1 ∅ [Text]

[callbacks]

you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

Comments

[soundmind]

There's probably apple juice in the vending machines next town over. Yeah, apples exist, just don't eat the berries.

[This rambling wall of text is very very familiar to Maka, though the color isn't. Which one from John and Rose's screwed up little world came here, and--]

What does that stand for?

Apples, strawberries, and lemons?

[callbacks]

[Suddenly he is so much more motivated to get going on his Brand New Journey. Bless you, Maka Albarn. Bless you and your informative ways. Let him enlighten you in kind.

You know. Maybe.]

nnnno
do they not have the internet where youre from

[Text]

[awesmazings]

[...

......]

Hey!

[I MEAN, THERE IS A LOT TO RESPOND TO HERE. THAT'S THE EASIEST ONE TO RESPOND TO.]

Sounds like you've done this kinda thing before, huh? I can promise you, it's really not that bad. Unless it's snowing right now. Then it might be a little bad.

But anyway, my name's Jimmy Two-Shoes!
You got any questions and I'll be happy to answer em!

[Text]

[callbacks]

oh christ does it snow here
where do i find a centrally heated bunker and do they take season long reservations




also im dave

text;

[loveisanopendoor]

um are you okay??? i feel like i didn't understand like half the words you just said

uhh let me try and make some sense of this but

if you want apple juice i'm sure you can find some!! they do have apples for sure!! and i can't tell what kind of pokemon you have byt psychic helmet guy sounds like a ralts to me??? they're really cute!!!

text;

[callbacks]

["um are you okay???" is both the rudest and yet somehow nicest sentiment anyone's expressed towards him in quite some time. Someone's worried about his well-being. How...unprecedented! Aww.]

shit im so stoked for apple juice thats the best news ive heard since obama won the elections
also yeah ralts sounds familiar
i guess thats what he is
hes alright i guess
are they all this small and judgy

text

[scratchitti]

good, someone already warned you about the berries.
and yeah they are kinda shit about making sure new arrivals even survive, let alone make it anywhere.
if you're desperate plenty of people can send you supplies

oh yeah

16/m/goldenrod?

text

[callbacks]

16/m/new bark
someone offered to teleport me out of here which normally id be more leery of but im also not about the hypothermia and trail mix life
do they even have hospitals for people here

[Audio]

[diosmio]

Well, that was hardly the worst novel I've read, but I would suggest hiring an editor for the next edition.

[Audio]

[callbacks]

Aw, but you still read the whole thing? That's sweet, dude. I'm touched.

Voice

[bent_the_world]

[Not being a fan of text, Korra goes straight to voice.]

....what the hell was that? They're words. I get that. Familiar words, even! Most of them.

But my eyes started glazing over around the confused apple ranting....

Voice

[callbacks]

It's a conversational culling tactic. Weeds out the weak from the strong. Only those with the right constitution are approved to continue aboard the Strider ride.

That or I was just talking to myself to calm down after a weird couple hours, but, you know, history's in the eye of the interpreter.

[Text]

[in4apounding]

I'm sorry, I don't know what you actually look like! The text transmission functions on this device don't seem to include images.

But you probably don't have to worry about foraging in the rainforest anyway! Judging by the current weather, this place seems to be far more likely to be in a temperate climate zone than anything tropical.

Um. You might still have to forage for food, however. I haven't seen any kind of grocery or restaurant establishments here. But it won't be in the rainforest, at least!

[That was the most important takeaway from all that, right?]

And... ASL? Atlas Second Language? I'm from Atlas! But we speak the same language as everyone else in Remnant.

[Text]

[callbacks]

i
uh
yes ok that was all very helpful and im sure ill take all of that into account next time i go off on a one man slam session against the world not catering to my personal needs
each word delivered unto my eyes made sense to me and im not brimming with unanswered questions on every point

[Like, for example: You actually read all that?? Gurl what even.]

so dont take this as like
a real question
since i dont have any of those
but
when you say in remnant
a remnant of what

[doesntdomuch]

Wow, this mom person doesn't even pack a coat when it's getting colder out?

That's really terrible, kid. I hope you at least got a fire Pokemon when you got here.

[He suddenly feels really lucky that he got here during the summertime.]

[callbacks]

yeah uh
i dont think so??
i just asked him if he can breathe fire but he looked at me like im the idiot so im guessing thats out

[Text]

[defyingfrigidity]

... Well.

I have to say, you certainly win the award for most creative rant upon first waking up in this land.]

[Text]

[callbacks]

really
this isnt even my best material
im flying right off the cuff here and im probably off my game but i appreciate the review anyway
so sup

[armoredsoul]

...I'm not even sure where to start. Is there anything that someone hasn't answered yet? Or other questions you have?

[He's not gonna touch that weird 'video game' conversation a few threads up. It hurts his poor 1920's mind a bit too much.]

[callbacks]

uhhh
well people covered the apple juice question which was my most pressing issue
but um
ok i guess im kind of curious like
are there a lot of people here?

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

5500/no/goldenrod

[Look. If you give him an opportunity to troll, he'll take it.]

[Text]

[callbacks]

[Well then.]

well then non-sir or -madam
what pronouns do you prefer
they had pronouns fifty five hundred years ago right

[secondplacing]

[what

the fuck

is this

Carolina is having flashbacks to red team, but despite this... she's actually kind of concerned. He's right, the road to Cherrygrove and other cities can be hard for people who, you know, aren't soldiers.]

Are you saying you need an escort, or are you just having fun complaining?

[callbacks]

[But whom does he remind her of, Grif or Simmons?]

i was genuinely experiencing some concern before
on account of arriving in my pajamas and suddenly being responsible for a small psychic helmet toddler
but people have been really nice about it and managed to get me an emergency lift to the next town over so im not in danger of dying from exposure on the very first levels at least
which would be a really embarrassing way to bite it after all the other shit ive been through today and over the past
like
at least three but possibly up to and including sixteen years

[islandshore]

20/m/celadon

Since you asked.

Anyway, it'll get easier eventually. Helps if you get a goat so you don't get thrown off by those stupid ledges. It also helps if you find someone to travel with, but if you're a lone wolf type, I'm sure you can make it.

Who knows? Maybe if you save enough cash, you can buy enough apple juice to last the whole winter.

[callbacks]

well to start how much aj can 3000 pokedollars get me