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[callbacks]

you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

Comments

[callbacks]

yeah that was my third guess
it wasnt bird me was it
davesprite i mean

[soundmind]

No, it was the genuine Dave Strider himself, in the flesh and in your face.

John was there too. He was also wearing a dress.

You two were competing on who looked better in a dress.

[callbacks]

[...

Give Dave a minute.

...

...]

ok but it was me right

[soundmind]

Haha, yes, you were the clear winner. My vote was definitely for you.

[Guys are weird, but they're funny sometimes.]

[callbacks]

yessssss
in your face john egbert
i am the prettiest princess its me

[soundmind]

I'll be sure to note that for the future. "Dave Strider: Prettiest Princess."

It's too bad you missed the cuteness competition, a sweets shop over in Goldenrod was holding a contest for whatever trainer and their Pokemon is cutest.

[callbacks]

aw damn we couldve really cleaned up
my little buddys got that shrinking violet babyface thing going on for him and ive had it on good authority that im likewise adorable
i mean
its the authority of a blind alien girl but that just makes it all the more trustworthy if you ask me
i mean what does she have to gain by playing up my good looks
nothing thats what

[soundmind]

Your little buddy would probably be even cuter if you gave him a name.

I mean yes, the Ralts line is really cute. I haven't seen it in person, but there's an alternate evolution for male Ralts at the end of the line, someone will probably show you eventually. It's pretty cool.

[callbacks]

cool huh
i guess ill believe it when i see it
you know when ive been here longer than five minutes and me and the little guy have collaborated on an acceptable handle for him
its not like hes a pet right
he should get some say

[soundmind]

No, but some people treat them like pets.

You should see some of the ways they style a Furfrou's fur. Like a poodle back on regular Earth. Here--

furfrounatural.png
dandy.png
diamond.png
heart.png
star.png



There's more than that, but yeah.

[callbacks]

hahaha oh my GOD
what the fuck is the one with the hat???
shit im crying
christ

this was beautiful thank you

[soundmind]

Oh, you like the hat? Here, have another--

debutante.png

Just in case you wanted your poodle to be a Southern belle.

[callbacks]

SHIT HAHAHAHA
the dogs actually put up with this crap??
and the police dont arrest people for animal cruelty
what a world we live in

[soundmind]

Pokemon have the patience of saints, my Hawlucha even learned how to cook because I kept forgetting to eat. As for the police, I think generally they're more worried about Team Rocket and thieving than giving your Pokemon a weird haircut.

Or furcut in this case.

There are a lot of dog Pokemon here, but for some reason Furfrou is the only one I've seen that gets treated like this. Maybe it's because they're from PokeFrance?

[callbacks]

you cant tell me people dont glam up their other pokemon
or that pokemon dont accessorize themselves
you would not believe the getups ive seen salamanders call fashionable

[soundmind]

Oh, accessories? Sure, that happens. I've got a Lapras that likes wearing a fake flower on her ear, and Everstones can be made into rings and bracelets and stuff. I haven't seen a Pokemon actively pursue wearing clothes yet, but clothes are definitely made in Pokemon size.

If it makes you feel better, in Ralts' final evolution its eyes stop being covered, so you can put sunglasses on him.

[callbacks]

[He pauses for a second.]

haha yeah you definitely knew me before
hope this isnt too weird for you
i cant know for sure but i have no recollection of this place at all so its possible that the previous me was from another timeline or something
or since were aware this is a video game my last save file got corrupted and i had to hard reset
i guess im asking
like
were we close?/b>

[soundmind]

[Oh boy.

Take a deep breath, Maka, Dave has every right to know and it's been a few years. You're less of an emotional clingy baby, ideally, and can handle things maturely.]

I was here once before five years ago in Johto, then got sent back home. About two years ago I "reloaded" my previous save--AKA got brought back--and didn't quite remember what I had done or where I was, but the memory was still there, if that makes sense. John and Rose were really good friends of mine, you popped in and out a couple of times but I didn't know you that well. I wanted to! But I'm not exactly the best at the "being a social butterfly" thing.

I met Bro first. And somehow we ended up friends.

I'm going to be frank, because you deserve honesty and I hate lies, but I was pretty sure you hated me for being close to him. I don't blame you for being wary about it, now that I can look at the situation from the outside. It's like, okay, so this kid comes by and suddenly my dad feels like he can start over and pretend he's a good parent? I'd be pissed too if it was my dad, and I'd want to tell that kid "don't fall for it, he's a liar and a cheater, he'll ditch you to chase ass, you're not as important as screwing around to him."

[...]

I

I'm sorry for not thinking about how you were feeling at the time, or trying to talk to you, or anything. I was a stupid 15 year old that had no idea how to deal with an adult that seemed to actually give a damn. I was also a coward. It's not weird for me, I'm actually really happy to be able to talk to you and get to know *you* now. I was hoping we could be friends.

Sorry for the tl;dr but I figure if I don't spit it all out now I never will.

[callbacks]

[Jesus Christ.

Dave needs a minute or two just to process everything she's saying, let alone formulate a response. Just. Hold on.

...]

um

[Very articulate. The picture of eloquence.]

i



bro was here?

[soundmind]

Was, yeah.

[Sweet Arceus, why is Maka burdened with this yoke of awkward.]

Don't stop breathing, Strider. Don't jump out any windows. He's not here and he's not going to pop up dressed as Nurse Joy.

[callbacks]

urgh

[WELL THANKS FOR THAT MENTAL IMAGE.]

well
ok
i dont know how i feel about a lot of that stuff you just said but like
whatever??
it doesnt change things between you and me as far as im concerned
i guess because i didnt personally witness whatever weird pseudofilial relationship you had with bro maybe but like
its fine
were cool

[He feels sort of suddenly icky, like he might at any moment run into Bro's lingering shadow like cobwebs in the dark, but that's a completely different problem.]

[soundmind]

Shit, Strider, it's not even the first date and you've made me the happiest girl in Johto.




That was a joke.

But really.

Are you okay? Do you need Flash to bring over snacks?

[callbacks]

yeah no im fine can we move on please

[soundmind]

[Christ, it's like talking to Soul suddenly, deja-vu.]

Sure.

Has anybody told you about the pokepuns yet?

[callbacks]

oh god
how badly should i be preparing myself