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[callbacks]

you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

Comments

[islandshore]

Actually, you can do that. The locals just stand around the routes, and if you beat them, they don't care. They'll keep trying in hopes that their "top percentage" Rattata can beat down your Dragonite.

It's just not as efficient as, say, working at the PokéMart.

[callbacks]

out of curiosity
how does a top percentage whatever you said hold up against a fresh off the boat little helmet guy

[islandshore]

Not very well. Steel types can sponge just about any normal attack. A few nibbles aren't gonna make a difference against that armor.

[callbacks]

oh no hes not steel i dont think
hes like a psychicy wispy lookin thing
a uh
a ralts?
that sounds right
he doesnt look that durable if you know what im saying
holding down a job might be just a wiser option for me all around

[islandshore]

Still, Psychic types are no slouch. Might not be durable, but it's not like they're weak to rats.

I'd just build up some levels before tackling other trainers. Maybe pick up some backup.

[callbacks]

i guess
i dont really know if im cut out for a return to the macho training lifestyle though
even coming at it from this angle

[islandshore]

Heh.

Well, there's always breeding if fighting's not your style.

Still might have to level a bit to get egg moves, but at least you've got options.

[callbacks]

oh hell no im not doing the colorful animal husbandry thing again
once was enough
ugh

[islandshore]

Careful. Sometimes they breed just to make their trainers miserable.

I see it happen here all the time.

[callbacks]

if wisps mcshrinking violet here decides to do the pokenasty with a consenting partner of his choosing
then hell more power to him
as long as im not responsible for like pedigree charts and mutation tracking and hunting his spawn off through the snow then i dont fucking care

[islandshore]

The Pokénasty.

Thanks for the mental image. Really.

But at least you'd get a quick buck if it happened. Stuff like eggmoves is more of a bonus.

[callbacks]

egg
moves?
???

[islandshore]

Yep. Basically, Pokémon can pass down their attacks when breeding. The more attacks the parents know, the better chance you get at egg moves.

Some people sell eggs that start off with at least a dozen attacks. Sometimes more.

[callbacks]

oh ok that does sound like a pretty sweet hereditary advantage
cause otherwise they only start with a couple moves apiece right
thats the impression ive got with my new buddy anyway
i guess the catch is youre starting with a baby?

[islandshore]

Yep, and they're almost always basic moves like Tackle and Tail Whip. Not impossible to work with, but buying eggs with extra moves saves a ton of money in the long run.

Trust me, TM's are expensive, so I'd say it's a pretty good tradeoff even if it means raising a baby from scratch.

[callbacks]

i guess i should look into that
i mean it sort of sounds like letting a toddler dual wield flintlock pistols but it wouldnt be homey for me without unnecessary danger to life and limb

[islandshore]

Good news is, you can't die. Bad news is, you can still get hurt.

A lot.

Seriously, you can get injured to the point of near-death. You just won't go all the way with it.

[callbacks]

what the hell that sounds like the rawest shit ever
who the fuck designed that mechanic???

[islandshore]

Probably an omnipotent llama.

I mean, that's what the god of this world is. A llama.

[callbacks]

that makes about as much sense as my universe being a frog so i guess i can accept that

[islandshore]

Wait, hold up.

Are you telling me there's a whole universe out there shaped like a frog?

[callbacks]

to my understanding there are multiple
like
at least four
unless were not counting the ones that got destroyed and or reset in which case were probably back to one

[islandshore]

They got destroyed?

Geez. Wherever you're from sounds a lot more brutal than this place. Last time we got hit with an apocalypse, it was all just a big joke.

[callbacks]

sometimes i wonder if my entire existence has been some huge joke
but yeah like
i figure this place is probably slightly more chill than what im used to
or im hoping anyway