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2 ∅ [Video]
[Whoa, what's this? A video post from our resident red-texter? The young man in the feed doesn't have much of a facial expression behind his shades, but he seems pleasantly keyed-up somehow, anyway--maybe it's something in the way he bounces as he flops into his chair.]
I was going to ask if there's some kind of survivalist secret Santa for birthdays around here, or if a Pokémon takes care of it. Like, maybe there's just a widespread anonymous cultural practice of delivering rope and hardtack to someone's door on the anniversary of their exiting utero.
[The corner of his mouth slides up a bit.]
But then I discovered the most important item I've yet received here in Pokéworld. Ladies and gentlemen...
[He turns the camera to reveal a Ralts in a scarf probably twice as long as it is tall. It's holding what looks like the kind of cheap wind-up Electabuzz toy you'd find at the bottom of a child's fast food box.]
The Happiny MealTM toy.
[Dave is so stoked. The Ralts, more bemused than anything else, winds it up and seems surprised when it rattles across the desk. It crouches to watch the toy more closely as Dave pulls the view back to himself, still practically bursting (you know, for him) with ironic amusement.]
Anyway, since I've got all this kit now, does anyone in the Violet City neck of the woods want to go check out those ruins? I know it's basically freezing and all, but they're not supposed to be too far out, and. [He shrugs.] They sound all right.
[Meaning he really, really wants to go see them, and it is his birthday.]
I was going to ask if there's some kind of survivalist secret Santa for birthdays around here, or if a Pokémon takes care of it. Like, maybe there's just a widespread anonymous cultural practice of delivering rope and hardtack to someone's door on the anniversary of their exiting utero.
[The corner of his mouth slides up a bit.]
But then I discovered the most important item I've yet received here in Pokéworld. Ladies and gentlemen...
[He turns the camera to reveal a Ralts in a scarf probably twice as long as it is tall. It's holding what looks like the kind of cheap wind-up Electabuzz toy you'd find at the bottom of a child's fast food box.]
The Happiny MealTM toy.
[Dave is so stoked. The Ralts, more bemused than anything else, winds it up and seems surprised when it rattles across the desk. It crouches to watch the toy more closely as Dave pulls the view back to himself, still practically bursting (you know, for him) with ironic amusement.]
Anyway, since I've got all this kit now, does anyone in the Violet City neck of the woods want to go check out those ruins? I know it's basically freezing and all, but they're not supposed to be too far out, and. [He shrugs.] They sound all right.
[Meaning he really, really wants to go see them, and it is his birthday.]
[Video]
Woah, it's your birthday?! Happy birthday, dude! How old are you?
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[But he shrugs.]
I mean, it's a little messed up because, from my perspective, I missed a few months, but time's all wonky where I'm from and especially so for me, so who knows how old I am, technically. At some point you just have to give up on calculating that shit manually and accede to the local calendar.
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[He nods his head a little at the screen, even though the toy is no longer in view.]
Nice toy, by the way.
[Video]
Isn't it amazing? I fucking love it. I want, like, an army of them.
[Dave's little Ralts follows the toy into frame, still curious about how it works, perhaps.]
So how's tricks over your way? Is it freezing out there, too?
[Video]
Better start buying more Happiny Meals, then!
[And to Dave's question, Jimmy nods.]
Pretty much, yep! We're on the way to Vermillion City right now but it feels like it's just been getting colder every day. I got a jacket and lots of fire types though, so it's okay!
[Video]
[The Ralts looks startled for a second, but Dave's not paying attention to him at the moment. Relieved, Wart returns to playing with the toy.]
The egg you gave me's starting to move around some, I bet it'll hatch pretty soon. For now though it works great as a hot water bottle.
[Video] that icon is so cute what the heck
[He pauses for a moment then, tilting his head a little.]
I remembered to send you a list of what its egg moves will be, didn't I?
[...DID HE, HE'S NOT A BREEDER DAVE...]
[Video] He's being a total asshole in the conversation depicted too
[He doesn't remember getting one, but then, you know. This is Dave.]
If you did, I'm sure I got it somewhere. Maybe.
[Video] god bless
[Video] Dave Strider at 13 was an experience let me tell you
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But yeah, you can get real crazy with some of the egg moves you can give Pokemon! Like giving a Jigglypuff flamethrower, or something.
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My lips are sealed! I actually had one, before she evolved. She's deadly.
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[She's...sortof pudding shaped...?]
Just imagine that with a pair of ears and you've got it.
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[Dave picks up his 'Gear and takes out the stylus for a second, navigating away from the PokéConnect function for a moment. It's not too long before this, though:
ohgodwhat.jpg]
Yeah?
[Video]
[Uh. And by that, he means-]
Yup, you got it! Better than the real thing, I'd say.
[Video]
[...
He lowers his voice.]
Okay, I kind of always wondered about this, but like. Are Pokémon...edible? Do people eat them. Are we eating them, is what I'm asking, I guess.
[Video]
Yaknow, I actually...don't really know? I've never really asked, but...maybe?
[Honestly, they probably are edible, and if Dave asks, he might not get a straight answer.]
[Video]
Okay, I never really considered going meatless ever before in my life--and this stays between you and me, bro, I have a red-blooded Texan reputation to maintain--but I think quarter-pounders have just been lost to me forever.
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[...]
But I'm sure it's not all that big'a deal to worry about! I just haven't really thought about it much, I guess.
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I'm trying to figure out if that's grosser or not than eating sentient beef.
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Don't knock it till you try it, I guess!
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