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[callbacks]

you know
if she were my REAL mom
i bet she wouldnt have kicked me out of the house with just one lunchbox for a THREE DAY FUCKIN SLOG
i mean what the fuck!
she didnt even present me with a lovingly handstitched sweater with which to brave the elements out here which i might add are somewhat less than ideal at the moment
i mean jesus
the shirt she packed me doesnt even have sleeves??
how much transdimensional video game relocation bullshit does a guy have to go through to get some partway decent parental supervision going on
youd think a franchise literally designed for four year olds would be more kid friendly
come on wheres the endless supply of crustless pb and js that oughta be in my inventory
where are my hard earned vanilla dunkaroos
even my little psychic helmet guy knows this is prime horseshit i can tell by the faint look of pity and abject confusion on the visible sliver of his face every time he looks at me
right little buddy
yeah he gets it
do i look like a young man with the know how to forage for edibles in the eight bit rainforest
of course not

[This is text. He doesn't look like anything, except red. Red and text. A lot of both.]

if you threw an apple at my face right now i probably wouldnt even recognize the fresh produce
thats how long ive been cooling my heels in fakey realchemized space ration hell
do they have apples here even
omfg if i literally bled for this shit and even the weird nintendo wet dream nerd bubble lacks the means to provide me a consolatory glass of aj for the travesty thats been my life im gonna
well im gonna just shut up and deal with it like i have for the past three years i guess
but youll all know im not happy about the situation







anyway
hey


a/s/l?

Comments

[callbacks]

as long as its warmer than two shirts and a cape i think ill be ok
im not really built for the cold
no natural insulation

[loveisanopendoor]

oh i'm sure you'll find a nice jacket and maybe some little mittens and a scarf or something!!! shame you didn't start off with a fire type like charmander :P

my sister used to have ice powers but now she doesn't so she's finally feeling the cold for the first time while she's so trust me you're not alone, the struggle is real as they say

[callbacks]

hahahaha
its realer than the real housewives of orange county
but yeah like i dont really miss my powers in general but they wouldve come in at least a little handy here

[loveisanopendoor]

you had powers too?? were they cool at all?? man i feel so left out nearly everyone cool i know had powers of some kind back where they were from...

yes that's me saying you're cool BTW

[callbacks]

well be still my beating heart

[YOU KNOW JUST WANT TO SAY TO A GUY, ANNA.]

while my coolness factor is self evident my powers themselves werent everything they were cracked up to be
lots of responsibility
hella logistical migraines
i pretty much stopped using them years ago
i could fly though and flying was pretty legit
i didnt mind flying

[loveisanopendoor]

MAN YOU TOO UGH NOW I'M REALLY JEALOUS

my best friend here had flying powers too back home kind of??? but ughhhhhhhh i wish i could fly arouuuund

none of my pokemon even know the move Fly even though i have like a ton of dragons??? like seriously it's such a pain in the butt

[callbacks]

man that sounds obnoxious
dragons should definitely COME with flight capability like seriously
who designed these mechanics

[loveisanopendoor]

RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?!

LOOK AT CHARIZARD ONE SECOND I'M GONNA SHOW YOU CHARIZARD AND YOU TELL ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY HE CAN'T FLY UNLESS I SPECIFICALLY TEACH HIM HOW

attachment: nova.jpg

HE'S THE BEST BUT WHY CAN'T HE FLY.......

[callbacks]

well i mean
even baby birds have to be taught to fly i thought
you know with their parents kicking them out of the nest and shit
have you tried that

[loveisanopendoor]

learn to swim by drowning huh??

i don't think i have the heart for that approach.....i kinda coddle my pokemon a lot.......

[callbacks]

i wouldnt want to do something like that to my little dude either
i mean not that he looks like he can fly anyway
but you know
like anything of that nature

he really is cute

[loveisanopendoor]

if you think HE'S cute you should see clefairy it's my absolute favorite!!!

attachment: noel.jpg

literally the cutest of all pokemon in my opinion

[callbacks]

omg
look at its tiny fang
damn its so pink
tell me that thing can utterly wreck peoples asses
or well other pokemons asses i guess

[loveisanopendoor]

it DESTROYS people

it has an attack called metronome where it can basically use any move in existence at completely random, it's AMAZING

but it's also really strong on its own!!!

[callbacks]

i fucking love it

haha oh no i think my little dude is jealous
its ok buddy youll be a tiny ass whooping champion one day too

[loveisanopendoor]

actually it's pretty cool

ralts has two different final forms

oh, pokemon evolve, by the way, i should probably explain that, it happens after they reach a certain number of battles or if they're exposed to a certain item or something, the conditions are different depending on the pokemon

some evolve once, some evolve twice, some don't evolve at all because they're so strong!! ralts evolves into kirlia right

and female kirlias evolve into gardevoir, they're really beautiful, they have a long flowing white dress and everything BUT

male kirlia, if you give them a dawn stone, become gallade, and they're AWESOME they're like part fighting-type and they're super noble, like knights!!! i'll show you mine

attachment: odin.png

[callbacks]

[...

...

...]

oh

[SUDDENLY, HE UNDERSTANDS EVERYTHING!]

well damn he sure does look like a badass
all
noble warrior and shit
hey random question but do peoples first partner pokemon typically have anything to do with who they are as a person
just curious

[loveisanopendoor]

i think it depends!! for some people it does, i think, i mean, i got charmander and he's very firey and excitable!! and my sister elsa got snorunt which is an ice type thats a little bit shy and whatnot...

but my friend i was talking about earlier got this thing called whismur when she first got here and it's tiny and pink and very loud and it does nothing but cry

and then when it hears itself crying it gets startled by the sound of it and cries even louder

it actually breathes through its EARS so that it can cry without stopping it's

nonon is a saint

[callbacks]

so we dont have to like
learn a valuable lesson about ourselves through our adventures with our thematically appropriate pokepartners
like thats not the expectation here
the bildungsroman narrative is an optional one

[loveisanopendoor]

nope i think the real adventure is the friends we make along the way

or something like that

[callbacks]

oh yeah no im chill with curricula on the power of friendship and all that jazz
psht
thats fine
i can handle that
thanks for indulging in my momentary meta nattering by the way
youre a gentlewoman and a scholar

[loveisanopendoor]

i've read enough cheesy adventure books to know all the cliches and stuff so y'know it's nothing

i think there's some truth to it though i'm really happy to have met all these people here

i never would've had the opportunity to otherwise, running a kingdom is pretty time consuming

[callbacks]

running a kingdom?
like a real kingdom or??

[loveisanopendoor]

yes!!! well real in my world anyway not too many people have heard of it otherwise

[callbacks]

whoa
well excuse my filthy american potty mouth your majesty i was not aware i was in the presence of royalty