callbacks | 1 ∅ [Text]

you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation

anyway
hey

a/s/l?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Aw, but you still read the whole thing? That's sweet, dude. I'm touched.

What can I say? I'm the type to finish what I've started.

[Long texts, catching Pokemon, destroying people's lives, that sort of thing.]

But I must say you have my sympathies.

[What little of that there may be.]

I can completely understand your dismay at your current situation, even if I have absolutely no idea what most of that meant.

[No, he can't. He got to show up in a nice city with no hiking or anything, but the hell if he's going to tell anyone that.]

Most of it meant that this is kind of bullshit, but it's not any more bullshit than my life was already, so it's cool. And I mean, gross weather and insane maternal figures notwithstanding, this place is mostly a step up from my last digs, so okay.

[...]

But thanks anyway. The sympathies are appreciated. Just gonna boost those sympathies up on a little chair, make sure they know they're acknowledged in the world.

[Mostly he hasn't been asking, but this guy's diction makes Dave think of formality and purple prose. Doesn't kill anyone to be polite.]

So, to whom do I owe the pleasure?

[With him it's either purple prose or him yelling about himself in the third person. So it's probably the lesser of two evils.]

Dio Brando. And you are? I don't believe I noticed a name in there.

[Admittedly, he could have missed it or mistaken it for something else, but he's almost completely certain this guy's name is not Dunkaroos or anything like that.]

[Okay, but Dave is exactly the kind of guy who would let a dude refer to him forever as Dunkaroos. It'd be hilarious.]

Dave Strider. Yeah, I probably didn't mention it? I've gotten kind of unused to the idea of social continuity over the years. Didn't make sense to bother with introductions if you were never gonna see those particular iterations of people ever again, but I guess things are a little more, uh. Linear around here.

I'm afraid I don't understand. How could things be less linear?

[Omitting the whole weird time thing going on here because he is really behind some people, wow.]

[A pause.]

I'm not sure you want me to answer that, dude.

[...]

Shit's pretty cray.

I'm not sure how it could be more bizarre than this world.

Okay, well.

[He warned you, bro.]

For the last three years, I'd been traveling through the Furthest Ring, which is a slice of outer space in the Incipisphere in which time and space are fucked up to all hell. On top of that, it was also full of the dream bubbles, which are sort of little sections of limbo for dead and dreaming players that're made up of their memories, mostly, but if you've got more than two kids in one place? That shit starts to blend, so you never really know where you are or what you're experiencing.

But it didn't really matter, we were always just passing through, and there were so many damn alien ghosts I just sort of gave up trying to remember any of their names and figured they did the same about me.

I take back what I said. Maybe you do have a career as a writer after all.

[What the hell is your life even?]

[It's almost as weird as your canon, bro, that's what it is.]

Naw, prose is my sister's thing. I'd've gone into movies, maybe. Or paleontology. Or whichever branch of science lets me look at awesome dead things all day.

[Hey, his canon is completely normal...as far as he knows at this point, anyway. Ask him again in seven years.]

From what I hear, the fossils here don't always stay dead, so that might be rather difficult.

[Dio, buddy, you're a twelve-year-old with the voice of like a 45-year-old man. Your canon is weird.]

What--wait, like, when you say that, do you mean Jurassic Park-style resurrecting life from the rocks or straight-up living skeletons and shells and shit walking around?

[Point taken.]

Can't say I understand the reference, but I do recall reading something about an outbreak of prehistoric Pokemon.

[Along with some of Team Rocket's other exploits, but he's reasonably certain there's things about that one in any sort of library in the other cities.]

Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs is the reference. We can have dinosaurs?

[Please tell Dave he can have a skeleton dinosaur.]

I would assume so, though I would hardly know where to acquire such a thing.

Well, suddenly I am all sorts of slightly motivated to get this heartwarming animal friendship adventure on the road. Not a plesiosaur guy yourself, though, huh?

If I were to come across one, then I'd let you know.

[At the moment he has no particular feelings on most Pokemon outside of some wordier version of "please, learn to suck less."]

Really? Dope as hell. I appreciate it, man.

[Dave sounds genuinely pleased.]

Anything I should keep a lookout for in return for you? I'm still way at the beginning, but I don't mind keeping these handsome peepers peeled.

[...dope as hell? Is that really a thing where he comes from?]

I appreciate the offer. Should I come across something I can't obtain on my own, I'll be sure to keep you in mind.

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