1 ∅ [Text]

[callbacks]

you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

Comments

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

I'm just messing with you. Male pronouns are fine. Do you still have questions about this place? I've been here for about a year.

[Text]

[callbacks]

just making sure dude ive lived with a lot of aliens
and while their sex binary nonsensically happened to match up exactly onto ours it sure makes me not want to assume shit about people over text
anyway
yeah i guess ive still got questions like
ok i know the basic premise of this place but does anything happen when you beat the game?

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

You can't beat the game. The Elite Four isn't around. Getting the badges gets you discounts, but you can't really do anything else with them.

Text]

[callbacks]

what???
is it my eternal destiny to repeatedly turn up in janked up unbeatable video games??
jesus christ it just keeps happening
what do people do when they get all the badges then?

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

A lot of people seem to just settle down. I work in a bakery, for example. ... Though I haven't got all the badges yet. I don't really feel I need to, though. I'm a Breeder, not a Trainer.

[Text]

[callbacks]

settle down as in
like
just chill and have a real life?




i have no skills or experiences to imagine such a bugfuck insane concept

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

Pretty much. And you'll pick them up. Or you could just keep wandering around, battling people for money.

[Text]

[callbacks]

that just makes me sound like the bully from a special afterschool episode of an eighties kids show
i guess i could TRY this
settling down thing
that probably involves you know
jobs
and the pursuit of healthy human relationships
and a basic understanding of how preapocalyptic society functions

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

Fortunately it's not as bad as that here.

Look there are people here who come here not knowing what indoor plumbing is. If they can make it, you can, too.

[Text]

[callbacks]

thats true
and i guess its not like the stakes are very high here from what i understand of games actually made for children
and not made to slaughter them gratuitously
so when you said you were 5500 were you also still messing with me or are you immortal or something

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

Usually no, though Halloween tends to be somewhat insane around here. Many of us were half-transformed into Pokemon. It was interesting but also really annoying.

What do you think?

[Text]

[callbacks]

[...So he missed a furrypocalypse of some kind?

Well, thank Arceus for that.]

i think 5500 is a pretty specific number

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

[Probably for the best.]

It's an estimate.

It's not like there aren't people who are non-human here. Or originally non-human, everyone gets turned into normal humans here.

[Text]

[callbacks]

yeah i noticed that
i mean i started out arguably human but some things happened that appear to be currently unhappened

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

What sort of things?

[Text]

[callbacks]

well you know for one thing i could fly

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

That's useful. It sounds like fun.

[Text]

[callbacks]

it got me from point a to point b
wouldve come in useful for reaching civilization fast with the weather and all

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

Unfortunately I don't have anything that can use Fly, so I can't be very helpful in that sense.

[Text]

[callbacks]

its ok
someone else already took care of that for me
i guess i dont really understand why a world that thinks birds can get airborne laden with any kind of human weight wont let people or people shaped things have powers of their own though
weird pokefurry recombination events aside
i mean i SORT OF get it but it makes less sense if we cant beat the game anyway so who cares if we cheat a little

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

Oh, I understand. I'm not happy about not having access to some of my things as well. It's very frustrating... but I've yet to see exactly what's grabbed us and dragged us here in the first place, so I can't exactly lodge a formal complaint with them or something.

[Text]

[callbacks]

maybe its just some kind of transuniversal glitch?
i know the fabrics of time and space where im from were getting all janked the fuck up immediately prior to my getting here so i dunno
it seems possible

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

That's definitely possible. The barrier between two worlds was cut down in mine, so I can see things getting confused there.

[Text]

[callbacks]

which two worlds

[Text]

[crouching_sin]

The human world and the demon world.