it would all be okay and nobody would have to worry i was wrong i did something bad i probably SAID something bad too maybe stuff that made you doubt how i feel about you and our friends? theres a lot of stuff i didnt say to all of you in the past, though sometimes i wanted to talk about it, i didnt want to be a downer with my shitty lonely personal life i dont want us to have secrets anymore, dave you are one of my very best friends and i always felt a little less lonely when talking to you now we are getting to go on a journey that isnt a convoluted chess game filled with death and time loops and clones we cant fully appreciate this journey or each others company if theres things left unsaid
shit this went on a while um i will be in violet tomorrow later
jade no look alright yeah some heavy shit went down and i wasnt sure if this was the time and place to broach the subject or maybe i just didnt want to but none of thats your fault ok? and nothing that happened was your fault either im telling you that right here and now before we launch this discussion thats a fact we have to establish before the discussion even gets to the stage where the scientists are building the rocket this discussions still on the blueprint level while our resident einsteins gets their think on at nasa nothing was your fault and you shouldnt think so either ok? ok you didnt do anything wrong
ok since were implementing this full disclosure shit yeah no im probably not ready to see you cry in person???? thats tripping all sorts of distress alarms in my nervous system but like i mean would you rather me be there if you do
crying here or crying around you also presents a problem since i am currently traveling with a little kid he probably does not know how to handle crying either shit um i am
["Totally used to crying alone"--Jesus Christ, Jade, no BACKSPACE THAT.]
im not sure but maybe if you are there and i can hug you then you wont see me crying and it will be okay???
[Dave's throat feels funny just thinking about it. And not funny in a ha ha way, funny in a kind of terrible, how do I make it stop kind of way.]
yeah alright so i guess ill just save it till tomorrow then when you see me and i see you obviously just get each other in all this mutual vision all day long
i am not upset with you for trying to keep it secret you were not doing it maliciously and honestly i would have done the same thing i dont want you to be sad or hurting
i can still keep my trap shut you know you dont have to hear about it if you dont want to i just didnt want you to feel like i was lying to you or ..... doing what i did on lofaf
listen jade uh ill talk to you tomorrow ok ive got to take care of some things and then hey youll be here before i know it sort of like the egbertian sweet sixteen reunion we were supposed to have in the first place so ill see you ok
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12/18 | morning
so do you ever see a post in the wide and wonderful interweb and think
"wow is that person me or some genetic clone of me
how do they know this feeling i have so well"
and then you read comments and you kind of forget WHAT exactly you were thinking
and you just get sad
um
shit where was i going with this
dave
i dont remember what happened at home
but i feel like i did something bad
i feel like i did a lot of things i would not be proud of and that might have disappointed you
but also put you in the position of having to hold this information so i wouldnt find out
dave
i am so sorry
i thought if i just didnt bring up my doubts it would all be okay and nobody would have to worry
i was wrong
i did something bad
i probably SAID something bad too
maybe stuff that made you doubt how i feel about you and our friends?
theres a lot of stuff i didnt say to all of you in the past, though sometimes i wanted to talk about it, i didnt want to be a downer with my shitty lonely personal life
i dont want us to have secrets anymore, dave
you are one of my very best friends and i always felt a little less lonely when talking to you
now we are getting to go on a journey that isnt a convoluted chess game filled with death and time loops and clones
we cant fully appreciate this journey or each others company if theres things left unsaid
shit this went on a while
um
i will be in violet tomorrow
later
<3
1/2
2/3
no
look
alright yeah some heavy shit went down and i wasnt sure if this was the time and place to broach the subject
or maybe i just
didnt want to
but none of thats your fault ok?
and nothing that happened was your fault either im telling you that right here and now before we launch this discussion
thats a fact we have to establish before the discussion even gets to the stage where the scientists are building the rocket
this discussions still on the blueprint level while our resident einsteins gets their think on at nasa
nothing was your fault and you shouldnt think so either
ok?
ok
you didnt do anything wrong
3/3
no subject
sorry dave
you are not very adept at being anonymous
i have read and understood your terms and conditions of this discussion, mr strider
[Even if it still gnaws at her that something bad did happen.]
no subject
do
you want to talk about it now or should we wait until we meet up tomorrow
no subject
are you ready to see me cry in person
because you might not be ready for that
and i am most likely going to cry
no subject
thats tripping all sorts of distress alarms in my nervous system
but
like
i mean
would you rather me be there if you do
no subject
since i am currently traveling with a little kid
he probably does not know how to handle crying either
shit um
i am
["Totally used to crying alone"--Jesus Christ, Jade, no BACKSPACE THAT.]
im not sure
but
maybe
if you are there
and i can hug you
then you wont see me crying and it will be okay???
no subject
yeah
alright
so i guess ill just save it till tomorrow then
when you see me
and i see you obviously
just get each other in all this mutual vision all day long
no subject
dave?
i am not upset with you for trying to keep it secret
you were not doing it maliciously
and honestly i would have done the same thing
i dont want you to be sad or hurting
no subject
i can still keep my trap shut you know
you dont have to hear about it if you dont want to
i just didnt want you to feel like i was lying to you or
.....
doing what i did on lofaf
no subject
hhah
i
still have dreams about that
if we are doing full disclosure
you
my grandpa
guns
that idea hadnt even occurred to me
no subject
i do too
listen jade uh
ill talk to you tomorrow ok
ive got to take care of some things and then hey youll be here before i know it
sort of like the egbertian sweet sixteen reunion we were supposed to have in the first place
so
ill see you
ok
no subject
bye dave
<3