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[callbacks]

you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

Comments

[callbacks]

bigger than my last digs
im going to need to relearn fuckin social etiquette probably jesus christ

[armoredsoul]

Really? What sort of place were you before, then?

[callbacks]

i was on a meteor for three years

[Because THAT'S normal.]

[armoredsoul]

A...meteor?

Um, how did that work?

[callbacks]

by all rights it really shouldnt have
but apparently my world didnt care about the small things like logically breathable atmospheres or the laws of conversation or basic physics
anyway there was a lab built into it so at least we werent just chilling out on the rock face constantly

[armoredsoul]

Well, it's not like Pokemon don't constantly laugh in the face of biology, so what's a place that ignores physics for whatever reason?

Glad to know you had someplace that wasn't out in the cold at least. How many other people were with you?

[callbacks]

five
no six

should i be counting the aliens or not

[armoredsoul]

Um...I guess you should. What kind of aliens were they?

[callbacks]

mostly trolls
but the mayor was one of the black chess guys from derse
none of thats going to make any sense to you probably
lets put it this way the only other human on the meteor was my sister and she wasnt coherent for most of those days

[armoredsoul]

Yikes! Was she sick, or was it something else?

[callbacks]

booze

we didnt exactly have a lot of parental supervision going on in meteorville partytown usa

[armoredsoul]

Oh...I'm sorry. But how much alcohol did you guys have on that meteor that it lasted for three years?

[callbacks]

oh supplies werent a problem
we could always just alchemize any shit we needed as long as we knew the formula

[armoredsoul]

[Hello, this just became infinitely more relevant to his interests. (Not that he was disinterested before, but. You know.)]

Oh, you had alchemy? How did it work for you guys?

[callbacks]

uhh
do you want the technical explanation or the practical one because im only really versed in one of those two

oh god i'm sorry this is so late

[armoredsoul]

Hehe, practical is fine. I'm just really curious, I never ran into anyone else that had it as a working science where they're from.

It's cool!

[callbacks]

science is
mnnh
well i guess its an accurate enough word
the way it worked for us is most items had a kind of unique code that a series of machines could read and then replicate as long as we had enough of the proper building materials for it
size was usually adjustable and combining codes in different ways could lead to wacky and SOMETIMES useful new items
there was a rough and tumble kind of logic to it but mostly it was trial and error bullshit

[armoredsoul]

Oh, that's a lot different from how it worked for us. It's the alchemist themselves that does the work, and we change the raw components of the original item based on the chemical structures. Yours sounds really cool, though! Was there a limit to how much it could make?

[callbacks]

well there were only so many codes that could be made
so only a finite number of KINDS of items could be made even though that finite number was pretty damn large
but as long as you had the grist
thats the raw stuff we needed to make shit
we could create unlimited copies of anything we had the code for

[armoredsoul]

That sounds useful! And anything you couldn't actually make you could probably get something close enough to serve. Is the grist a special sort of material, or was it very common?

[callbacks]

i mean it wasnt normal everyday shit youd find lying around the house or anything
it was a monster drop
i mean if you beat a monster itd explode into different types of grist depending on how many prototypings your session had gotten through at the time and also on the difficulty level of the
...
ok wait that probably just raised more questions than it answered so ill summarize all of that with "and then video game shenanigans"
so by the time we became sort of dependent on grist for basic needs like human food and alternate outfits wed already amassed a crap ton of it
more than enough to keep us afloat for three years

[armoredsoul]

[...UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.]

Wait, are you saying you were in a video game? How does that work?

[callbacks]

you realize were in a video game NOW right

[armoredsoul]

I...no?

[callbacks]

oh
um
disregard what i said then its all clearly been the ramblings of a deranged and confused newbie to the pokemon world
there are no obvious gaming constructs at work here so we should all just carry on