callbacks | 3 ∅ [Anonymous Text]

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3 ∅ [Anonymous Text]

[Cleared font formatting, check. Autocorrect, check. Masked I.D., triple check. Dave's been wrestling with this question for over a week, and he's no closer to an answer than he was eight days ago. No closer than he was three years ago.

Where's Dear Abby when you need advice?]

Have you ever been in a situation
Where you knew something somebody else didn't
And you weren't sure if you should tell them or not
Like you knew that if they found out they'd be really upset but there's also nothing they could do about it
And you don't want them to blame themselves
Or
Get mad at you
But pretending it didn't happen feels
I don't know
A lot like lying I guess
What would you do in those circumstances?

I'm asking for a friend.

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[...Oh. Well, that...certainly is a question, isn't it.]

It depends on what the circumstances are, I think.

Is the potential fallout from that person finding out worse than the feeling that you're lying to them?

Edited (words are hard) 2015-12-17 21:09 (UTC)

I ask myself what type of person they are, to begin with.

Withholding things from them to spare their feelings can be a kindness, but there's also a certain arrogance to it. I'd imagine that's where your description of something being "like lying" is stemming from — you're aware that you're superseding their right to dictate their own feelings on the subject at hand.

So the question to begin with is, are they the sort of person who value that sort of control over their feelings over the state of experiencing positive ones? Or put another way, are they the sort of person who does believe that sometimes ignorance is bliss?

You tell them.

It's what I did, and the persons appreciated that I did.

Salutations!
Um

I have been in a situation like that, yes. It wasn't something that had happened so much as

just the way someone
something
was, I suppose?

I did tell my friend, eventually, and everything turned out sensational! But it was still very scary and I don't know if I could have without being forced.

Um
I'm sorry, this isn't very helpful.

It depends on how much you trust your friend, I guess?

[Xion doesn't know how to do that.

Zero clue.

But still, this is pretty important.]

It'll be worse when it comes out without you intending it to than if you tell your friend yourself.

Trust me, my best friend doesn't even remember who I am but he still found out, he was upset that I didn't tell him. There could be a lot of nasty stuff tied up in what you're not telling your friend, like he had to destroy me so the people that had us wouldn't destroy the both of us, but this person cares about you don't they? So you're probably keeping it secret because it might hurt them.

Well.

They still want to know. Because they care about you. And keeping secrets doesn't just hurt them, it hurts you too, it eats you up inside until you can't bring yourself to smile at them. That's the worst thing that can happen to friends.

[BRO YOU ARE SPEAKING HER LANGUAGE HERE ELSA KNOWS ALL ABOUT HIDING THINGS OUT OF FEAR OF HURTING LOVED ONES]

I do.

And maybe a year or so ago I would've said that continuing to hide it is for the better.

But it's not.

Continue lying, I guess.

[No he's not speaking from experience at all.]

Tell them. I speak from experience. If you don't, you risk destroying everything you have with them.

Yeah.

I've been there before.

It depends on the circumstances.

I haven't been in a situation quite like what you're explaining, but I know how well keeping big secrets usually goes. It never ends well if you don't eventually open up about it.

[Nowi doesn't know how to do anonymous texts because she's dumb, so here we go.]

WELL THAT SORT OF DEPENDS, DOESN'T IT??
I DON'T THINK IT'S NICE TO KEEP THINGS FROM PEOPLE
BUT IF YOU REALLY THINK IT'D BE FOR THE BEST THEN THAT'S YOUR DECISION
BUT!!!
ARE YOU THE SORT OF PERSON WHO'S GOOD AT KEEPING SECRETS????
IF YOU AREN'T THEN YOU NEED TO TELL THEM BEFORE IT HAPPENS ACCIDENTALLY!!!
THAT WOULD BE REALLY BAD!!!!

[how helpful........]

Depends. How likely is it that they'll find out on their own?

A year ago I would have said no, don't tell them.
It depends on the situation.
It might not be better if you tell them, but at least they won't hold it against you that you didn't tell them.

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