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you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation

anyway
hey

a/s/l?

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There's probably apple juice in the vending machines next town over. Yeah, apples exist, just don't eat the berries.

[This rambling wall of text is very very familiar to Maka, though the color isn't. Which one from John and Rose's screwed up little world came here, and--]

What does that stand for?

Apples, strawberries, and lemons?

[Suddenly he is so much more motivated to get going on his Brand New Journey. Bless you, Maka Albarn. Bless you and your informative ways. Let him enlighten you in kind.

You know. Maybe.]

nnnno
do they not have the internet where youre from

[...

......]

Hey!

[I MEAN, THERE IS A LOT TO RESPOND TO HERE. THAT'S THE EASIEST ONE TO RESPOND TO.]

Sounds like you've done this kinda thing before, huh? I can promise you, it's really not that bad. Unless it's snowing right now. Then it might be a little bad.

But anyway, my name's Jimmy Two-Shoes!
You got any questions and I'll be happy to answer em!

[...Lord, she knows where this is going.]

How do I put this, yes but it's not common to use in my city.

Hard to get much reception in Death Valley and all.

Is this some ironic thing, like talking about Skitty and Wailord breeding on the network? Because someone already did that a long time ago.

um are you okay??? i feel like i didn't understand like half the words you just said

uhh let me try and make some sense of this but

if you want apple juice i'm sure you can find some!! they do have apples for sure!! and i can't tell what kind of pokemon you have byt psychic helmet guy sounds like a ralts to me??? they're really cute!!!

oh christ does it snow here
where do i find a centrally heated bunker and do they take season long reservations

also im dave

i dont know enough about skitty on wailord action to speak to its ironic value seeing as ive literally just gotten on scene
but no a/s/l isnt really an ironic thing generally?
i was using it half facetiously here because yes its connotations are ironic when used properly but but im also genuinely putting out a shred of interest here
id kind of like to know like
you know
whos around
what i should expect around here
seeing as this is where im going to be at for the foreseeable future as far as i can tell

["um are you okay???" is both the rudest and yet somehow nicest sentiment anyone's expressed towards him in quite some time. Someone's worried about his well-being. How...unprecedented! Aww.]

shit im so stoked for apple juice thats the best news ive heard since obama won the elections
also yeah ralts sounds familiar
i guess thats what he is
hes alright i guess
are they all this small and judgy

Good, I had enough of that with one guy that stuck to bolded text, I don't need another.

[Maybe he's not actually from John's world and it's a coincidence, but it's one hell of a coincidence.]

Anyway, you can expect monsters of various size and type attacking you sometimes, that's what the little guy that's with you is for--battling them and maybe catching them. Sometimes they lay eggs too, no I don't know why, yes even the dogs and cats do that. There are a ton of other people here from all kinds of different worlds, some of them have been here a really long time and can tell you tons of information. Probably way more than I'm about to.

We have to walk to get anywhere at first, but people have found different ways to travel. Riding on goats or horses is one, teleporting with psychic monsters is another, flying on birds--but only after getting a badge and teaching it a move specifically *so* you can fly on it for some reason--is the most common.

They expect you to work at a job when you go into a new town for at least a week, upside is it's ridiculously easy to get a job and the pay is good, down side is most of it is going to be spent on staying in a hotel probably. Other ways to earn money include beating up the Pokemon of trainers on routes to get their money.

You know video game logic, right? It's video game logic, we're in one huge game, resets and all.

A lot of the NPCs will tell you the same thing over and over again, don't tick off Officer Jenny, Goldenrod is where most of the other foreigners are, uhhh...I don't know, anything else you wanna know?

nice tmeetcha dave!
okay so what type of Pokemon did you get? Psychic, right?
it does snow here in the wintertime but as long as you've got a Fire type you'll be okay! We've got lots of breeders round here so you shouldnt have a hard time finding somebody who could breed you one if you want one right away
but I think you'll be fine for now
I'm not a breeder actually but I have a whole ton of Fire types, so I could breed you something real fast if I needed to!

holy exposition dump batman

[If she just turned up the purple on her prose, she could almost give Rose a run for her money.]

yeah i could tell its all video game logic
you could say im already experientially oversaturated with that genres particular day to day minutiae
besides hasnt everyone already heard of pokemon?? its only like a multibillion dollar cross cultural franchise
youd think theyd have heard of it even in death valley
i was not aware people lived there by the way i kind of thought it was a national park

wait
isnt it winter time now?

[He's already freezing his ass off...]

yeah, it is! it just hasnt started snowing yet
prolly wont snow snow for a while yet. like December maybe?
I mean it'll be really super cold though, so

Sorry, I know it's a lot.

[Riku wrote a handbook for this...so people can just read that, but she always forgets to grab the thing.]

I'm pretty sure I live in some alternate version of Earth, because yes, I live in Death City, in the Death Valley of Nevada, in the United States. Yet we haven't heard of Pokemon.

I like playing RPGs though.

you mean to tell me the current meteorological situation doesnt qualify as really super cold
...
.......................
im gonna freeze to death and die
and be dead
rip in peace me

ok but arent we all from alternate versions of earth if you really get down to it
but anyway sure i accept that
im from houston by the way
houston from one of the earths that had the pokemon games
i didnt play those though we didnt have nintendos at my house

oh no way dude I know what you mean
I mean if I didnt have Inferno or Lucy or Molotov with me right now id be miserable
Im used to it being really hot where im from but ive gotten used to how cold it gets here, I think
but im serious if you think you need something right away maybe I can breed you something? i dunno what you'd like but I think I could breed almost any of my guys

thats really nice of you to offer and everything man but i literally have no idea what any of those are
i never played pokemon growing up
i guess im not picky???

haha well those were their nicknames not their species so that my bad
um

[...]

ive got a giant moth that's really super fluffy and toasty like a space heater, that's Inferno. She's one of the first Pokemon I ever got
Lucy- or Lucius- is like a dog with horns?
Molotov is just a lion, but he's a fire lion so that's cool
there's really a lot of Pokemon out there though so its not just those

oh man haha uh well
definitely not the dog
i mean not to knock dogs or anything
one of my best friends blew up and then turned into a dog
but
yeah
no
maybe the moth? toasty sounds like a pretty fucking good deal right about now

[That.

Is an unexpectedly astute observation.]

Yeah. Though some people still get freaked out about their version being truest. After a while you just kinda forget about it.

Cool, so you're a neighbor. In a vaguely creepy watching-us-from-across-the-street way, anyway.

The thing you're using right now has video games, too. Like Legend of Zorualda and Five Nights at Fantina's.

[OOPS.]

okay tell you what
you'll prolly be headin to Cherrygrove next yeah? Since thats right after New Bark and all... I'll breed Inferno and Turkey and should have an egg ready before you get there
then text or call me when you're there and I'll get them to fly it over
you'll never have to worry about being cold again once it hatches!

[Oh my god Maka why would you tell Dave Strider about Five Nights at Fantina's. Do you WANT him to pee his pants?]

really?
sweet
i guess at least ill have something to do while i trip over all these ledges on my way to my appley just deserts
so hey is this little guy really supposed to protect me from random encounters on the way cause like
hes kinda
wimpy

thats
actually one of the nicest things anyones offered to do for me lately so
ok?
ok
you want anything back in return or

[Because making boys cry is what she's best at, obviously.

Also the game doesn't actually scare her so.]

It sounds like a Ralts from how you described him, right? That's what level grinding is for, he might seem weak but you just have to unlock his potential.

[Wax on, wax off and all that jazz.]

But it would benefit you to get more Pokemon as you're going along, too. Catching Pokemon on the routes and getting eggs from breeders is how most people do it.

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