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[callbacks]

you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

Comments

[soundmind]

I've been here for two years now, I got used to not doing it myself, so will you. Don't worry, if they don't want to fight they'll let you know. Pokemon are smart, their level of thinking is very similar to peoples'.

[That...sounds way more condescending than she's intending.]

I know it sounds really freaky, but this is how everybody lives here.

At any rate, battling isn't all people do with Pokemon, some keep them like pets...one guy has a whole circus of them.

If you're still worried about it, I can send one of my Pokemon over to protect you guys.

[callbacks]

eh
its probably not necessary
video game logic right
im assuming the only things around are the weenie shits that cant really hurt us
im more worried about food and shelter tbh
its ballsack cold out here

[soundmind]

Yeah, a lot of low-level Pokemon and some low-level trai

[Oh sweet Arceus. The trainers. She forgot.]


If you see a kid named Joey, just


run


once he sees you, he'll never stop talking about his Rattata.

EVER.



You've got some food to start out with, your Pokemon should be able to forage for himself. I think there's a tent in there, too? Maybe a sleeping bag. It's been a while since I've done the "start your magical journey" thing.

[callbacks]

note taken about this poor joey kid



ok i just checked my bag and ive got the sleeping bag but not a tent
so if it rains i guess im just fucked
thanks for nothing crazy mom

[soundmind]

Sorry, that's my bad.





Forecast also calls for rain this week.



I have no problem with sending my Alakazam over to teleport you to the next town. I don't mind even if he probably does.

[callbacks]

that sounds sorta like cheating
lets do it
...
i mean if its not too much trouble anyway
id really like not to die of fucking exposure on the tutorial level thatd look bad even with the rest of my record

[soundmind]

Nah, it's not, he just sits around the house reading the paper and redecorating anyway. Besides, what kind of helpful NPC would I be if I let the protagonist die on the beginning map?

When you're ready I'll send him, he's kind of a fox-goat-thing? So don't freak out if you see something like that, it's just Flash.

[callbacks]

uh
is there anywhere i should go to meet him?
i dont really know how teleportation stuff works
space wasnt my thing

[soundmind]

You're still in New Bark, right? It's okay, he knows where that is.


Oh crap I forgot--he'll need a mental image of you, so I know this sounds really super creepy but can you turn on the video?

[callbacks]

[...

Yeah, okay. He was the one who started this conversation with "a/s/l." Dave flips on the video feed to show himself in all his capey pajama glory. His Ralts is sitting to one side, head in its hands, probably bored out of its little skull.]

'Sup.

[soundmind]

[To be fair, so it doesn't seem like Dave is talking to some faceless weirdo, Maka turns on the video too. Hey look, it's just an average teenage girl sitting next to a...thing. Apparently Psychic types all have a tendency towards judging looks, because the critical eye this Alakazam is giving him would make Tommy Lee proud.]

Hey. [More to the point, this is someone she recognizes all right. Someone that the last time she saw was wearing a dress, but besides all that.] Nice cape. Flash, you got it?

[The Akalazam rolls its eyes and puts the newspaper it was holding down. Okay fine, he's got this. Maka turns off the video again so him going off to teleport doesn't cause any abrupt sound interference. Don't need to be blowing out this guy's ears when she's only just actually met him.]

He should be there in a second. He'll take you right to Cherrygrove.

[callbacks]

ok thanks

uh
i didnt get your name

[soundmind]

It's Maka.

["Stop offering to help strangers!" Flash bitches at her telepathically as he goes.]

If you need anything else, you can call me. I know it's really weird to get used to, but a lot of us foreigners help each other out as much as we can.

[callbacks]

nah i kind of get it
and you know
thanks
its pretty cool of you to offer
right im dave by the way
dave strider

[soundmind]

[Ah.]

Right, I remember you. You've been here before--or, at least a version of you.

[What revelation is this?? Is she going to reveal that he's a former best friend? Makeshift family?? What?]

You were in a dress last time I saw you. You looked good, don't get me wrong.

[callbacks]

[...]

ah

[...]

like one of those slinky numbers or a proper southern promenade gown because i could go either way

[soundmind]

It was like...two years ago, so I'm not really sure. I think it might have been something like a lolita frilly thing.

[Don't ask Maka, her idea of fashion is sweatervests and skirts.]

[callbacks]

yeah that was my third guess
it wasnt bird me was it
davesprite i mean

[soundmind]

No, it was the genuine Dave Strider himself, in the flesh and in your face.

John was there too. He was also wearing a dress.

You two were competing on who looked better in a dress.

[callbacks]

[...

Give Dave a minute.

...

...]

ok but it was me right

[soundmind]

Haha, yes, you were the clear winner. My vote was definitely for you.

[Guys are weird, but they're funny sometimes.]

[callbacks]

yessssss
in your face john egbert
i am the prettiest princess its me

[soundmind]

I'll be sure to note that for the future. "Dave Strider: Prettiest Princess."

It's too bad you missed the cuteness competition, a sweets shop over in Goldenrod was holding a contest for whatever trainer and their Pokemon is cutest.

[callbacks]

aw damn we couldve really cleaned up
my little buddys got that shrinking violet babyface thing going on for him and ive had it on good authority that im likewise adorable
i mean
its the authority of a blind alien girl but that just makes it all the more trustworthy if you ask me
i mean what does she have to gain by playing up my good looks
nothing thats what

[soundmind]

Your little buddy would probably be even cuter if you gave him a name.

I mean yes, the Ralts line is really cute. I haven't seen it in person, but there's an alternate evolution for male Ralts at the end of the line, someone will probably show you eventually. It's pretty cool.